Best Funny and Clever Excuses for Not Going to Work.

Can you add some clever excuses for not going to work?clever excuses for not going to work

1. Gosh, er, I won’t be coming into work today. See, there was this Wild Turkey running about the house and he and some guy named Jim Beam kept taunting me. Then Old Grand Dad showed up. Well, by the time Jack Daniels came in, I really needed a bucket. So, er, who’s this again?

2. You need to call in and say that you are having trouble with your eyes, and when your boss asks what is wrong tell them that you just can’t see yourself coming in to work!

3. Hurt my back! MTV was running a Spice- girls marathon, and I had to lift my T.V. and throw it out of the window all by myself.

excuses for not going to work-sick days

4. I wanted to come in but I had a severe case of Chronic Gravitational Disorder… couldn’t get my ass out of bed.

5. This one can only be used for not showing up or calling off on a Monday. I forgot to carry in the Sunday paper, so when I saw the paper there, I thought it was Sunday. By the time I realized it was Monday, it was too late, so I stayed home.

6. Call in and say that your Gonasyphaherpalaids is acting up and you can’t come in!

7. “Man, I TOLD my wife the chicken looked undercooked!”

8. Personal reasons. (Said in a concerned tone of voice – discourages any further questions, assuming your boss has even a grain of emotion.)

9. “I need a month off while I serve a 30 day sentence.”

10. Tell ’em you have a temperature. (What employers and teachers don’t realize is that everyone has a temperature). Not a lie!!!

Sick days funny poster

11. Maybe the best excuse ever:

“My suit got misplaced at the cleaners and you wouldn’t want me to come to work in the nude, would you?”

clever excuses for not going to work


“I’m going to Occupy Wall Street to protest against rich bosses like you”

clever excuses for not going to work


The major mistake people make when calling in is giving to much info. That is what gets them in trouble. Just call in and say you are not feeling well. There is no need to go into any more detail than that. No need to try and sound sick. Do not sound uncertain and do not say you will try to make it in later. Trust me Keep is short and simple. There is nothing they can do about it but give you a point on whatever system they use to track absent employees and it is almost impossible to get caught in a lie with a simple “I do not feel well”.