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2007: I will get my weight down below 180 pounds.
2008: I will follow my new diet religiously until I get below 200 pounds.
2009: I will develop a realistic attitude about my weight.
2010: I will work out 3 days a week.
2011: I will try to drive past a gym at least once a week.
2012: Repeat 2007′s resolution….
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Throuout this year, we taxpayers will receive an ‘ HST Compensation” payment.
This is indeed a very exciting program, and I’ll explain it by using a Q & A format:
Q. What is an ‘HST Compensation’ payment ?
A. It is money that the Provincial Liberal government will send to taxpayers.
Q.. Where will the government get this money ?
A. From taxpayers.
Q. So the government is giving me back my own money ?
A. Only a smidgen of it.
Q. What is the purpose of this payment ?
A. The plan is for you to use the money to purchase a high-definition TV set, thus stimulating the economy.
Q. But isn’t that stimulating the economy of China ?
A. Shut up.
Below is some helpful advice on how to best help the economy by spending your compensation cheque wisely:
* If you spend the stimulus money at Wal-Mart, the money will go to China or Sri Lanka …
* If you spend it on gasoline, your money will go to the Arabs.
* If you purchase a computer, it will go to India , Taiwan or China .
* If you purchase fruit and vegetables, it will go to Mexico, Honduras and Guatemala ..
* If you buy an efficient car, it will go to Japan or Korea .
* If you purchase useless stuff, it will go to Taiwan .
* If you pay your credit cards off, or buy stock, it will go
to management bonuses and they will hide it offshore.
Instead, keep the money in Canada by:
1) Spending it at yard sales, or
2) Going to hockey games, or
3) Spending it on prostitutes, or
4) Beer or
(These are the only Canadian businesses still operating in Canada. )
Go to a hockey game with a tattooed prostitute that you met at a yard sale and drink beer all day !
No need to thank me, I’m just glad I could be of help.
to management bonuses and they will hide it offshore.
Best Pictures and Images 2010 -Environmental
Photograph by Florian Schulz
Photograph by Radoslav Radoslavov Valkov
Photograph by Bence Mate Natural World – winner
Lightning and the Eyjafjallajökull volcano in Iceland February, 2010
(Image: Marco Fulle)
Smallest Monkey in the World (Image: Ivan Alvarado/Reuters)
Ultra Orthodox students gesture as they pray - REUTERS/Ronen Zvulun
“I want to be the best quarterback I can,” Michael Vick
Tonight’s Game should be a great one because….
– huge audience?
-Vick’s last performance.
-DeSean Jackson is always exciting.
I wonder if Brett Favre will play?
Eagles need this to make the playoffs!
and these comments:
December 28, 2010
Snow forces Eagles-Vikings game to Tuesday Night
Pennsylvania Governor Ed Rendell:
“We’ve become a nation of wusses,” Rendell told Mike Missanelli of 97.5 The Fanatic on Monday. “The Chinese are kicking our butt in everything. If this was in China do you think the Chinese would have called off the game? People would have been marching down to the stadium, they would have walked and they would have been doing calculus on the way down.”
“My biggest beef is that this is part of what’s happened in this country,” Rendell said. “I think we’ve become wussies. . . .
“What do you think Lombardi would say? He would say that we’ve become a nation of wusses.”
AND Obama’s Praise!!!
The White House says President Barack Obama has commended the owner of the Philadelphia Eagles for giving quarterback Michael Vick(notes) a second chance after his release from prison.
Obama spokesman Bill Burton says the president told owner Jeffrey Lurie that while he condemns the crimes Vick was convicted of, he believes people who have paid for their crimes should have the opportunity to contribute to society again.
The Eagles signed Vick last year after he served an 18-month prison sentence on charges related to a dogfighting ring. Vick has led the Eagles to the playoffs this year after assuming the starting job.
The White House says Obama also applauded the Eagles’ plan to install wind turbines and solar panels at their stadium to reduce energy consumption.
