Canada

Winter in Canada

WINTER  POEM

It’s winter in Canada

And the gentle breezes blow

Seventy miles an hour

At  thirty-five  below.

Oh, how I love Canada

When the snow’s up to your butt

You take a  breath of winter

And your nose gets frozen  shut.

Yes, the weather here is wonderful

So I guess I’ll hang around

I could  never leave Canada

Cuz I’m frozen to the ground!

Have a great day…

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98% OF CANADIANS SAY “OH  SHIT” BEFORE GOING IN THE DITCH ON A  SLIPPERY   ROAD.
THE OTHER 2% ARE FROM NEWFOUNDLAND AND THEY SAY, “HOLD MY BEER AND  WATCH THIS.”

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Please check out the following Winter In Canada Humor.

http://www.e-forwards.com/2011/01/winter-wonderland-fail-moving-to-florida/

Winter Wonderland Fail – Moving to Florida

AUG. 1 Moved to our new home in Ontario. It is so beautiful here. The city is so picturesque. Can hardly wait to see it covered with snow. I LOVE IT HERE

OCT. 14 Ontario is the most beautiful place on earth. The leaves are turning all different colors. I love the shades of red and orange. Went for a ride through the hills and saw some deer. They are so graceful. Certainly they are the most peaceful animals on earth. This must be paradise. I LOVE IT HERE.

NOV. 11 Deer season will open soon. I can’t imagine anyone wanting to kill such an elegant creature. The very symbol of peace and tranquillity. Hope it will snow soon. I LOVE IT HERE.

DEC. 2 It snowed last night. Woke up to find everything blanketed in white. It looked like a postcard. Went outside and cleaned snow off the steps and shoveled the driveway. We had a snowball fight today (I won). When the snowplow came by we had to shovel the driveway again. What a beautiful place. Mother Nature in perfect harmony. Took some great pictures of winter scenes. I LOVE IT HERE.

DEC. 12 More snow last night. I love it. The snowplow did his trick again (that rascal). A winter wonderland. I LOVE IT HERE.

DEC. 19 Snowed again last night. Couldn’t get out of the driveway to get to work this time. I’m exhausted from shoveling. Damn Snowplow!

DEC. 22 More of that white sh*t fell last night. I’ve got blisters on my hands from shoveling. I think the snowplow hides around the corner and waits until I’m done shoveling. That *!&%!!!

DEC. 25 “White Christmas” my busted ss. More snow. If I ever get my hands on that son-of-a-(%)! who drives that snowplow, I swear I will strike the dumb bastard. Don’t know why they don’t use more salt on this freaking ice.

I hate this place!

DEC. 28 More of the same sht last night. Been inside since Christmas day except for when “Snowplow Harry” comes by. Can’t go anywhere. The car is buried in a mountain of white sht. The weatherman says expect another 10 inches of this sh*t tonight. Do you know how many shovels full of snow 10 inches is?

JAN. 1 Happy freaking New Year!. The weatherman was wrong (AGAIN). We got (75 cm) 34 inches of snow this time. At this rate it won’t melt until the 4th of July. The snowplow got stuck down the road and sht for brains had the balls to come to the door and ask to borrow my shovel. I told him I broke 6 shovels already, shoveling out the sht he plowed into my driveway. I broke the 7th shovel over his head.

JAN. 4 Finally got out of the house today. Went to the store to get food and on the way back a deer ran out in front of the car and I hit the damn *#! deer. Did about $3,000.00 damage to the car. Wish the hunters would have killed them all last November.

MAY 3 Took the car to the garage in town today. Would you believe the body is rotting away from all the salt they keep dumping all over the roads. It really looks like a piece of sh*t.

MAY 10 Moving to Florida today. I can’t imagine why anyone in their right mind would want to live in this God forsaken place. The early settlers must have been crazy!

Going South

HAPPY BOXING DAY SANTA

Wikipedia:

Boxing Day is a bank or public holiday that occurs on December 26, or the first or second weekday after Christmas Day, depending on national or regional laws. It is observed in the United Kingdom, Australia, Canada, New Zealand, and some other Commonwealth nations.

Boxing Day is: A day to buy what you really wanted on

Christmas day at huge discounted prices!

Boxing Day bargain shopping is now as important a part of the Christmas tradition celebrated by more than a billion people around the world as the main festivities themselves. 

Boxing Day is traditionally one of the

largest retail days of the year!

Boxing Day: That time of year when everyone gets Santamental.

This guy goes into a restaurant for a Boxing Day breakfast while in his home town for the holidays. After looking over the menu he says, ”I’ll just have the eggs Benedict.” His order comes a while later and it’s served on a big, shiny hubcap. He asks the waiter, ”What’s with the hubcap?” The waiter sings, ”O, there’s no plate like chrome for the hollandaise!”

The Day After Christmas Poem

‘Twas the day after Christmas, and all through the house,

Every creature was hurtin’ even the mouse.

The toys were all broken, their batteries dead;

Santa passed out, with some ice on his head.

Wrapping and ribbons just covered the floor, while

Upstairs the family continued to snore.

And I in my T-shirt, new Reeboks and jeans,

I went into the kitchen and started to clean.

When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,

I sprang from the sink to see what was the matter.

Away to the window I flew like a flash,

tore open the curtains, and threw up the sash.

When what to my wondering eyes should appear,

But a little white truck, with an oversized mirror.

The driver was smiling, so lively and grand;

The patch on his jacket said “U.S. POSTMAN.”

With a handful of bills, he grinned like a fox

Then quickly he stuffed them into our mailbox.

Bill after bill, after bill, they still came.

