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Mark Twain gets birthday tribute from Google
Tom Sawyer graces search engine on the
author’s 176th birthday
It’s the classic scene of boyhood one-upmanship, when Tom Sawyer tricks his friends into whitewashing a fence for him.
Mark Twain, born Samuel Clemens in 1835, published The Adventures of Tom Sawyer in 1876 and its sequel The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn in 1884. Ernest Hemingway said in the 1930s that “all modern American literature comes from one book by Mark Twain called Huckleberry Finn”, and the novels are still hugely popular today.
Twain died in 1910 and remains one of America’s best-loved authors. His autobiography was finally released last year: Twain had specified that it remain unpublished until a century after his death, so that he might feel free to speak his “whole frank mind” as he would be “dead, and unaware, and indifferent”.
In 1909, Twain is quoted as saying:
I came in with Halley’s Comet in 1835. It is coming again next year, and I expect to go out with it. It will be the greatest disappointment of my life if I don’t go out with Halley’s Comet. The Almighty has said, no doubt: ‘Now here are these two unaccountable freaks; they came in together, they must go out together.’
Mark Twain on Religion:
There is one notable thing about our Christianity: bad, bloody, merciless, money-grabbing, and predatory. The invention of hell measured by our Christianity of today, bad as it is, hypocritical as it is, empty and hollow as it is, neither the deity nor his son is a Christian, nor qualified for that moderately high place. Ours is a terrible religion. The fleets of the world could swim in spacious comfort in the innocent blood it has spilled.
Mark Twain is known for his great quotations, too.
Read through some of his quotes below and you’ll soon understand the wit and wisdom that he possessed, and why his quotations are so famous. Many of Mark Twain’s quotes could apply to present day GOP Candidates!
Mark Twain’s Famous Quotes:
Total abstinence is so excellent a thing that it cannot be carried to too great an extent. In my passion for it I even carry it so far as to totally abstain from total abstinence itself.
Life would be infinitely happier if we could only be born at the age of eighty and gradually approach eighteen.
The average American may not know who his grandfather was. But the American was, however, one degree better off than the average Frenchman who, as a rule, was in considerable doubt as to who his father was.
Concerning the difference between man and the jackass: some observers hold that there isn’t any. But this wrongs the jackass.
There has been only one Christian. They caught him and crucified him–early.
A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining, but wants it back the minute it begins to rain.
A man cannot be comfortable without his own approval.
A man is never more truthful than when he acknowledges himself a liar.
There are many humorous things in the world; among them, the white man’s notion that he less savage than the other savages.
Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence in society.
The gentle reader will never, never know what a consummate ass he can become until he goes abroad. I speak now, of course, in the supposition that the gentle reader has not been abroad, and therefore is not already a consummate ass.
The report of my illness grew out of his (James Clemens) illness. The report of my death was an exaggeration.
Heaven goes by favor. If it went by merit, you would stay out and your dog would go in.
A man who carries a cat by the tail learns something he can learn in no other way.
A man’s character may be learned from the adjectives which he habitually uses in conversation.
A person who won’t read has no advantage over one who can’t read.
Of the demonstrably wise there are but two: those who commit suicide, and those who keep their reasoning faculties atrophied with drink.
Get your facts first, and then you can distort them as much as you please.
Ah, well, I am a great and sublime fool. But then I am God’s fool, and all His work must be contemplated with respect.
I am quite sure now that often, very often, in matters concerning religion and politics a man’s reasoning powers are not above the monkey’s.
I would rather have my ignorance than another man’s knowledge, because I have so much more of it.
person with a new idea is a crank until the idea succeeds.
A round man cannot be expected to fit in a square hole right away. He must have time to modify his shape.
Action speaks louder than words but not nearly as often.
Against the assault of laughter nothing can stand.
Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.
All generalizations are false, including this one.
In the first place God made idiots. This was for practice. Then He made school boards.
Let us endeavor so to live that when we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry.
Patriot: the person who can holler the loudest without knowing what he is hollering about.
To be good is noble; but to show others how to be good is nobler and no trouble.
It is by the goodness of God that in our country we have those three unspeakably precious things: freedom of speech, freedom of conscience, and the prudence never to practice either.
All you need is ignorance and confidence and the success is sure.
Always do right. This will gratify some people and astonish the rest.
Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured.
Any emotion, if it is sincere, is involuntary.
Apparently there is nothing that cannot happen today.
