Famous Golf Quotes
I thought these were some of the best and funniest quotes about the great game of golf!
When I die, bury me on the golf course, so my husband will visit. Author Unknown
I don’t say my golf game is bad, but if I grew tomatoes they’d come up sliced. Author Unknown
I’ve spent most of my life golfing. The rest I’ve just wasted. Author Unknown
They call it golf because all the other four-letter words were taken. Raymond Floyd
The ardent golfer would play Mount Everest if somebody would put a flag stick on top. Pete Dye (His golf courses reflect this belief!!!)
Golf is played by twenty million mature American men whose wives think they are out having fun. Jim Bishop
It took me seventeen years to get three thousand hits in baseball. I did it in one afternoon on the golf course. Hank Aaron
Golf is a game in which you yell “fore,” shoot six, and write down five. Paul Harvey
Give me golf clubs, fresh air & a beautiful partner, and you can keep the clubs and the fresh air.
Jack Benny
Have you ever noticed what golf spells backwards? Al Boliska
The only time my prayers are never answered is on the golf course. Billy Graham
Reverse every natural instinct and do the opposite of what you are inclined to do, and you will probably come very close to having a perfect golf swing. Ben Hogan
Go play golf. Go to the golf course. Hit the ball. Find the ball. Repeat until the ball is in the hole. Have fun. Chuck Hogan
If you think it’s hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball. Jack Lemmon
It’s good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling. Mark Twain
Don’t play too much golf. Two rounds a day are plenty. Harry Vardon
Golf is a game in which one endeavors to control a ball with implements ill adapted for the purpose.
Woodrow Wilson
A golfer’s diet: live on greens as much as possible. Author Unknown
Gone golfin’ … be back about dark thirty. Author Unknown
Born to golf. Forced to work. Author Unknown
My body is here, but my mind has already teed off. Author Unknown
Golf and sex are the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. Jimmy DeMaret
May thy ball lie in green pastures …. and not in still waters. Author Unknown
If I hit it right, it’s a slice. If I hit it left, it’s a hook. If I hit it straight, it’s a miracle. Author Unknown
The difference in golf and government is that in golf you can’t improve your lie.
George Deukmejian
Golf is a game invented by the same people who think music comes out of bagpipes. Author Unknown
Categories: Uncategorized Tags: famous, Golf, Humor, Quotes
English is Hard to Learn! – Back to School
‘I refuse to read this refuse!’
******
A poem showing how Absurd the English Language is.
When the English tongue we speak.
Why is break not rhymed with freak?
Will you tell me why it’s true
We say sew but likewise few?
And the maker of the verse,
Cannot rhyme his horse with worse?
Beard is not the same as heard
Cord is different from word.
Cow is cow but low is low
Shoe is never rhymed with foe.
Think of hose, dose,and lose
And think of goose and yet with choose
Think of comb, tomb and bomb,
Doll and roll or home and some.
Since pay is rhymed with say
Why not paid with said I pray?
Think of blood, food and good.
Mould is not pronounced like could.
Wherefore done, but gone and lone -
Is there any reason known?
To sum up all, it seems to me
Sound and letters don’t agree.
This was written by Lord Cromer, published in the Spectator of August 9th, 1902
*******************
AND other strange English Language facts
He could lead if he would get the lead out.
A farm can produce produce.
The dump was so full it had to refuse refuse.
The soldier decided to desert in the desert.
The present is a good time to present the present.
At the Army base, a bass was painted on the head of a bass drum.
The dove dove into the bushes.
I did not object to the object.
The insurance for the invalid was invalid.
The bandage was wound around the wound.
There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.
They were too close to the door to close it.
The buck does funny things when the does are present.
They sent a sewer down to stitch the tear in the sewer line.
To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
After a number of Novocain injections, my jaw got number.
I shed a tear when I saw the tear in my clothes.
I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?
I spent last evening evening out a pile of dirt.
We polish the Polish furniture.
And Finally:
There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple.
English muffins weren’t invented in England or French fries in France.
Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren’t sweet, are meat.
