5. Funny Poster of the Day

Don’t Forget Father’s Day

Father’s Day is

Sunday, June 16,  2013

Don’t Forget!

Tiger Woods and The Masters Illegal Drop Scandal

Tiger Woods was assessed a two stoke penalty at the Masters for an illegal drop!

Who called in to let the officials know that Tiger Woods took an illegal drop?

There are a number of conspiracy theories

but many believe that the call was from Sweden.

Apparently a beautiful Swedish viewer was the caller!

Elin Nordegren?????????

The Masters Rules committee says a 2 stroke penalty is enough!

The Golf Channel “experts” say he should disqualify himself.

What do think Tiger Woods should do after being told he made an illegal drop.

Some say:

1. He should be disqualified.

2. Tiger Woods’ Penalty Should Have Been Assessed On The Spot Or Not At All

2. A two stroke penalty is enough

4. Tiger should continue to play

5. Tiger Woods should disqualify himself

If  Tiger Woods disqualifies himself from the masters for the illegal drop, one thing is certain. TV ratings will go way down. Most of the “experts”, who are fuelling this scandal,  on the Golf Channel should realize that their jobs probably wouldn’t exist if it wasn’t for Tiger!

Tiger Woods and The Masters Illegal Drop Scandal

 to be continued…

A Politician’s Stance on Legalizing Marijuana

I thought this little “Joke” about leagalizing marijuana was quite timely.

A recent poll showed 

a majority of Americans support legalizing marijuana!

And with 420 Day fast approaching!!!

A Senator in the USA was once asked about his attitude toward legalizing marijuana.

“If you are talking about the substance that is an effective treatment of seizures and migraines, that also helps MS patients, and relieves pain, nausea and vomiting and increases appetite in people with cancer and AIDS. The substance that relaxes its users in this terribly stressful world? Can you imagine the tax revenue that we senators could put to good use to help the 99%. Then I’m all for legalizing marijuana. Besides, there is no existing evidence of anyone dying of a marijuana overdose.”

‘However, If you mean the demon weed that poisons the mind, pollutes the body, and desecrates family life,  then I’m against it.

This is my position, and I will not compromise.’

Funny Quotes about Hypocritical Politicians

A hypocrite is the kind of politician who would cut down a redwood tree, then mount the stump and make a speech for conservation.
Adlai E. Stevenson 

In religion and politics people’s beliefs and convictions are in almost every case gotten at second-hand, and without examination, from authorities who have not themselves examined the questions at issue but have taken them at second-hand from other non-examiners, whose opinions about them were not worth a brass farthing.
- Autobiography of Mark Twain

The political and commercial morals of the United States are not merely food for laughter, they are an entire banquet.
- Mark Twain in Eruption

I was really too honest a man to be a politician and live.
Socrates

My Wife’s Interviewing Skills

My wife and I operate a small but growing craft brewing business and we needed to hire a new employee. Bryan applied for an interview but I threw his application in the garbage. SHE (without me knowing) replied to Bryan!

****************

AND THAT’S WHEN THE FIGHT STARTED…

I applied for the job. I feel really qualified to work in a beer business.

And she picked Bryan????

What does she see in Bryan? I bet he doesn’t even drink beer and watch TV!

The Talking Frog and The Engineer

A male engineering student was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and said, “If you kiss me, I’ll turn into a beautiful princess.”

He bent over, picked up the frog, and put it in his pocket.

The frog spoke up again and said, “If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week.” The engineering student took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it; and returned it to his pocket.

The frog then cried out, “If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I’ll stay with you and do ANYTHING you want.” Again the boy took the frog out, smiled at it, and put it back into his pocket. 

Finally, the frog asked, “What is the matter? I’ve told you I’m a beautiful princess, that I’ll stay with you for a week and do anything you want. Why won’t you kiss me?”

The boy said, “Look I’m an engineer. I don’t have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog is cool.”

