Archive for March, 2011

Best April Fools Joke Ever

My Grandpa told me that he knew the best April Fools Joke ever.

He’s 90 years old and has always said that laughter is the best medicine!

He tells the funniest stories so I couldn’t wait to hear about this April Fools Prank.

Grandpa said that there has never been a better April Fools prank. Just before he told it, you could see he was going over the story in his mind.

He slapped his knee and began to laugh so hard. You know the kind of laugh… just like the baby that laughed hysterically while ripping his dad’s job rejection letter!

I said, ‘Grandpa, I can’t wait any longer, please tell me.’

Between fits of laughter, he said, ‘You won’t believe this.’

My Grandpa always liked to remind us how important laughter is. So before he told me about this incredible April Fools Prank, he recited a few famous quotes about laughter:

There can never be enough said of the virtues, dangers, the power of a shared laugh.  ~Françoise Sagan

A good laugh and a long sleep are the best cures in the doctor’s book.  ~Irish Proverb

When people are laughing, they’re generally not killing each other.  ~Alan Alda

Ok, Grandpa, please tell me.

He finally got control of his laughing fits, looked me squarely in the eyes, and said,

Sorry. I can’t remember it!

APRIL FOOLS

Sorry about that!

Take care!

Amazing Truck Art ~ Fake

GERMAN ARTISTS AT IT AGAIN

Here are 7 pictures of European trucks whose trailers are decorated to look like the sides are missing and the products they are hauling are painted on the sides and back.

BUT!!!!!!!!

These are good, but take a careful look at the truck, the road, the fence and the tree. It is the same truck, same road, same fence and same tree each time. Someone here has used Photoshop to make 7 different drawings on the same base of truck, tree etc. The drawings are good but not real. These are all two-dimensional drawings made to look three-dimensional.

The first one is of a bottle of beer and looks so real, like it is coming out the side of the trailer.

The second is of canvas tote bag.

The third is of Pepsi cases and they are all stacked on the ceiling, and the bottom of the trailer is empty.

The fourth is of another truck with the windshield facing the back and there has been a driver painted in the driver’s seat looking back over his shoulder to appear like he is driving backwards. (Now this one is just plain scary, even when the German reads
‘On the wrong way?’)

The fifth one is of an aquarium with fish swimming in it.

The sixth one is of a bookshelf with books lined up in it and a post-it-note with an advertisement on it, probably for the company that sells the books.

The last one is for Pringles-Hot & Spicy. The ‘inside’ of the trailer has the appearance of having been through a fire.

Chinese Proverb:

‘When someone shares something of value with you, and you benefit from it, you have a moral obligation to share it with others.

David Sokol and The Lubrizol Scandal

Sokol resigned after purchasing $10 million of the stock of Lubrizol Corp. (LZ), a company Sokol suggested that Buffett buy. Sokol bought the shares, and recommended the company’s purchase, in January. In March, Berkshire said it agreed to buy Lubrizol, leading to a $3 million profit on Sokol’s stake in less than three months.

Lubrizol Corporation products are used in a broad range of applications, with multiple end uses such as engine oils, specialty driveline lubricants and metalworking fluids, as well as personal care and over-the-counter pharmaceutical products.

I wonder if Lubrizol has anything

for the HEADACHE that

David Zokol must have????

Could call it ~ LUBRISOKOL

Insider Trading

Seems pretty clear to me.

Could any of us have done what he did?

No!

Therefore, he had inside information!!!!

Many followers of Berkshire Hathaway believe that Mr. Sokol was on the short list to eventually succeed Warren Buffett as CEO.

In his book, Pleased But Not Satisfied, David Sokol sets forth the “six commandments” of business:  Customer Commitment, Employee Commitment, Financial Strength, Integrity, Environmental Respect, and Operational Excellence.

On page 30 of his book, which he hands out to his employees, he writes: “If you are uncertain about an issue it’s useful to ask yourself, ‘Would I be absolutely comfortable for my action to be disclosed on the front page of my hometown newspaper in an article written by a knowledgeable and thorough reporter, and read by my family, friends and co-workers?’”