Quicksand can work slowly.
Boxing rings are square and
if vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat??????
*****
Same Words, Different Meanings
Eight different meanings, depending on where in the sentence you place ONLY.
1. ONLY I hit him in the eye yesterday. (No one else did)
2. I ONLY hit him in the eye yesterday. (Did not slap him)
3. I hit ONLY him in the eye yesterday. (I did not hit others)
4. I hit him ONLY in the eye yesterday. (I did not hit outside the eye)
5. I hit him in ONLY the eye yesterday. (Not other organs)
6. I hit him in the ONLY eye yesterday. (He doesn’t have another eye)
7. I hit him in the eye ONLY yesterday. (Not today)
8. I hit him in the eye yesterday ONLY. (Did not wait for today)
*******
Categories: 0. Top 10 Posts, 1. Funny Email Forwards, Answers to WHY TEACHERS DRINK, Education, Email Delanteros Humor Interesante, FUNNY EMAILS, Humor, I've learned that..., Interesting Facts, Jokes Tags: English, funny sayings, Humor, language
FATHERS THEN AND NOW – For Father’s Day
Fathers then & now
Fathers of 1900 didn’t have it nearly as good as fathers of 2012; but they did have a few advantages:
In 1900, a father’s horsepower meant his horses.
Today, it’s the size of his minivan.
In 1900, if a father put a roof over his family’s head, he was a success.
Today, it takes a roof, deck, pool, and 4-car garage. And that’s just the vacation home.
In 1900, a father waited for the doctor to tell him when the baby arrived.
Today, a father must wear a smock, know how to breathe, and make sure he knows how to use a digital camera.
In 1900, fathers passed on clothing to their sons.
Today, kids wouldn’t touch Dad’s clothes if they were sliding naked down an icicle.
In 1900, fathers could count on children to join the family business.
Today, fathers pray their kids will soon come home from college long enough to teach them how to work the computer and show them how to record TV shows.
In 1900, fathers pined for old country ~ Romania, Italy, or Russia.
Today, fathers pine for old country Hank Williams.
In 1900, a father smoked a pipe.
If he tries that today, he gets sent outside after a lecture on lip cancer.
In 1900, fathers shook their children gently and whispered, “Wake up, it’s time for school.”
Today, kids shake their fathers violently at 4 a.m., shouting: “Wake up, it’s time for hockey practice.”
In 1900, a father came home from work to find his wife and children at the supper table.
Today, a father comes home to a note: “Jimmy’s at baseball, Cindy’s at gymnastics, I’m at adult-Ed, Pizza in fridge.”
In 1900, fathers and sons would have heart-to-heart conversations while fishing in a stream.
Today, fathers pluck the headphones off their sons’ ears and shout, “WHEN YOU HAVE A MINUTE..”
In 1900, a father gave a pencil box for Christmas, and the kid was all smiles.
Today, a father spends $800 at Toys ‘R’ Us, and the kid screams: “I wanted an iPad!”
In 1900, if a father had breakfast in bed, it was eggs and bacon and ham and potatoes.
Today, it’s Special K, soy milk, dry toast and a lecture on cholesterol.
In 1900, a Father’s Day gift would be a hand tool.
Today, he’ll get a digital organizer.
In 1900, fathers said, “A man’s home is his castle.”
Today, they say, “Welcome to the money pit.”
In 1900, “a good day at the market” meant Father brought home feed for the horses.
Today, “a good day at the market” means Dad got in early on an IPO ( not Facebook ~ I hope).
In 1900, a happy meal was when Father shared funny stories around the table.
Today, a happy meal is what Dad buys at McDonald’s.
In 1900, a father was involved if he spanked the kid now and then.
Today, a father’s involved only if he coaches Little League and organizes Boy Scouts and car pools.
In 1900, when fathers entered the room, children often rose to attention.
Today, kids glance up and grunt, “Dad, you’re invading my space.”
In 1900, fathers threatened their daughters suiters with shotguns if the girl came home late.
Today, fathers break the ice by saying, “So…how long have you had that earring?”
