Archive for September, 2010

Good Exercise Program for the Golden Years

You know how important exercise is, as we grow older. Here are a few suggestions. I start by standing outside behind the house and, with a five pound potato sack in each hand, extend my arms straight out to my sides and hold them there as long as I can. After a few weeks I moved up to 10 pound potato sacks, then 20 pound potato sacks and finally I got to where I could lift a 50 pound potato sack in each hand and hold my arms straight out for more than a full minute! Next, I started putting a few potatoes in the sacks, but I would caution you not to overdo it at this level.

Justin Bieber too young to Vote, and not an American

A group called the Center for American Progress is using Justin Bieber to help get out the vote in November.

And really, what better symbol to get out the vote than someone who is way too young to vote and Canadian.

And now their is a Justin Bieber DOLL! Just in time for Christmas.

My first and only Justin Bieber post!

Curtis and Leroy Walk on Water Fail

Curtis had long heard the stories of an amazing family tradition. It seems that his father, grandfather and great-grandfather had all been able to walk on water on their 21st birthday. On that special day, they’d each walked across the lake to the bar on the far side for their first legal drink. So when Curtis’ 21st birthday came around, he and his pal, Leroy, took a boat out to the middle of the lake. Curtis stepped out of the boat… and nearly drowned! Leroy just barely managed to pull him to safety. Furious and confused, Curtis went to see his grandmother. ‘Grandma,’ he asked, ‘it’s my 21st birthday, so why can’t I walk ‘cross the lake like my pappy, his father, and his father before him? ‘

Granny looked deeply into Curtis’ troubled eyes and said, ‘Because your father, your grandfather and your great grandfather were born in January, when the lake is frozen, and you were born in July!’

A NEW DAY

A NEW DAY

Dr. Heartsill Wilson

This is the beginning of a new day.

I have been given this day to use as I will.

I can waste it, or use it.

I can make it a day long to be remembered for its joy, its beauty and its achievements, or it can be filled with pettiness.

What I do today is important because I am exchanging a day of my life for it.

When tomorrow comes this day will be gone forever, but I shall hold something which I have traded for it.

It may be no more than a memory, but if it is a worthy one I shall not regret the price.

I want it to be gain not loss, good not evil, success not failure.

HOPE YOU…

Little Old Lady and Her New Hat

There was a little old lady standing at a corner. She had both hands holding her hat on while the wind blew her dress up around her waist. A dignified southern gentleman came up and said, “Ma’am, you should be ashamed of yourself, letting your skirt blow around, being indecent, while both hands hold your hat.” She said, “Look mister, everything down there is seventy years old; this hat is brand new!”

Curtis and Leroy and the Old Mule

The Adventures of Curtis and Leroy

Leroy had a wife who nagged him unmercifully. From morning ’til night she was always complaining about something. The only time he got any relief was when he was out plowing with his old mule. He asked Curtis what he should do and Curtis said, “Keep plowing.”  He plowed a lot. One day, when he was out plowing, his wife brought him lunch in the field. He drove the old mule into the shade, sat down on a stump, and began to eat his lunch. Immediately, his wife began nagging him again. Complain, nag, complain, nag – it just went on and on. All of a sudden, the old mule lashed out with both hind feet, caught her smack in the back of the head. Killed her dead on the spot.

At the funeral several days later, the minister noticed something rather odd. When a woman mourner would approach Leroy he would listen for a minute, then nod his head in agreement; but when a man mourner approached him, he would listen for a minute, then shake his head in disagreement. This was so consistent, the minister decided to ask the Leroy about it. So after the funeral, the minister spoke to Leroy, and asked him why he nodded his head and agreed with the women, but always shook his head and disagreed with all the men.

Leroy said, ‘Well, the women would come up and say something about how nice my wife looked, or how pretty her dress was, so I’d nod my head in agreement.’

And what about the men?’ the minister asked.

‘They wanted to know if the mule was for sale.”

funny emails,

Curtis and Leroy and Their Fishing Trip

The Adventures of Curtis and Leroy

Curtis and Leroy decided go on a fishing trip. They rent all the equipment: the reels, the rods, the wading suits, the rowboat, and even a cabin in the woods. They spend a fortune. The first day they go fishing, but they don’t catch anything. The same thing happens on the second day, and on the third day. It goes on like this until finally, on the last day of their vacation, Leroy catches a fish. As they’re driving home they’re really depressed.

Curtis turns to Leroy and says, “Do you realize that this one lousy fish we caught cost us fifteen hundred dollars?”

Leroy says, “Wow! It’s a good thing we didn’t catch any more!”

Funny Quotes About the Golden Years

For the first half of your life, people tell you what you should do; for the second half, they tell you what you should have done.

Richard Needham

Age mellows some people; others it makes rotten

Anonymous

The spiritual eyesight improves as the physical eyesight declines.

Plato

Old age comes at a bad time.

 San Banducci

Old age is the most unexpected of all the things that happen to a man.

Leon Trotsky

Age is an ugly thing, and it goes on getting worse.

Diana Cooper

Few people know how to be old.

François de la Rochefoucauld

Never too old to learn.

Latin proverb

The great thing about getting older is that you don’t lose all the other ages you’ve been.

Madeleine L’Engle

Live your life and forget your age.

Norman Vincent Peale

For more Golden Years Humor, check out:

http://goldenyearshumor.blogspot.com/

A Farmer’s Riddle

A farmer sent his son to the market with $100 cash. The son has to buy exactly 100 animals.

There are cows, pigs and chickens for sale.

A cow costs $10, a pig is $5 and a chicken costs $0.50.

The son has to buy at least one of each animal and has to spend all his money.

What does the son buy?

Try not to look at the answer until you have worked out the math first!

Now see your results below:

The answer:

The farmer’s son buys:

1 cow for a total of $10

9 pigs for a total of $45

90 chickens for a total of $45

Author unknown

The Hillbillies – Curtis and Leroy and Another Chance

More Adventures of Curtis and Leroy

One day Curtis and Leroy and a large group of their best friends went to the Big City to let the world know that they weren’t dumb. (Not sure where they got that reputation!?)

The crowds gathered.

Curtis, Leroy and their friends shouted, “Ask us any question, and we will show you that we’re not dumb.”

One man eagerly volunteered to ask them some questions. He climbed up on a car and asked Curtis to join him.

He got up on the car too and the man asked: “What is the first month of the year?”

Curtis smiled and responded: “November?”

“Nope,” said the man.

At this point Leroy and his friends began to chant, “Give him another chance, give him another chance.”

So the man asked: “What is the capital of the U.S.A ?”

Curtis responded: “Paris?”

“Nope!”

So the crowd began chanting again: “Give him another chance, give him another chance.”

The man said: “Okay, but this is the last one. What is one plus one?”

Curtis replied: “Two?”

“Give him another chance, Give him another chance.” screamed Leroy and his friends.