HAPPY THANKSGIVING JOKES AND ONE LINERS
Thanksgiving is an emotional holiday.
People travel thousands of miles to be
with people they only see once a year and
then discover once a year is way too often. — Johnny Carson
Turkey farmer A turkey farmer was always experimenting with breeding the perfect turkey, specifically one with more legs to satisfy his family’s preference for dark meat. After many frustrating attempts, the farmer was telling his friends about his recent success. “Well I finally did it! I bred a turkey that has six legs!” His friends all asked the farmer how it tasted. I don’t know,” said the farmer. “I never could catch the darn thing!” ** Q: Why did the Pilgrims want to sail to America in the spring? A: Because April showers bring Mayflowers! **
Q: What did the mama turkey say to her naughty son? A: If your papa could see you now, he’d turn over in his gravy! ** Q: Why do turkeys always go, “gobble, gobble”? A: Because they never learned good table manners! * * Q: What sound does a turkey’s phone make? A: Wing Wing **
Q: What sound does a space turkey make? A: Hubble, Hubble, Hubble. * * Q: Who is not hungry at Thanksgiving? A: The turkey because he’s already stuffed! * * After Thanksgiving dinner was finished, Mort saw his little brother Sid in the backyard, poking holes in the dirt and filling them in with birdseed. “Why are you planting birdseed?” Mort asked. “I’m growing next year’s turkey,” Sid replied. **
Q: Why did the farmer run a steamroller over his potato field on Thanksgiving Day? A: He wanted to raise mashed potatoes. ** Q: In what country is Thanksgiving ironically not celebrated? A: Turkey. ** Q: If you call a large turkey a gobbler what do you call a small one? A: Goblet. ** Q: What did the turkey say to the computer? A: “Google, google, google.” ** Q: How can you tell a male turkey from a female turkey? A: The male is the one holding the remote control. **
A man buys a parrot, only to have it constantly insult him. He tries everything to make the parrot stop, but nothing works. Frustrated, the man puts the parrot in the freezer. After a few minutes the insults stop. The man thinks he might have killed the parrot, so he opens the freezer and takes the parrot out. The parrot is shivering. It stammers, “S-s-sorry for being r-r-rude. Please f-f-forgive me.” Then, after a moment, the parrot softly asks, “W-w-what exactly d-d-did the turkey do?”
Q: What did the turkey say to the turkey hunter? A: “Quack! Quack!”
Q:What key has legs and can’t open doors? A: A turkey. ** Q: Can a turkey jump higher than the Empire State Building? A: Yes – a building can’t jump at all. * * Q: What do you get when you cross a turkey with an octopus? A: Enough drumsticks for Thanksgiving. * * Q: How can you make a turkey float? A: You need 2 scoops of ice cream, some root beer, and a turkey. ** Q: Why did the farmer have to separate the chicken and the turkey? A: He sensed fowl play.
Q: What sound does a limping turkey make? A: “Wobble, wobble!”
Q: What kind of music did the Pilgrims listen to? A: Plymouth Rock!
Sister: Mom wants your to help us fix Thanksgiving dinner. Little Johnny: Why? Is it broken? ** Q: Which November holiday is Dracula’s favorite? A: Fangs-giving!