Grandparents are Funny
Grandparents are funny!
“Grandparents are a delightful blend of laughter,
caring deeds, wonderful stories and love.”
-Author Unknown
The idea that no one is perfect is a view
most commonly held by people with no grandchildren.
~Doug Larson
- Grandparents are a family’s greatest treasure, the founders of a loving legacy, The greatest storytellers, the keepers of traditions that linger on in cherished memory. Grandparents are the family’s strong foundation. Their very special love sets them apart. Through happiness and sorrow, through their special love and caring, grandparents keep a family close at heart. ~author unknown
- Surely, two of the most satisfying experiences in life must be those of being a grandchild or a grandparent. ~Donald A. Norberg
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Grandparents bring about a side that you probably wish that’s how your parents dealt with you while you were a child. Abundance of indulgence and unwavering love. ~ author unknown
- Even young grandparents seem enormously old to a small child, although the child may politely deny it. One small girl, feeling proud of reaching the monumental age of four, turned to her young-looking grandmother and asked, “How come I’m so old if you’re so new?” ~Alison Judson Ryerson
- What is it about grandparents that is so lovely? I’d like to say that grandparents are God’s gifts to children. And if they can but see, hear and feel what these people have to give, they can mature at a fast rate. ~Bill Cosby
- Grandparents are similar to a piece of string – handy to have around and easily wrapped around the fingers of their grandchildren. ~Author Unknown
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Keeping Your Grey Cells Active Test for Seniors
Something to keep those grey cells active!
funny test for seniors
1. Johnny ‘s mother had three children. The first child was named April. The second child was named May.
…What was the third child ‘s name?
2. There is a clerk at the butcher shop, he is five feet ten inches tall and he wears size 13 sneakers.…What does he weigh?
3. Before Mt. Everest was discovered, …what was the highest mountain in the world?
4. How much dirt is there in a hole …that measures two feet by three feet by four feet?
5. What word in the English Language …is always spelled incorrectly?
6. Billy was born on December 28th, yet his birthday is always in the summer.….How is this possible?
7. In California , you cannot take a picture of a man with a wooden leg. …Why not?8. What was the President ‘s Name…in 1975?
9. If you were running a race, …and you passed the person in 2nd place, what place would you be in now?
10. Which is correct to say,… “The yolk of the egg are white” or “The yolk of the egg is white”?
11. If a farmer has 5 haystacks in one field and 4 haystacks in the other field,….how many haystacks would he have if he combined them all in another field?
Here are the Answers
1. Johnny ‘s mother had three children. The first child was as named April The second was named May. What was the third child ‘s name?Answer:Johnny of course
2. There is a clerk at the butcher shop, he is five feet ten inches tall, and he wears size 13 sneakers. What does he weigh?Answer: Meat.
3. Before Mt. Everest was discovered, what was the highest mountain in the world?
Answer: Mt. Everest; it just wasn ‘t discovered yet. [ You 're not very good at this are you?]
4. How much dirt is there in a hole that measures two feet by three feet by four feet?
Answer: There is no dirt in a hole.
5. What word in the English Language is always spelled incorrectly?
Answer: Incorrectly
6. Billy was born on December 28th, yet his birthday is always in the summer. How is this possible?Answer: Billy lives in the Southern Hemisphere
7. In California , you cannot take a picture of a man with a wooden leg. Why not?Answer: You can ‘t take pictures with a wooden leg. You need a camera to take pictures.
8. What was the President ‘s Name in 1975?
Answer: Same as is it now - Barack Obama [Oh, come on ...]
9. If you were running a race, and you passed the person in 2nd place, what place would you be in now?
Answer: You would be in 2nd. Well, you passed the person in second place, not first.
10. Which is correct to say, “The yolk of the egg are white” or “The yolk of the egg is white”?
Answer: Neither, the yolk of the egg is yellow [Duh]
11. If a farmer has 5 haystacks in one field and 4 haystacks in the other field, how many haystacks would he have if he combined them all in another field?
Answer: One. If he combines all of his haystacks, they all become one big one.
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~~~~ IMPOSSIBILITIES IN THE WORLD
1) You can’t count your hair.
2) You can’t wash your eyes with soap.
3) You can’t breathe through your nose when your tongue is out.
Put your tongue back in your mouth, you silly person.
Ten (10) Things I know about you.
1) You are reading this.
2) You are human.
3) You can’t say the letter ”P” without separating your lips.
4) You just attempted to do it.
6) You are laughing at yourself.
7) You have a smile on your face and you skipped No. 5.
8) You just checked to see if there is a No. 5.
9) You laugh at this because you are a fun loving person & everyone does it too.
10) You are probably going to send this to see who else falls for it.You have received this e-mail because I didn’t want to be alone in the idiot category.
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My Mother Taught Me!
- My Mother taught me about ‘anticipation.’
“Just wait until your father gets home.”
My Mother taught me to ‘meet a challenge.’