In 1900, fathers pined for the old school, which meant a one-room, red-brick building.
Today, fathers pine for the old school, which means Dr J and Mickey Mantle.
In 1900, fathers were never truly appreciated.
In 2012, fathers are never truly appreciated.
Categories: 1. Funny Email Forwards, 2. Father's Day, 4. Old Age or Golden Years Jokes, Email Delanteros Humor Interesante, email Forwards, FUNNY EMAILS, Humor, I've learned that..., Interesting Facts Tags: facts, fathers, Humor, past and present
What is a Geek?
When Life Gives You Questions, Google has Answers ~ AJ Carpio
What kind of Geek are you?
geek/g?k/
| Noun: |
|
Like nerds, geeks are smart,
but they tend to focus more on technology.
Geeks are the people you make fun of in high school
and later work for as an adult.
Geek Quotes, Geek Sayings and things all Geeks should know!
1f u c4n r34d th1s u r34lly n33d t0 g37 l41d ~ tee shirt
*
“I’m going to give you a little advice. There’s a force in the universe that makes things happen. And all you have to do is get in touch with it, stop thinking, let things happen, and be the ball.” – Ty Webb, Caddyshack
*
There are 10 types of people in the world: those who understand binary, and those who don’t. ~ unknown geek
*
“Hokey religions and ancient weapons are no substitute for a good blaster at your side, kid.” -
Han Solo, Star Wars
*
The glass is neither half-full nor half-empty: it’s twice as big as it needs to be. ~ unknown geek
*
Roses are #FF0000, Violets are #0000FF. All my base Are belong to you — someone on SlashDot
*
Girls and Geeks
Girls are like Internet Domain names, the ones I like are already taken.
Geek Shirt
Space Invaders T-Shirt Flag
HeadlineShirts.com
Categories: 1. Funny Email Forwards, 5. Funny Poster of the Day, Email Delanteros Humor Interesante, email Forwards, Famous Quotes, FUNNY EMAILS, Funny Sayings, Great Pictures, Great Posters, Humor, I've learned that..., Interesting Facts, Jokes Tags: definition, funny sayings, geeks, Humour, Jokes, Quotes
Happy Memorial Day
Happy Memorial Day
Freedom is never free.
~ Unknown
HAPPY MEMORIAL DAY
I found these Memorial Day Quotes to be especially Inspirational!
“And they who for their country die
Shall fill an honored grave,
For glory lights the soldier’s tomb,
And beauty weeps the brave.”
~J R Drake
And each man stand with his face in the light of his own drawn sword. Ready to do what a hero can.
Elizabeth Barrett Browning
Four things support the world: the learning of the wise, the justice of the great, the prayers of the good, and the valor of the brave.
Muhammad
As we express our gratitude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them
~ John F. Kennedy
The true soldier fights not because he hates what is in front of him, but because he loves what is behind him.
~ G.K. Chesterton
The world is a dangerous place, not because of those who do evil, but because of those who look on and do nothing.
~Albert Einstein
Categories: Beautiful Email Forwards, email Forwards, Famous Quotes, Great Pictures, Great Posters, In the News, Inspirational Tags: happy memorial day, memorial Day, memorial day posters, memorial day quotes, poster, quote
iPads at Half Price
Subject: iPads at half price
Hi All,If you are interested in getting an iPad, I can get them through a contact. These are legal, not off the back of a truck.
|
Categories: 1. Funny Email Forwards, 5. Funny Poster of the Day, Email Delanteros Humor Interesante, email Forwards, FUNNY EMAILS, Funny Pictures, Humor, I've learned that..., Interesting Facts, Jokes Tags: funny email forwards, Humor, ipads
Three Little Pigs Go Out For Dinner
Three Little Pigs
A hilarious twist on the children’s nursery rhyme!
Three Little Pigs went out to dinner one night. The waiter came and took their drink order.
“I would like a Sprite,” said the first little piggy.
“I would like a Coke,” said the second little piggy.
“I want beer, lots and lots of beer,” said the third little piggy.
The drinks were brought out and the waiter took their orders for dinner.