Hope he can hang in there and stay out of trouble. He is an excellent athlete and incredible quarterback. Could be a Great Story!
WORST / BEST FIRST DATE STORY EVER :
If you didn’t see this on the Tonight show, I hope you’re sitting down when you read it. This is probably the funniest date story ever, first date or not!!! We have all had bad dates but this takes the cake.
Jay Leno went into the audience to find the most embarrassing first date that a woman ever had. The winner described her worst first date experience. There was absolutely no question as to why her tale took the prize!
She said it was midwinter….Snowing and quite cold… and the guy had taken her skiing in the mountains outside Salt Lake City , Utah .
It was a day trip (no overnight). They were strangers, after all, and had never met before. The outing was fun but relatively uneventful until they were headed home late that afternoon..
They were driving back down the mountain, when she gradually began to realize that she should not have had that extra latte. They were about an hour away from anywhere with a rest room and in the middle of nowhere! Her companion suggested she try to hold it, which she did for a while. Unfortunately, because of the heavy snow and slow going, there came a point where she told him that he had better stop and let her go beside the road, or it would be the front seat of his car
They stopped and she quickly crawled out beside the car, yanked her pants down and started. In the deep snow she didn’t have good footing, so she let her butt rest against the rear fender to steady herself. Her companion stood on the side of the car watching for traffic and indeed was a real gentleman and refrained from peeking. All she could think about was the relief she felt despite the rather embarrassing nature of the situation.
Upon finishing however, she soon became aware of another sensation.. As she bent to pull up her pants, the young lady discovered her buttocks were firmly glued against the car’s fender. Thoughts of tongues frozen to poles immediately came to mind as she attempted to disengage her flesh from the icy metal. It was quickly apparent that she had a brand new problem, due to the extreme cold.
Horrified by her plight and yet aware of the humor of the moment, she answered her date’s concerns about’ what is taking so long’ with a reply that indeed, she was ‘freezing her butt off’ and in need of some assistance!
He came around the car as she tried to cover herself with her sweater and then, as she looked imploringly into his eyes, he burst out laughing. She too, got the giggles and when they finally managed to compose themselves, they assessed her dilemma. Obviously, as hysterical as the situation was, they also were faced with a real problem.
Both agreed it would take something hot to free her chilly cheeks from the grip of the icy metal! Thinking about what had gotten her into the predicament in the first place, both quickly realized that there was only one way to get her free. So, as she looked the other way, her first time date proceeded to unzip his pants and pee her butt off the fender.
As the audience screamed in laughter, she took the Tonight Show prize hands down. Or perhaps that should be ‘pants down. ‘And you thought your first date was embarrassing. Jay Leno’s comment….’This gives a whole new meaning to being pissed off.’
Oh and how did the first date turn out? He became her husband and was sitting next to her on the Leno show.
An Inspirational Thought
Happpy New Year
by Catherine Pulsifer
H appiness depends upon your outlook on life.
A ttitude is just as important as ability.
P assion find yours this year!
P ositive thoughts make everything easier.
Y ou are unique, with special gifts, use them.N ew beginnings with a new year.
E nthusiasm a true secret of success.
W ishes may they turn into goals.Y ears go by to quickly, enjoy them.
E nergy may you have lots of it.
A ppreciation of life, don’t take it for granted.
R elax take the time to relax in this coming year.
you could try this…
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Greetings of the Season and Best Wishes for the New Year
May peace, love and prosperity follow you always.
Happy, happy Christmas, that can win us back to the delusions of our childish days; that can recall to the old man the pleasures of his youth; that can transport the sailor and the traveller, thousands of miles away, back to his own fire-side and his quiet home! - Charles Dickens, The Pickwick Papers, 1836
Christmas Greetings, Quotes and Messages
And the Grinch, with his Grinch-feet ice cold in the snow, stood puzzling and puzzling, how could it be so? It came without ribbons. It came without tags. It came without packages, boxes or bags. And he puzzled and puzzled ’till his puzzler was sore. Then the Grinch thought of something he hadn’t before. What if Christmas, he thought, doesn’t come from a store. What if Christmas, perhaps, means a little bit more.