As an example to others, and not that I care for moderation myself, it has always been my rule never to smoke when asleep, and never to refrain from smoking when awake.
Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.
Be careless in your dress if you will, but keep a tidy soul.
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Teachers who cannot keep students involved and excited for several hours in the classroom should not be there. John Roueche
Easier in the past!
The main hope of a nation lies in the proper education of its youth. Erasmus
Not happening in the States where Public Education is being destroyed.
The rich don’t care, their kids are in private schools. They also want and need a cheap labour force!
Good teaching is one-fourth preparation and three-fourths theatre. Gail Godwin
Today, the Theatre is in the smart phone!
Tell me and I forget. Show me and I remember. Involve me and I understand.” Chinese proverb”
Share and and the whole world knows!
Setting an example is not the main means of influencing another, it is the only means. Albert Einstein
Give the teacher a smart phone!
The most important knowledge teachers need to do good work is a knowledge of how students are experiencing learning and perceiving their teacher’s actions. Steven Brookfield
If the students knew the teacher was in the room?
All education springs from some image of the future. If the image of the future held by a society is grossly inaccurate, its education system will betray its youth. Alvin Toffler
Hard to keep up when technology is changing too quickly!
Technologies with this property of perpetual self-accelerated development–sometimes termed “autocatalysis”–create conditions that are unstable, unpredictable and unreliable. And since these particular autocatalytic technologies drive whole sectors of society, there is a risk that civilization itself may become unstable, unpredictable and unreliable.
Perhaps what civilization needs is a NOT-SO-FAST button.
It’s not just technology that is changing the teaching profession.
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Teachers who cannot keep students involved and excited for several hours in the classroom should not be there. John Roueche
It’s a different world.
Difficult to keep up with technology.
No need for Text Books.
How do you plan a curriculum?
Apple, the world’s most valuable company by market capitalisation,
is reportedly developing a voice as well as gesture enabled TV set.
I just have one question for Apple about their new iTV.
Will it be programmed for HIS voice or HER voice???
Does Apple not realize the ramifications of this new innovation???
Can you imagine the gestures???
and that’s when the fight started…
Release date not confirmed but it is speculated that the iTV might be prepared for commercial production by February next year. More realistically, it may be released sometime between late 2012 and beginning of 2013.
Why Men Must Hold the Remote Control
Men like to dominate; they want to be in the driver’s seat all the time.
Men like to feel secure – a handle to hold on too.
Men like gadgets and pushing buttons.
Men have short attention span – so need to change channels frequently.
Men like to go as fast as and cover as much as they can in a short period of time.
Men can’t stay still or concentrate for long so they need something for distraction.
Men don’t wanna share.
Men get so exhausted from holding the remote control they fall asleep in front of the tv.
Jokes About Remote Controls
Wife wakes up to find her husband sliding his hand slowly across her back and shoulder… Just brushing her legs, he runs his hand everywhere… He then moves back towards the top and stops……
Wife gasps: “Why did you stop?”
Husband: “Found the remote… go back to sleep!”
“Cash, check or charge?” I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase. As she fumbled for her wallet I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse.
“So, do you always carry your TV remote?” I asked.
“No,” she replied, “but my husband refused to come shopping with me, so I figured this was the most legal evil thing I could do to him.”
Definition of Remote Control:
REMOTE CONTROL (ri-moht kon-trohl) n.
a. female…A device for changing from one TV channel to another.
b. male…A device for scanning through all 175 channels every 2 1/2 minutes.
Why don’t men do laundry?
Cause the washer and dryer don’t run on remote control!
How do you get a man to do sit-ups?
Put the remote control between his toes.
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Didn’t realize pigs were so popular?
Mini Pigs or Dogs ~ Which one makes the best pet?
“I like pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals.”
Sir Winston Churchill
Prices range for mini pigs ~ from $1000 to over $3000
What to name your mini pig:
Hamlet Sir Francis Bacon AbraHam Lincoln Porkins Ham Stoker
Kevin Bacon Ham Solo Hammah Montana Pigmund Freud Humphrey Boargart
A mother pig was walking through the barnyard one day with one of her piglets. Suddenly, a raccoon raced out from behind the barn and scared the living daylights out of the mother pig.
The little hog laughed to see such sport and the sow jumped over the coon.
How does a pig go to hospital?
In a hambulance.
What rolls in mud and delivers pretty baskets?
The Easter Piggy.
What do you call a laundromat for pigs?
How did the farmer know the fox was steeling eggs?