He should have re-read his book.

If he had, he might have had a chance of replacing Warren Buffet. Now he has embarrassed himself and Berkshire Hathaway and maybe, just maybe could face criminal investigation. The Securities and Exchange Commission was considering whether to launch an insider trading investigation into Berkshire Hathaway Inc. (BRKA, BRKB) executive David Sokol.

Cesar Chavez Day March 31

César Chávez’s Birthday, March 31

In California it is a state holiday,

to promote service to the community in honor of Chávez’s life and work.

March 31, 1927 – April 23, 1993

Chavez was an American farm worker, labor leader, and civil rights activist who, co-founded the National Farm Workers Association, which later became the United Farm Workers.

He spearheaded a grape boycott in 1965 that went nationwide in 1968 and lasted until 1978, resulting in higher wages for farm workers and focusing national attention on their plight.

“Cesar Chavez saw the need for change and made a courageous choice to work to improve the lives of his fellow farm workers,” President Obama stated.

Many California state government offices, community colleges, and libraries are closed. Texas also recognizes the day, and it is an optional holiday in Arizona and Colorado.

Wikipedia: “Sí, se puede” (Spanish for “Yes, it is possible” or, roughly, “Yes, it can be done”

We need more like Cesar Chavez, today!

iThumb or BlackBerry Thumb ~ New Health Hazard

iThumb or BlackBerry thumb is the name given to a repetitive strain injury caused by overusing mobile phones to send emails and texts.

One law firm believes employers can expect a series of lawsuits from staff claiming compensation.

That’s exactly why I’m giving my wife an iRon for Mother’s Day.

This should make her workload a little easier and help her avoid this new health hazard!

I’ll let you know if she appreciates my thoughtfulness.

Don’t forget, Mother’s Day is May 8, 2011

Your Cell Phone Company and Location Tracking

Can you remember where you’ve been?

If not, don’t worry (or do worry).

Your cell phone company does!

Malte Spitz, a German politician and privacy advocate sued his cell phone company for this ASTOUNDING information about his PRIVATE  life.

German newspaper website Zeit Online reports:

“This profile reveals when Spitz walked down the street, when he took a train, when he was in an airplane. It shows where he was in the cities he visited. It shows when he worked and when he slept, when he could be reached by phone and when was unavailable. It shows when he preferred to talk on his phone and when he preferred to send a text message. It shows which beer gardens he liked to visit in his free time. All in all, it reveals an entire life.”

For an unbelievable look at his movement over half a year, take a look at:

http://www.zeit.de/datenschutz/malte-spitz-data-retention

1984 (written in 1949)  Has arrived!

Be afraid, be very afraid!

From Wikipedia:

“Orwellian” describes the situation, idea, or societal condition that George Orwell identified as being destructive to the welfare of a free society. It connotes an attitude and a policy of control by propaganda, surveillance, misinformation, denial of truth, and manipulation of the past, including the “unperson” — a person whose past existence is expunged from the public record and memory, practiced by modern repressive governments. Often, this includes the circumstances depicted in his novels, particularly Nineteen Eighty-Four.

WalMart Greeter Fail

My One Day Employment

So after landing my new job as a WalMart greeter,

a good find for many retirees, I lasted less than a day…. 

About two hours into my first day on the job a very loud,
unattractive, mean-acting woman walked into the store with her two kids,

yelling obscenities at them all the way through the entrance. I said

pleasantly, ‘Good morning and welcome to Wal-Mart.

Nice children you have there. Are they twins?’

The ugly woman stopped yelling long enough to say,
‘Hell no, they ain’t twins. The oldest one’s 9, and the other one’s 7.
Why the hell would you think they’re twins? Are you blind, or stupid?’
So I replied,
‘I’m neither blind nor stupid, Ma’am, I just couldn’t believe

someone slept with you twice.

Have a good day and thank you for shopping at
WalMart.’
My supervisor said I probably wasn’t cut out for this line of work.

On a serious Note: March, 2011

Supreme Court justices questioned the underpinnings of a massive class-action lawsuit against Wal-Mart on Tuesday and whether female employees could show that a common, discriminatory policy governed the company’s pay and promotion decisions.

