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Rude Bus Driver or the Cute Baby Fail
The Adventures of Curtis and Leroy
**
A woman and her baby get on a city bus.
After looking at both of them the bus driver says: “WOW! That must be the ugliest baby I have seen in my life!”
The woman storms back to the rear of the bus so angry she can’t even see straight. Sitting across from her are Curtis and Leroy. The woman turns to Curtis and Leroy and says, “The bus driver was so rude to me!”
Curtis looks at the woman with concern and says, “Well you shouldn’t let him get away with that. You go right up and give that bus driver a piece of your mind. Go ahead, I’ll hold your monkey for you.”
**
**
**
**
and that’s when the fight started…
As cute as it gets!
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Elin Nordegren and Tiger Woods ~ New Homes
Elin Nordegren just tore down her $12 million dollar mansion because ~ “I can afford to!”
Apparently she told Tiger that if
he can wreck things so can she!
AFTER: A photo taken Thursday, Jan. 5, 2012, shows the former site of Elin Nordegren’s $12 million mansion in North Palm Beach. The home was demolished after the ex-wife of Tiger Woods reportedly decided to build her own dream home.
*
*
*
Can I get my golf club back???
***
and that’s when the fight started …Again!
Elin’s new house is (was ) only 10 miles from Tiger Woods $50 million new home on Jupiter Island.
According to the reports, Nordegren paid on the order of $12.2 million for the sprawling 17,000 square foot home. It was located right on the beach and had six bedrooms, eight bathrooms and is rumored to have had a basketball court.
She tore this down!
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Apple iTV ~ No Remote?????
Apple, the world’s most valuable company by market capitalisation,
is reportedly developing a voice as well as gesture enabled TV set.
I just have one question for Apple about their new iTV.
Will it be programmed for HIS voice or HER voice???
Does Apple not realize the ramifications of this new innovation???
Can you imagine the gestures???
and that’s when the fight started…
***
Release date not confirmed but it is speculated that the iTV might be prepared for commercial production by February next year. More realistically, it may be released sometime between late 2012 and beginning of 2013.
Why Men Must Hold the Remote Control
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Men like to dominate; they want to be in the driver’s seat all the time.
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Men like to feel secure – a handle to hold on too.
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Men like gadgets and pushing buttons.
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Men have short attention span – so need to change channels frequently.
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Men like to go as fast as and cover as much as they can in a short period of time.
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Men can’t stay still or concentrate for long so they need something for distraction.
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Men don’t wanna share.
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Men get so exhausted from holding the remote control they fall asleep in front of the tv.
Jokes About Remote Controls
Wife wakes up to find her husband sliding his hand slowly across her back and shoulder… Just brushing her legs, he runs his hand everywhere… He then moves back towards the top and stops……
Wife gasps: “Why did you stop?”
Husband: “Found the remote… go back to sleep!”
“Cash, check or charge?” I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase. As she fumbled for her wallet I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse.
“So, do you always carry your TV remote?” I asked.
“No,” she replied, “but my husband refused to come shopping with me, so I figured this was the most legal evil thing I could do to him.”
*
Definition of Remote Control:
REMOTE CONTROL (ri-moht kon-trohl) n.
a. female…A device for changing from one TV channel to another.
b. male…A device for scanning through all 175 channels every 2 1/2 minutes.
*
Why don’t men do laundry?
Cause the washer and dryer don’t run on remote control!
*
How do you get a man to do sit-ups?
Put the remote control between his toes.
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Distinction Between Guts and Balls
To those of you who are nit-pickers about the meaning of words: there
is a medical distinction between Guts and Balls. We’ve all heard about
people having Guts or having Balls, but do you really know the
difference between them?
In an effort to keep you informed, here are the definitions:
GUTS – is arriving home late, after a night out with the guys, being
met by your wife with a broom, and having the Guts to ask, ‘Are you
still cleaning, or are you flying somewhere?’
BALLS – is coming home late after a night out with the guys, smelling
of perfume and beer, with lipstick on your collar, and slapping your
wife on the butt and having the Balls to say, ‘You’re next, Chubby.’
I hope this clears up any confusion on the definitions. Medically
speaking, there is no difference in the outcome.
and that’s when the fight started…
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Kim Kardashian and the Marriage Counselor
Kim: I know it’s only for a few weeks,
but think about how much money we’ll make!!!!
*
Kim Kardashian, was always fighting with her husband. She had worked so hard to make her marriage to Kris Humphries work. But after ten weeks, she had run out of ideas! So, she decided to visit a Marriage Counselor.
Marriage Counselor: “What seems to be the Problem?”
Kim: “I don’t know what to do. When my husband comes home from having drinks with the guys, he picks a fight with me.”
Marriage Counselor: “I have a real good solution for that. Whenever your husband comes home inebriated, just take a glass of chamomile tea and start gargling with it. Just gargle and gargle.”
Two weeks later she returns to the Marriage Counselor, and is fresh and relaxed.
Kim: “That was a brilliant idea! Every time Kris came in from an evening with his buddies, I gargled with chamomile tea and nothing happened.”
Marriage Counselor: “You see how keeping your mouth shut helps!”
*
Kim Kardasian was sipping on a glass of wine, while sitting
on the patio with Kris Humphries.
She said, ” I love you so much, I don’t know how I could ever live without you”.
Kris asks, ” Is that you or the wine talking?”
Kim replies, “It’s me…talking to the wine.”
AND THAT’S WHEN THE FIGHT STARTED…
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Kim Kardashian to Kris Humphries ~You’re not good in bed either!
Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries were having a terrible fight at the breakfast table. Kim told Kris that she thought ten weeks was a long time to be married to one person. Kris got up in a rage and walked out yelled, “And you are not any good in bed either”, as he stormed out of the house. After sometime, he realized he was nasty and decided to make amends. He called Kim and after at least a dozen rings she answered the phone.
Again irritated Kris said, “What took you so long to answer the phone?”
Kim said, “I was in bed.”
“In bed, it’s late in the day, what were you doing?”
“I was getting a second opinion,” she replied.
and that’s when the fight started… and
that fight lead to Kim Kardashian And Kris Humphries’ Divorce ~ True story, I think!
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Halloween Fail
She said she wanted to dress up like an Angry Bird.
I told her she didn’t need to dress up for Halloween!
and that’s when the fight started…
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Spelling Can Be Very Important
One spelling mistake can destroy your life!
A husband wrote a message to his wife while he was on a business trip and forgot to add ‘e’ in the end of a word…
“I’m having such a wonderful time! Wish u were her….!
and that’s when the fight started….
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