“What were you thinking? Answer me when I talk to you! Don’t talk back to me!”
My Mother taught me ‘logic.’ - “If you fall out off that swing and break your neck, you’re not going to the store with me.”
- You spend a half hour searching for your sunglasses only to have your teenager say, “Mom, why don’t you wear the ones you pushed up on your head?”
- You hear a baby cry in the grocery store, and you start to gently sway back and forth, back and forth. However, your children are at school!
- My mother taught me about ‘hypocrisy.’
“If I told you once, I’ve told you a million times. Don’t exaggerate!”
My mother taught me the ‘circle of Life.’
“I brought you into this world, and I can take you out.” 
My mother taught me about ‘behavior modification.’
“Stop acting like your father!”- For weeks a six-year old lad kept telling his first-grade teacher about the baby brother or sister that was expected at his house.
One day the mother allowed the boy to feel the movements of the unborn child. The six-year old was obviously impressed, but made no comment. Furthermore, he stopped telling his teacher about the impending event.
The teacher finally sat the boy on her lap and said, “Tommy, whatever has become of that baby brother or sister you were expecting at home?”
Tommy burst into tears and confessed, “I think Mommy ate it!” - Mother to daughter advice:
Cook a man a fish and you feed him for a day.
But teach a man to fish and you get rid of him for the whole weekend. - The mother of three notoriously unruly youngsters was asked whether or not she’d have children if she had it to do over again. “Yes,” she replied. “But not the same ones.
Check out the following site for more jokes, stories, free animations and poems about Mother’s Day:
http://mothersdayfunontheweb.blogspot.com/
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Mother doesn’t want a Dog for Mother’s Day – very funny poem
Mother Doesn’t Want a Dog for Mother’s Day by Judith Viorst
Mother doesn’t want a dog.
Mother says they smell,
And never sit when you say sit,
Or even when you yell.
And when you come home late at night
And there is ice and snow,
You have to go back out because
the dumb dog has to go.
Mother doesn’t want a dog.
Mother says they shed,
And always let the strangers in
And bark at friends instead,
And do disgraceful things on rugs,
And track mud on the floor,
And flop upon your bed at night
And snore their doggy snore.
Mother doesn’t want a dog.
She’s making a mistake.
Because, more than a dog,
I think She will not want this snake.
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Romance and Old Age
I wonder if Romance and Old Age will really be like this?
An older couple were lying in bed. The husband was falling asleep but the wife was in a romantic mood, and she wanted to talk.
She said: “You used to hold my hand when we were courting.”
Wearily he reached across, held her hand for a second and tried to get back to sleep.
A few moments later she said: “Then you used to kiss me.”
Mildly irritated, he reached across, gave her a peck on the cheek and settled down to sleep.
Thirty seconds later she said: “Then you used to bite my neck.”
Angrily, he threw back the bed clothes and got out of bed. “Where are you going?” she asked.
“To get my teeth!”
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It’s the tortoise life for me!
As I was lying in bed pondering the problems of the world,
I rapidly realized - It’s the tortoise life for me!
I rapidly realized - It’s the tortoise life for me!
1. If walking/cycling is good for your health, the postman would be immortal.
2. A whale swims all day, only eats fish, drinks water, and is fat.
3. A rabbit runs and hops and only lives 15 years.
4. A tortoise doesn’t run and does nothing, yet it lives for 450 years.
And you tell me to exercise?? I don’t think so.
I’m retired. Go around me!
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Just a Little Heart Attack
Women are so good at multitasking that they just might miss something like a little Hear Attack!
“I know…how can a video about women and heart attacks be funny?
But, somehow they managed to make this one both informative and amusing.
Please watch.”
There’s a lot of talk about inequality between men and women, but one area in particular where women are leading in record numbers: heart disease. It’s the No. 1 killer of women and is more deadly than all forms of cancer.
For more information about Go Red For Women and Heart Disease check out:
http://www.goredforwomen.org/home/about-heart-disease-in-women/
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What are the Most Asked Questions in the World?
Have you ever wondered what the most asked questions are?
Besides what to get your Mother for Mother’s Day?
1. What is the meaning of life?
2. Is there a God?
3. Will I get laid tonight?
4. Why is there suffering and death?
5. Is there life on other planets?
6. Which are better, dogs or cats?
7. How can I lose weight and keep it off?
8. Do I really have a soul Mate?
9. When will the world end?
10. Why do men lose their hair?
Answers to follow when I get them!!!
Bonus:
One of the most asked and difficult question to answer…
Why are women so difficult to understand??
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Incredible Card Trick? Email Forward
What an incredible card trick!
Anyone know how this amazing
card trick works?????
Now send it to some of your Friends,so they can have fun also.I tried this over and over again andevery time the card I picked was gone…How can that be??????TO ALL, FASCINATING STUFF!THIS ONE IS MIND-BOGGLING!!!
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To All Smart Women
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