Whistling and shouting he called them by name:

“Now Dillard’s, now Targets’, now Penny’s and Sears

Here’s Visa, and Master Card, and one for the Beer.

To the tip or your limit, every store, every mall,

Now chargeaway-chargeaway-chargeaway all!”

He whooped and he whistled as he finished his work.

He filled up the box, and then turned with a jerk.

He sprang to his truck and he drove down the road,

Driving much faster with just half a load.

Then I heard him exclaim with great holiday cheer,

“ENJOY WHAT YOU GOT……..YOU’LL BE PAYING ALL YEAR!”

Edmonton, Alberta ~ A Beautiful City to Live, Work and Play

Planning to live in Edmonton?

Edmonton offers people an abundance of services, community activities, and attractive living accommodations. If you are moving to Edmonton or looking for new accommodations, there are many online sites which will help you find houses for rent in Edmonton. The best way to find the perfect home to rent is on the internet. It’s easy to search for the right location, size and price range without having to leave the comfort of your home.  The sites provide easy access to numerous homes, condos and apartments to rent throughout the greater Edmonton area.  They also provide detailed descriptions of the properties along with pictures to help you make the right choice for you and your family.

With a metropolitan population of just over one million people, Edmonton is the fifth largest city in Canada. It offers all the conveniences and choices of a big city in an incredible park like setting with open spaces and fresh air. Edmonton is an economic, cultural, governmental and educational centre of Alberta. It is a major centre for the oil and gas industry. The City of Edmonton is known for many things. It’s been called the City of Champions, Festival City and the Cultural Capital of Canada.  If you like food, music or art, Edmonton is the city for you with more than 40 festivals during the year. It is also home to North America’s largest mall, the West Edmonton Mall.

Edmonton has more than 160 kilometres of maintained multi-use trails and its river valley constitutes the longest stretch of connected urban parkland in North America.  Edmonton’s beautiful river valley is a great place to enjoy a bike ride, inline skate or take a leisurely stroll.

Edmontonians love their city because it is a beautiful, friendly city with a booming economy and excellent sports and recreation facilities.

Edmonton definitely is a great place to work, play and live. 

Happy Thanksgiving Canada – Poems

May your Thanksgiving be blessed with
The bounty of the Season
Love of Friends and Family
And a Harvest of Smiles…

Kate and William ~ “Canadian Tour has been the making of us.”

“In 1939, my great grandmother, Queen Elizabeth the Queen Mother, said of her first tour of Canada with her husband, King George VI, ‘Canada made us’. Catherine and I now know very well what she meant.

“Canada has far surpassed all that we were promised. Our promise to Canada is that we shall return.”

The Canadian Royal Tour ~ What a Great Success!

The Royal Couple, Kate and William, have enjoyed a tremendous tour of Canada. Mostly due to their hands-on approach and genuine interest, the tour has helped rekindle Canada’s love and respect for the Royal Family. For the first time in a long time, we are seeing the real face of the monarchy. Very Inspirational! Very classy!

Oil Crisis

A  lot of folks can’t understand how we

came to have an oil shortage

here in Canada

Well,  there’s a very simple answer,
Nobody bothered  to check the oil.

We just didn’t know we were getting low.

The reason for this is purely geographical.

Our Oil is located in:

ALBERTA

SASKATCHEWAN

BRITISH COLUMBIA
MANITOBA
COASTAL  NEW  BRUNSWICK
COASTAL  NEWFOUNDLAND

Our DIPSTICKS are located in OTTAWA

Any  Questions ???
NO  ?….  Didn’t  think so.

Stephen Harper Five Questions

Apparently, Stephen Harper blasted his

Campaign Manager for scheduling a news conference

at a time when the sun was in his eyes.

Why does Prime Minister Stephen Harper limit the daily questions to just 5?

When asked why, he replied, ‘That’s one question, only four left.’

Harper is running a campaign in a

bubble to prevent embarrassing mistakes.

Does that mean his mangers have

NO CONFIDENCE in him, too?

The schedule is designed to minimize political risk.

People who attend rallies must be on a list to gain entry to the event.

Sounds like a great, inspirational leader!

Interesting Quiz for 2011

A few trivia questions about some dumb people and their silly comments and actions.

1. Who is a High Priest Vatican Assassin (Wizard with Tiger Blood)?

2. Who said life on Mars was destroyed by capitalism? - ”But perhaps capitalism arrived there, imperialism arrived, and finished that planet.”

3. Who said, Why do we still have apes if we came from them?

4. Who said, The committee that found the government in contempt used the tyranny of the majority to get the “pre-determined outcome…?

5. Who said, That’s the biggest pile of dog mess I have heard in ages?

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ANSWERS:

1. Charlie Sheen ( no need to say more )

2. Hugo Chaves, Venezuelan President – March  22 ~ ”I have always said, have heard, that it would not be strange that there had been civilization on Mars,” the firebrand socialist said on Venezuela’s state television. After pausing a moment, he added, “But perhaps capitalism arrived there, imperialism arrived, and finished that planet.” 

3. Sen. Steve Wise, R-Jacksonville, who chairs the Senate Education Pre-K-12 Committee

Stephen Wise has resurrected legislation he authored in 2009 that calls for a

“thorough presentation and critical analysis of the scientific theory of evolution.”

4. Canadian Parliament House leader John Baird – “the committee that found the government in contempt “used the tyranny of the majority” to get the “pre-determined outcome…

5. Whoopi Goldberg ~ Responding to Donald Trump when he said, that there was something on Obama’s “birth Certificate that he ( Obama ) doesn’t like. I want to see it.”?

If you have any suggestions for more interesting “Test Items”, please let me know.