…while women make up 80 percent of the company’s hourly workers, they account for only 30 percent of its managers. They allege pay discrepancies, unequal promotion policies and a male-dominated management.

Chief Justice John G. Roberts Jr. and Justice Samuel A. Alito Jr. asked, in effect, whether Wal-Mart is any different from other large companies.

Alito wondered whether a company would be in violation of civil rights laws if the disparities in its workforce were typical of other companies. Roberts ventured that Wal-mart might even be a little better.

“Is it true that Wal-Mart’s pay disparity across the company was less than the national average?” Roberts asked Sellers.

MY GUT FEELING is that given the pro business bias of the Chief Justice John Roberts, the Women will lose their case!

WALMART INTERVIEW

Jennifer, a manager at Walmart, had the task of hiring someone to fill a job opening. After sorting through a stack of 20 resumes she found four people who were equally qualified. Jennifer decided to call the four in and ask them only one question. Their answer would determine which of them would get the job.

The day came and as the four sat
around the conference room table, Jennifer asked, ‘What is the fastest thing you know of?’

The first man replied, ‘A THOUGHT.’ It just pops into your head. There’s no warning.

‘That’s very good!’ replied Jennifer.
‘And, now you sir?’, she asked the second man.

‘Hmmm…..let me see ‘A blink! It comes and goes and you don’t know that it ever happened.. A BLINK is the fastest thing I know of.’

‘Excellent!’ said Jennifer. ‘The blink of an eye, that’s a very popular cliche for speed.’ She then turned to the third man, who was contemplating his reply..

‘Well, out at my dad’s ranch, you step out of the house and on the wall there’s a light switch.. When you flip that switch, way out across the pasture the light on the barn comes on in less than an instant. ‘Yip, TURNING ON A LIGHT is the fastest thing I can think of’.

Jennifer was very impressed with the third answer and thought she had found her man. ‘It ‘s hard to beat the speed of light,’ she said.

Turning to Bubba, the fourth and final man, Jennifer posed the same question.

Old Bubba replied, ‘After hearing the previous three answers, it’s obvious to me that the fastest thing known is DIARRHEA.’

‘WHAT!?’ said Jennifer, stunned by the response…

‘Oh sure’, said BUBBA. ‘You see, the other day I wasn’t feeling so good, and I ran for the bathroom, but before I could THINK, BLINK, or TURN ON THE LIGHT, I had already shit my pants.’

BUBBA is now the new greeter at a Wal-Mart near you!

You probably will think of this every time you enter a Wal-Mart from now on.

On a serious Note: March, 2011

Supreme Court justices questioned the underpinnings of a massive class-action lawsuit against Wal-Mart on Tuesday and whether female employees could show that a common, discriminatory policy governed the company’s pay and promotion decisions.

…while women make up 80 percent of the company’s hourly workers, they account for only 30 percent of its managers. They allege pay discrepancies, unequal promotion policies and a male-dominated management.

Chief Justice John G. Roberts Jr. and Justice Samuel A. Alito Jr. asked, in effect, whether Wal-Mart is any different from other large companies.

Alito wondered whether a company would be in violation of civil rights laws if the disparities in its workforce were typical of other companies. Roberts ventured that Wal-mart might even be a little better.

“Is it true that Wal-Mart’s pay disparity across the company was less than the national average?” Roberts asked Sellers.

MY GUT FEELING is that given the pro business bias of the Chief Justice John Roberts, the Women will lose their case!

funny emails, funny stuff, dumb people

Missed Opportunities

There are five things that you cannot recover in life: 

(1) The Stone………..after it’s thrown,

*

(2) The Word……………after it’s said,

(3) The Opportunity……after it’s missed.

(4) The Time………….after it’s gone.

(5) A person……………after they die

Natural Disaster – Marriage Joke

Nobody teaches Icelandic or Hawaiian volcanoes to erupt,
Floods to arise,
Hurricanes to form,

Nobody teaches how to choose a wife
Natural disasters just happen !!!!!!!!!!