Marriage Jokes and One Liners

Hope you enjoy these Marriage jokes and One Liners

Philip: I’m a man of few words.
Charles: I’m married, too.
The five essential words for a good marriage: ‘I apologize’ and ‘You are right.’
A wedding ring may not be as tight as a tourniquet, but it does an equally good job of stopping circulation.
If your wife wants to learn how to drive, don’t stand in her way.
My opinions are my wife’s, and she says I’m lucky to have them.


Kate, young single lady visits the local dating agency and explains, ‘I’m looking for a husband.  Can you please help me to find a suitable one?’

The dating receptionist needs to find out some details so she asks, ‘ What are your requirements, please?’

‘Well, let me see.’ Kate says, ‘He needs to be fine looking, polite, humorous, sporty, knowledgeable, good at singing and dancing. Willing accompany me the whole day at home during my leisure hours, if I don’t go out. Telling me interesting stories when I need companion for conversation and be silent when I want to rest.’

The receptionist listens politely and carefully and responds, ‘I understand. You need a television.’


Best Man Wedding Speech Jokes

“Asked by a reporter how he had managed to live to the age of 100, an old man explained: ‘Well, son, I got married when I was 21. The wife and I decided that if ever we argued the loser should take a long walk to cool off. So I guess I’ve benefited from 79 years of fresh air.”