- Dr. Seuss
As the Holiday Season is upon us, we find ourselves reflecting on the past year and on those who have helped to shape our business in a most significant way. We value our relationship with you and look forward to working with you in the year to come. We wish you a very happy Holiday Season and a New Year filled with peace and prosperity.
This is the message of Christmas: We are never alone.
At Christmas play and make good cheer,
For Christmas comes but once a year – Thomas Tusser
Best wishes for a happy and prosperous New Year.
Who has not Christmas in his heart will never find it under a tree.
Roy L. Smith
Gifts of time and love are surely the basic ingredients of a truly merry Christmas.
Christmas is not a time nor a season, but a state of mind. To cherish peace and goodwill, to be plenteous in mercy, is to have the real spirit of Christmas.
I truly believe that if we keep telling the Christmas story, singing the Christmas songs, and living the Christmas spirit, we can bring joy and happiness and peace to this world.
Norman Vincent Peale
Christmas is a necessity. There has to be at least one day of the year to remind us that we’re here for something else besides ourselves.
As long as we know in our hearts what Christmas ought to be, Christmas is.
Burton Hillis, Better Homes and Gardens
The best of all gifts around any Christmas tree: the presence of a happy family all wrapped up in each other.
The best Christmas trees come very close to exceeding nature.
Wilfred A. Peterson, The Art of Living
Christmas is not in tinsel and lights and outward show. The secret lies in an inner glow. It’s lighting a fire inside the heart. Good will and joy a vital part. It’s higher thought and a greater plan. It’s glorious dream in the soul of man.
Ruth Carter Stapleton
Christmas is most truly Christmas when we celebrate it by giving the light of love to those who need it most.
Dale Evans Rogers
Christmas, my child, is love in action. Every time we love, every time we give, it’s Christmas.
Hamilton Wright Mabie
Blessed is the season which engages the whole world in a conspiracy of love.
Let the spirit of love
gently fill our hearts and homes.
In this loveliest of seasons
may you find many
reasons for happiness.
Maligayang Pasko Maligayang Piyesta Opisyal Pagbati Maganda imahe
Selamat Hari Natal
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First Prediction: This email could go VIRAL!
Wikipedia: Research on viral marketing techniques has begun to reveal some of the specific dynamics of the viral phenomenon. The viral spread of an Internet message involves a convergence of modalities, including blogs, social networking sites, and mass media coverage. It is common for the message to spread and obtain notoriety via Internet modalities some amount of time before such notoriety is reported by mass media sources.
Occupy Wall Street is the start of something BIG!
Anthony Weiner will resign and more women will come forward.
Ashton Kutcher will be a great replacement to Charlie Sheen
on Two and a Half men. He can Twitter his way to success!
1. A few more Americans will realize that Humans evolved over millions of years!
Hard to believe when you look at people like
Sarah Palin and Heidi Montag!
According to a new Gallop Pole, four out of every 10 Americans agrees with the statement “God created human beings pretty much in their present form at one time within the last 10,000 years or so.”
That’s 40% of Americans and that’s SAD! Evolution became widely accepted in the 1870′s!
As for the concept that humans have, in fact, evolved over millions of years, but with God’s guiding hand–that captures around 38% of responses.
And for those who throw their lot in purely with science and facts, an anemic (though rising) 16% of responders agreed with the statement “Human beings have developed over millions of years from less advanced forms of life, [and] God had no part in this process.” The more education Americans have, the more they believed in this fact – I mean theory!
December 28, 2010 More Proof!!!!!!!!!
Israeli archaeologists said Monday they may have found the earliest evidence yet for the existence of modern man, and if so, it could upset theories of the origin of humans.
