Archive for February, 2012

Happy Birthday Leaplings

LEAPLINGS

 Someone born on leap day may be called a leapling. They usually celebrate their birthdays on Feb. 28 or March 1 in common years.

If you were born on February 29, I hope you enjoy this strange and amazing day that comes only once every four years. For the rest of the time you do not “exist.”

How can you determine a leap year?

If the year is evenly divisible by four, add a day to February – unless you can divide the year evenly by 100, then no leap day, unless the year is evenly divisible by 400, then you add a leap day.

Easy!?

What if you were born on the LEAP SECOND?

In the “modern” world, international time is determined by the vibrations of atoms in incredibly accurate atomic clocks, rather than by Earth’s rotation. This has added another kind of leap to the time-keeping lexicon: the leap second.

Keepers of atomic clocks periodically add or subtract one or two seconds a year to keep the clocks synced with a 24-hour day as measured by Earth’s rotation – which on average is gradually slowing. The first leap seconds were added in June and December 1972.

The next leap second – the 25th since 1972 – is slated for this coming June.

When is Easter 2012?

Easter in Canada is celebrated at the same time and in much the same way as it is in other Western countries, like the U.S.

In 2012, Good Friday, falls on April 6, Easter Sunday, is April 8 and Easter Monday is April 9.

Easter Sunday is the Sunday immediately following the first full moon after the vernal (spring) equinox. It can fall anywhere between March 22 and April 25.

April 8 Easter Sunday

Most Vulgar Robot Ever

Star Wars Knock Knock Joke
Knock Knock.
Who’s There?
Art.
Art Who?
R2-D2.

R2-D2, pronounced Artoo-Detoo and often referred to as Artoo

Listen to Artoo “speak” in the video below:

R2-D2 was an astromech droid and one of the most famous and adorable droids of all time. A longtime friend and counterpart of the protocol droid C-3PO, he served the Skywalker family faithfully for many years. Along with his resourcefulness, R2-D2 was equipped by his original owners, the Royal House of Naboo and the Royal Naboo Starfighter Corps, with many tool-tipped appendages that allowed him to serve as a superior starship mechanic and computer interface specialist. A bold droid in personality and temperament, R2-D2 would often enter dangerous situations without second thought in order to give aid to his masters. This adventurous streak served his companions well on numerous occasions, often turning the tide of galactic history.

R2-D2 was a diminutive droid, standing 0.96 meters tall. He rolled on three legs, one could retract into his body, and had a silver and blue domed head. His white, blue, and silver body housed many arms, sensors, and other apparatuses, many of which were not readily seen by the typical humanoid eye. This often made the droid seem like a box of tricks, unexpectedly pulling out some previously unseen but much needed device at a critical moment.

While R2-D2 contained many specialized gadgets, he was also quite good at taking the initiative and often employed unorthodox means to help his friends.

“If I told you half the things I’ve heard about this Jabba the Hutt, you’d probably short circuit” – C3PO to R2D2

Does R2-D2 have any brothers?

No, only transisters!

London 2012 Summer Olympic Scarf ~ Patriotic???

 The Official London Olympic scarf is designed to raise money for the British Athletes. The goal is to emulate the success of red mittens sold during the Vancouver winter Olympics in 2010, which raised millions of dollars.  I own a pair!

It is also intended to be a

patriotic symbol

but many have complained about the scarf

because it is

made in India!

Most (over 90%) of the London 2012 Olympic souvenirs are made outside of England.

The hieroglyphs include a border of 900 figures to represent the 900 Olympic and Paralympic athletes, 900 hearts, images to represent all of the Olympic and sports, and a host of London icons including taxis, double-decker buses and telephone boxes.

Happy Leap Year Birthday

England Football Manager’s Job

What to do after Fabio Capello resigned as

England’s Manager?

From Wikipedia:

The England manager’s job is subject to intense press scrutiny, often including revelations about the incumbent’s private life.^[12][13] Due to the high level of expectation of both the public and media the role has been described as “the impossible job”.

Spurs boss Harry Redknapp is a front runner for the manger’s job. When asked if he thought the FA committee would consider him for the “impossible job”, he said, “Well, England has three options. They can pick me or they can pick someone else!”

**
I don’t know who’s going to get the England manager’s job, but I’d like to be the first to say that he’s useless and should resign.

**
So the new national football manager has to be English with a decent record. How are they going to find anyone that fits that description?

**
Fabio Capello has resigned as England manager. Reminds me of another Italian who left a sinking ship.

Possible candidate:

“I’ll hand out Vuvuzelas before every match and re-introduce oranges at half time.”

**
Justin Bieber rules himself out as the manager. Feels he would be a better basketball coach. He recommends Adele for the job.

**

The teacher asked the students what jobs their parents have. 

Teacher to student: “And what does your dad do?”

Little Johnny: “He’s a stripper in a gay bar.”

After class, the teacher took Little Johnny to one side.

Teacher: “Is that true about your dad?”

Little Johnny: “No, he’s the manger for England but I was too embarassed to say.”

**

The Manager should be someone who can handle the pressure and be able to come up with memorable quotes like the following:

‘If you don’t believe you can win, there is no point in getting out of bed at the end of the day’.  Neville Southall

“Soccer is a simple game its the players that make it complicated” -Willie Watson (Mancheser United)

“Winning doesn’t really matter as long as you win’.  Vinny Jones

‘My parents have been there for me, ever since I was about 7′.  David Beckham

As long as no-one scored, it was always going to be close.

March Calendar 2012 Free Printable

WHY OUR HEALTH CARE COSTS ARE SO HIGH!!!