The pig squealed on him.
Why doesn’t anyone want to play on Joanne pig’s football team?
Because she hogs the ball.
What did the dow put on her piglet’s sore snout?
What do piglets do after school?
What did farmer Andy give to farmer Jo for her birthday?
Hogs and Kisses.
What kind of party were Mr. & Mrs. Pig invited to?
A swine and cheese party.
What do you get when you cross an actor with a pig?
A real ham.
Where do hogs eat in the park?
At pig-nic tables.
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A few exercises to make your Cyber Monday Shopping less stressful!
Life and shopping don’t get any better than this!
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Better than Black and Blue Friday
Huge lines and huge crowds can make holiday shopping very stressful.
Today, more people are turning to smart phones and tablets
to ease the pain with apps that let you scan barcodes and compare prices on the fly.
This helps to make Cyber Monday so popular.
Shopping without the crowds and pepper spray!
The following Cyber Monday poem is
Based on the The Mamas And The Papas
Monday, Monday Lyrics
Cyber Monday, so good to me,
Cyber Monday, it was all I hoped it would be
Oh Cyber morning, Cyber morning couldn’t guarantee
That Cyber evening there would still be credit left for me.
Cyber Monday, gotta shop all day,
Cyber Monday, sometimes it just turns out that way
Oh Cyber morning, you gave me no warning of what was to be
Oh Cyber Monday, how could there be so many online deals for me.
Every other day, every other day,
Every other day of the year is fine, yeah
But when Cyber Monday comes, but when Cyber Monday comes
You can find me online shopping all of the time
Cyber Monday, what else would I do
Cyber Monday, all my deals come with free shipping too
Oh Cyber morning, by my computer with my mouse I will be
Oh Cyber Monday, no pushing, hitting or pepper spraying for me.
About half of all online shopping on Cyber Monday happens on consumers’ work computers.
Another significant trend is how many people are now shopping with their phones or other mobile devices.
“From a retail perspective the idea of Black Friday is once people were in your store they would buy other non-sale items.”
ForeSee CEO, Larry Freed said the emergence of mobile Internet access and mobile shopping has turned that concept on its head as shoppers are now able to instantly compare prices online to prices they find in stores…
“It isn’t necessarily good or bad for business, but the idea of ‘Cyber Monday’ or ‘Black Friday’ is a little less important this year than last year,” he said.
“This is because Black Friday is now Thursday evening and online retailers are starting offering their deals as early as Monday or Tuesday. At this rate, in a few years the holiday shopping season could start on July 5.”
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Have you recovered from
Black and Blue Friday?
Since 2005, the Monday after Thanksgiving, has been labelled
and has become one of the busiest shopping days of the year.
Long lines and huge crowds can make holiday shopping very stressful. Today, more people are turning to smart phones and tablets with apps that let you scan barcodes and compare prices on the fly or from the comfort of your home.
The trend of Cyber Monday shoppers making purchases on their lunch hour has transitioned to browsing and buying before work, “or staying up until midnight or 1 a.m. doing their shopping,” says Ellen Davis of the National Retail Federation.
There’s an app that helps you avoid the crazy rush and stress of Black (and Blue) Friday.
Deal News app, as well as an app called CyberMonday Deals 2011, fromCheapDeals101.com may be just the answer.
The apps aggregate sales, which is perfect for one-tap shopping.
Stores planning Cyber Monday sales in The United States and Canada are:
Amazon, Apple Banana Republic, Macy’s, Office Depot, K Mart, Best Buy, Circuit City, Buy.com, Target, the Body Shop, Canadian Tire, Chapters and Indigo, Dell, Future Shop, the Gap, Home Outfitters, La Senza, Lululemon Athletica, Old Navy, PetSmart, Sears, Sephora, The Source, Sport Chek, Sport Mart, Toys “R” Us, Walmart and Zellers.
Keeping Track of Your Cyber Monday Orders with Slice ~ https://www.goslice.com/
“I’ve got family that lives around the country. I order products, I ship them and I hope they’ll get there,” Slice CEO Scott Brady says of his holiday shipping approach. With Slice, “I now know exactly what I ordered and exactly when it’s going to arrive.”
The simplest way to organize everything you buy online.
Just link your email inbox and it automatically works across your favorite merchants.
Track your orders
Follow packages from multiple stores conveniently in one place.
Receive alerts when the price of your purchases drop.
Organize and back up receipts. Contact merchants in case of any issues.
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