Barbecue Humor and BBQ Puns

A Little Barbecue Humor and a Few BBQ Rules For You That Are Hot Off the Grill

To barbecue or not to barbecue, that is the question. – William Shakespeare

Barbecue is popular because it combines the maximum of temptation with the maximum of opportunity. – George Bernard Shaw

Build a barbecue that even a fool can use, and only a fool will want to use it. – George Bernard Shaw

What would you attempt to barbecue if you knew you could not fail? – Robert Schuller

Those who cannot remember the past barbecue are condemned to repeat it. – George Santayana

Experience is simply the name we give our barbecue mistakes. – Oscar Wilde

Always tell the truth about your barbecue. Then you don’t have to remember anything. – Mark Twain

BBQ RULES
Summary of the etiquette of this sublime outdoor cooking activity. When a man volunteers to do the BBQ the following chain of events are put into motion:

Routine…
(1) The woman buys the food.
(2) The woman makes the salad, prepares the vegetables, and makes dessert.
(3) The woman prepares the meat for cooking, places it on a tray along with the necessary cooking utensils and sauces, and takes it to the man who is lounging beside the grill – beer in hand.
(4) The woman remains outside the compulsory three meter exclusion zone where the exuberance of testosterone and other manly bonding activities can take place without the interference of the woman.

Here comes the important part:
(5) THE MAN PLACES THE MEAT ON THE GRILL.

More routine…
(6) The woman goes inside to organize the plates and cutlery.
(7) The woman comes out to tell the man that the meat is looking great. He thanks her and asks if she will bring another beer while he flips the meat

Important again:
(8) THE MAN TAKES THE MEAT OFF THE GRILL AND HANDS IT TO THE WOMAN.

More routine…
(9) The woman prepares the plates, salad, bread, utensils, napkins, sauces, and brings them to the table.

(10) After eating, the woman clears the table and does the dishes.

And most important of all:
(11) Everyone PRAISES the MAN and THANKS HIM for his cooking efforts.

(12) The man asks the woman how she enjoyed ‘ her night off ‘ and, upon seeing her annoyed reaction, concludes that there’s just no pleasing some women!

and that’s when the fight started…

Some Rare Advice for Grate Barbecue Competitions!

If you ever want to smoke the competition, don’t grill your opponent, you’ll find that to be the pits. Never meat them before hand. You should really stake a claim on ribbing them; like calling them a clumsy cleaner or a slow cook. If you are a little nervous don’t chicken out or rake your self over the coals. That would be a missed steak! 

If you are barbecuing chicken and run out of poultry seasoning just wing it.

If you decide to bbq a rump roast use nothing butt the best!

Just relish the fact that you’ve mustard the strength to ketchup to the competition.

WHY NOT LEGALIZE MARIJUANA?

A majority of Americans support legalizing marijuana! 

Why not Legalize Marijuana???

With the recent very Disappointing job growth in March

and the incredible growing gap between the rich and the 99%,

You would think the the Powers that be in America,

might want to keep the masses HAPPY.

Because if the Masses aren’t happy…

Should be an interesting National Weed Day this year!

(April 20 or 420 day ) 

Click here for more funny Weed Day Stuff

If America is a Democracy, then the answer is easy.

But

We can’t legalize marijuana because it’s:

So dangerous!

It could hurt you!

It could ruin your life!!!

Not like alcohol, base jumping, bull riding, heli-skiing, surfing, car racing, sky diving, or playing football (concussions)

Marijuana is safer than Peanuts!

As if arresting you and jailing you for marijuana possession won’t ruin your life.

Maybe American Politicians will not vote to legalize Marijuana

because they don’t receive donations from the Marijuana Lobby!

(YET! Wonder who will be the first?)

Some Sad Facts:

The government is arresting more than 700,000 marijuana users a year — that’s one arrest every 42 seconds — which is more than the number of arrests for robbery and all violent crimes combined. (And about 88% of all marijuana arrests are for possession, not sale or manufacture.)