Kevin had shingles. 

Those of us who spend much time in a doctor’s office should appreciate this! Doesn’t it seem more and more that physicians are running their practices like an assembly line?
Here’s what happened to Kevin: 

Kevin walked into a doctor’s office and the receptionist asked him what he had. Kevin said: ‘Shingles.’ So she wrote down his name, address, medical insurance number and told him to have a seat.

 

Fifteen minutes later a nurse’s aide came out and asked Kevin what he had…
Kevin said, ‘Shingles.’ So she wrote down his height, weight, a complete medical history and told Kevin to wait in the examining room.

 

A half hour later a nurse came in and asked Kevin what he had. Kevin said, ‘Shingles..’ So the nurse gave Kevin a blood test, a blood pressure test, an electrocardiogram, and told Kevin to take off all his clothes and wait for the doctor.

An hour later the doctor came in and found Kevin sitting patiently in the nude and asked Kevin what he had.



Kevin said, ‘Shingles.’ The doctor asked, ‘Where?’
Kevin said, ‘Outside on the truck. Where do you want me to unload ‘em??’  

Shampoo vs. Dishwashing Liquid

2012 London Summer Olympics Humor and Jokes

“The Olympics is my favourite sporting event. Although I have a problem with that silver medal. When you think about it, you win the gold – you feel good, you win the bronze – you think, ‘Well at least I got something’. But when you win silver, it’s like, ‘Congratulations, you ‘almost’ won. Of all the losers, you came in first of that group. You’re the number one ‘loser.’ No one lost ahead of you.”
Jerry Seinfeld

The Anti-Social London Games

To Shake or Not To Shake…

British Athletes are being advised to NOT shake competitors hands during the games. The chance of getting sick may hinder their chances of doing their best. The advice was described as “a bit odd” by Debrett’s, the accepted authority on British etiquette. “It is the normal English greeting,” the etiquette adviser Liz Wyse told the Associated Press. “It is a bit of a sad thing if people are worried about shaking hands in case it spreads disease. It’s not very sociable.”

Olympic Vuvuzelas????

Many Bristish football (male) fans were upset with the new coin that explains the offside rule.

The Royal Mint published a diagram on the back of a 50p coin which explains how the offside rule works.

They felt the diagram should have looked like this:

 Betting Advice: I’m putting all my Money on the Italian in the Olympic swimming final. I don’t know his name but apparently he’s a postman in Venice.

One of my friends was bragging that he made the Olympic Team. What does he want ~ a medal?

It’s 2012 Olympics in London. A Scotsman, Englishman and Irishman want to get in but don’t have tickets. The Scotsman picks up a manhole cover, tucks it under his arm and walks to the gate, “Mcleish, Scotland, discus” he says, and walks in.

The Englishman puts a scaffolding pole over his shoulder, “Jones, England, pole vault” he says, and walks in.

The Irishman picks up a roll of barbed wire and tucks it under his arm, “O’Leary, Ireland, fencing”

• At the Olympic Games, Rhoda meets a man carrying an eight-foot-long metal stick.

  ‘Excuse me,’ says Rhoda to the man. ‘Are you a pole vaulter?’

  ‘No,”‘ says the man, ‘I’m German, but how did you know my name is Walter?’

  ***

  Olympic VIPs will be escorted around London in 4,000 BMWs – so much for the ‘green Games!

  The latest news is that Victoria Beckham has turned down the offer to perform at the opening ceremony with the Spice Girls. That’s their idea of world class entertainment before the world’s stage? A washed up 1990′s group of  lip syncing girls? It’s England. They couldn’t ask Paul McCartney and Ringo Starr? Cold Play, the Who or maybe Adele? They ask the Spice Girls?

  England’s genius has always been in inventing things, not building them. I bet you they are using imported construction labour.

  Most importantly, will Lillibet be there? Chuck and Camilla? Wills and Kate (and will she finally be preggers)? Maybe Royal Watching will be an Olympic event this year. Who is designing the hats for the British team to wear when they enter the stadium?

  

• Pete Jones turned up for the Olympics with some barbed wire under his arm, and came third in the fencing.

• Paul Hamm, Gymnast: I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother and father.

• Olympic Boxing Analyst: Sure there have been injuries, and even some deaths in boxing, but none of them really that serious.

• Olympic Football commentator: If history repeats itself, I should think we can expect the same thing again.

• Olympic Basketball analyst: He dribbles a lot and the opposition doesn’t like it. In fact you can see it all over their faces.

The Olympic Diving Champion

Simon Williams, head of Weymouth and Portland’s 2012 operations team, said the sandcastle was always going to be demolished after a photo call.

The town and neighbouring Portland will host the sailing events at the Games.

Mr Williams said an “organisational decision” had been taken to dismantle the 4m by 2m (13ft by 6.5ft) sandcastle, prior to it being built.

 The decision to tear it down was ~”based on the fact, as I understand it, the way it was constructed,” he said.

“It was not all sand and clearly if you have a very large sand structure with other structural elements in it, if it was to collapse while unattended, I’m sure you media guys would be on our back straight away.”

Perhaps the biggest joke of all:

April 2012 London Olympic Budget:

The current budget is almost four times the estimated cost of staging the Games at the time of the bid in 2005.

*****

Organizers of the 2012 London Summer Olympics were feeling buoyant 

— as the Olympic rings floated down the Thames

We may never know if Andreas Thorkildsen, the Javelin thrower from Norway, broke the world record. Apparently the military thought his javelin was a threat so they shot it down with a roof top missile.