A Tel Aviv University team excavating a cave in central Israel said teeth found in the cave are about 400,000 years old and resemble those of other remains of modern man, known scientifically as Homo sapiens, found in Israel. The earliest Homo sapiens remains found until now are half as old.
2. There will be a new Cell Phone/Computer, worn on the wrist that has a very advanced voice recognition system. It will be the the fastest selling product in the history of the World (until the next version comes out.)
No more keyboards! Not sure if it will be called the iTracy or the iDick!
Wikipedia: On January 13, 1946  , Gould changed Dick Tracy forever with the introduction of the 2-Way Wrist Radio, having drawn inspiration from a visit to inventor Al Gross. This seminal communications device, worn as a wristwatch by Tracy and members of the police force, became one of the strip’s most immediately recognizable icons, and can be thought of as a precursor to later technological developments, such as cellular phones.
3. A Super Powerful Battery will be developed for cars. But it’s production will be stalled while the Big Car manufacturers get one last chance to make their billions!
4. Those in the Middle Class become increasingly discontent. The wealthy should be very, very afraid!
The gap between the rich and the middle class is larger than it has ever been due to the bursting of the housing bubble.
The richest 1% of U.S. households had a net worth 225 times greater than that of the average American household in 2009, according to analysis conducted by the Economic Policy Institute, a liberal think tank. That’s up from the previous record of 190 times greater, which was set in 2004.
The widening gap came even as wealthy households’ average net worth tumbled 27% — to about $14 million — between 2007 to 2009. That’s the first time that they suffered a decline since the three-year period of 1992 to 1995. Hope they didn’t suffer too much!!!!!!
Meanwhile, the average family’s net worth plunged 41% — to just $62,200 — from 2007 to 2009, according to EPI’s calculations. Only 41%! – - We are in Big Trouble!
Fortress America takes on a new meaning as more wealthy Americans build walls around their communities. As austerity measures become more apparent, riots may become much more common.
Check out Europe!
Economists are evenly split on whether the Federal Reserve’s current policies are helping the economy. But they’re in agreement on one point — the Fed won’t be raising interest rates anytime soon.
If they do, LOOK OUT!!!!!
5. Jokes about Bankers will surpass Jokes about Lawyers for the first time in recorded history.
Just before Xmas, an honest politician, two forthright bankers, three generous criminal attorneys and Santa Claus all got into the elevator at the New York Palace Hotel. As the elevator travelled from the 5th floor down to the ground level, one-by-one they noticed a $100 bill lying on the floor.
Which one picked up the $100 bill, and handed it in at reception?
Santa of course, the others don’t actually exist!
6. American Idol will be a Ratings Flop. (without Simon Cowell)
7. The X-Factor will be number one in the Ratings! (with Simon Cowell = viewers love to hate him!)
8. South Africa will win the Rugby World Cup.
9. A couple of British citizens will forget who Robert Green is!
More Robert Green Jokes – Poor Guy
* At least that’s one British spillage the Americans won’t be moaning about…
* Kermit was right: It’s not easy being Green.
* All these Rob Green jokes are getting out of hand. In fact they’re crossing the line…
* The England lads had a get-together after the game and bought Robert Green a drink to commiserate. He spilled it.
* Steven Gerrard said: “The whole team is behind Rob Green.” With hindsight, that’s a good place to stand.
10. One of the Greatest Disasters in the Modern World will occur – The internet will be disabled for a period of time (reason unknown).
Just think, you won’t have to read any of my dumb posts.
The People in China may find out that Egypt and many other countries have had revolts and the protestors are seeking more freedom and democracy. I feel bad for the people in China. They live in so much fear!
12. November 11, 2011 will be a special day. 11:11:11 and 11:11 am on 11/11/11
Did you know?
11 x 11 = 121,
111 x 111 = 123,321
11,111 x 11,111 = 123,454,321
111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321
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