Twenty-five-year-old Weldon Angelos celebrated Christmas in federal prison this year … just like he’ll do every year until he’s 80. Last month, Angelos was sentenced to 55 years in prison for selling marijuana to undercover police officers. As U.S. District Judge Paul Cassell pointed out at sentencing, that’s more time than he would have received if he had hijacked an airplane (25 years), beaten someone to death in a fight (13 years), or raped a 10-year-old child (11 years).

Over 500 leading economists signed An Open Letter to the President, Congress, Governors, and State Legislatures on the benefits of legalizing marijuana. 

Text of Letter Signed By 500+ Economists:

We, the undersigned, call your attention to the attached report by Professor Jeffrey A. Miron, The Budgetary Implications of Marijuana Prohibition. The report shows that marijuana legalization — replacing prohibition with a system of taxation and regulation — would save $7.7 billion per year in state and federal expenditures on prohibition enforcement and produce tax revenues of at least $2.4 billion annually if marijuana were taxed like most consumer goods. If, however, marijuana were taxed similarly to alcohol or tobacco, it might generate as much as $6.2 billion annually.

The fact that marijuana prohibition has these budgetary impacts does not by itself mean prohibition is bad policy. Existing evidence, however, suggests prohibition has minimal benefits and may itself cause substantial harm.

We therefore urge the country to commence an open and honest debate about marijuana prohibition. We believe such a debate will favor a regime in which marijuana is legal but taxed and regulated like other goods. At a minimum, this debate will force advocates of current policy to show that prohibition has benefits sufficient to justify the cost to taxpayers, foregone tax revenues, and numerous ancillary consequences that result from marijuana prohibition.

If you legalize marijuana, then who will fill all these incredible prisons?

Amazing Growth of Prisons in the USA!

With more than 2.3 million people locked up, the U.S. has the highest incarceration rate in the world. One out of 100 American adults is behind bars — while a stunning one out of 32 is on probation, parole or in prison. This reliance on mass incarceration has created a thriving prison economy. The states and the federal government spend about $74 billion a year on corrections, and nearly 800,000 people work in the industry.

Getting Old Lessons

Five Lessons to Be Learned From Aging

“Aging” – “Take every birthday with a grain of salt. This works much better if the salt accompanies a large margarita.”

1. Things really can Get Better with Age

“By the time you’re eighty years old you’ve learned everything. You only have to remember it.” – Bill Vaughan

2. Never Underestimate the Power of Change

Being a Grandparent is a life changing experience, and you can make your own House Rules!

3. Look Good Feel Good 

4. Attitude Is So Important

5. Fitness

“So many people spend their health gaining wealth, and then have to spend their wealth to regain their health.” ~ A.J.Materi

Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves for they shall never cease to be amused.

Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming… ‘Wow! What a ride!’

Enjoy life!

“Growing old is compulsory – growing up is optional.” – Bob Monkhouse

My Kind of Exercise Program

Have you exercised today?

What a clever exercise program! 

Happy April Fools Day

Annncng: Twttr

For more info click here: 

http://blog.twitter.com/2013/03/annncng-twttr.html

Twyttyr? Why byy vywyls whyn yyy gyt “Y” fyr fryy? Syckyrs!

Good ideas for April Fools pranks and jokes for children at:

http://www.parenting.com/gallery/family-friendly-april-fools-day-pranks

From Cheerios a Good-natured April Fools Trick:

Pour Cheerios and milk into a bowl along with a spoon.

Freeze overnight and serve to unsuspecting

family members in the morning!

Best April Fools Joke ever at:

http://www.e-forwards.com/2011/03/best-april-fools-joke-ever/

and

for the Top Pranks, Tricks and April Fools Jokes of all time visit:

http://www.e-forwards.com/2012/10/top-hoaxes-and-pranks-of-all-time/