“I want a nice big steak,” said the first piggy.
“I would like the salad plate,” said the second piggy.
“I want beer, lots and lots of beer,” said the third little piggy.
The meals were brought out and a while later the waiter approached the table and asked if the piggies would like any dessert.
“I want a banana split,” said the first piggy.
“I want a cheesecake,” said the second piggy.
“I want beer, lots and lots of beer,” exclaimed the third little piggy.
“Pardon me for asking,” said the waiter to the third little piggy,”
But why have you only ordered beer all evening?”
The third piggy says -
“Well, somebody has to go ‘Wee, wee, wee, all the way home!
Three Little Pigs
A hilarious twist on the children’s nursery rhyme!
Three Little Pigs went out for dinner one night.
The waiter came and took their drink order.
“I would like a Sprite,” said the first little piggy.
“I would like a Coke,” said the second little piggy.
“I want beer, lots and lots of beer,” said the third little piggy.
The drinks were brought out and the waiter took their orders for dinner.
“I want a nice big steak,” said the first piggy.
“I would like the salad plate,” said the second piggy.
“I want beer, lots and lots of beer,” said the third little piggy.
The meals were brought out and a while later the waiter
approached the table and asked if the piggies would like any dessert.
“I want a banana split,” said the first piggy.
“I want a cheesecake,” said the second piggy.
“I want beer, lots and lots of beer,” exclaimed the third little piggy.
“Pardon me for asking,” said the waiter to the third little piggy,”
But why have you only ordered beer all evening?”
The third piggy says -
“Well, somebody has to go ‘Wee, wee, wee, all the way home!
Categories: 1. Funny Email Forwards, Email Delanteros Humor Interesante, email Forwards, FUNNY EMAILS, Funny Pictures, Humor, I've learned that..., Interesting Facts, Jokes Tags: cute, Humor, joke, three little pigs
Weekly Fitness Routine – My Version of a Workout
The Doctor told me, I should start an exercise program. Not Wanting
to harm this old body, I’ve devised the following:
Monday
Beat around the bush
Jump to conclusions
Climb the walls
Wade through the morning paper
Tuesday
Drag my heels
Push my luck
Make mountains out of mole hills
Hit the nail on the head
Wednesday
Bend over backwards
Jump on the Band Wagon
Run around in circles
Thursday
Advise the President on how to run the country
Toot my own horn
Pull out all the stops
Add fuel to the fire
Friday
Open a can of worms
Put my foot in my mouth
Start the ball rolling
Go over the edge
Saturday
Pick up the pieces.
Sunday
Kneel in prayer
Bow my head in thanksgiving
Uplift my hands in praise
Hug someone and encourage them.
Whew! What a workout!
funny emails
Categories: 1. Funny Email Forwards, 4. Old Age or Golden Years Jokes, Email Delanteros Humor Interesante, Exercise, Fitness For the Golden Years, FUNNY EMAILS, Humor, Interesting Facts Tags: exercise, Funny, Humor
The Chalk Man is Back ~ 3D sidewalk chalk drawings
Remember, these pictures are actually
flat.
This guy continues to amaze people with
his sidewalk 3D chalk drawings.
~pictures are actually flat.
Remember, these pictures are actually flat.
Totally worthy of forwarding!
Categories: Beautiful Email Forwards, email Forwards, Funny Pictures, Great Pictures, Inspirational, Interesting Facts Tags: amazing art, art, chalk, sidewalk
Best Golf Game Ever
A mini-tour player by the name Rhein Gibson did something last week that could be the greatest accomplishment in the history of the game.
He went out with a couple of buddies to play a round at River Oaks Golf Club in Oklahoma, a course he would frequent during his time at Oklahoma Christian University, and shot a 16-under round of 55, a number that is said to have at least tied, if not beaten, the lowest round ever recorded in golf history.
What stands out for me is that his playing partner shot an incredible 69 and lost by 14 shots!
Categories: email Forwards, I've learned that..., In the News, Interesting Facts, Sports Tags: best score, Golf, interesting
