*
A guy is driving around the back woods of Montana and he sees a sign
in front of a broken down shanty-style house: ‘Talking Dog For Sale ‘
He rings the bell and the owner appears and tells him the dog is in
the backyard.
The guy goes into the backyard and sees a nice looking Labrador
retriever sitting there.
‘You talk?’ he asks.
‘Yep,’ the Lab replies.
After the guy recovers from shock, he says ‘So, what’s your story?’
The Lab looks up and says, ‘Well, I discovered that I could talk when
I was pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so I told the
CIA. They had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms
with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be
eavesdropping.’
‘I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years running. But
the jetting around really tired me out, so I decided to settle down. I
signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security,
wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered
some incredible dealings and was awarded a batch of medals.’ ‘I got
married, had a mess of puppies, and now I’m just retired.’
The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog.
‘Ten dollars,’ the guy says.
‘Ten dollars? This dog is amazing! Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?’
‘Because he’s a liar. He never did any of that shit.
Trip to Costco
Yesterday I was at my local COSTCO buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for
my loyal pet, Biscuit, the Wonder Dog and was in the checkout line when a
woman behind me asked if I had a dog.
What did she think I had; an elephant? So since I’m retired and have little to
do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn’t have a dog, I was starting the
Purina Diet again.
I added that I probably shouldn’t, because I ended up in the hospital last
time, but that I’d lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward
with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.
I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it
works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or
two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works
well and I was going to try it again (I have to mention here that practically
everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.). Horrified, she asked if I
ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I
stepped off a curb to sniff an Irish Setters ass and a car hit us both.
I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing
so hard.
Costco won’t let me shop there anymore.
Better watch what you ask retired people.. They have all the time in the world
to think of crazy things to say.
funny email forward, dog peeing, great video, cute
Jun
1
John on June 1st, 2010
funny email forward, funny dog video
Continue reading about Breakfast at Ginger’s – Golden Retriever dog eats with hands – Great Video
This is our puppy. Every time an ambulance goes by our house, she “helps” with her own
cute siren!
funny emails, puppies, cute
Mother Doesn’t Want a Dog by Judith Viorst
Mother doesn't want a dog.
Mother says they smell,
And never sit when you say sit,
Or even when you yell.
And when you come home late at night
And there is ice and snow,
You have to go back out because
The dumb dog has to go.
Mother doesn't want a dog.
Mother says they shed,
And always let the strangers in
And bark at friends instead,
And do disgraceful things on rugs,
And track mud on the floor,
And flop upon your bed at night
And snore their doggy snore.
Mother doesn't want a dog.
She's making a mistake.
Because, more than a dog, I think
She will not want this snake.
Continue reading about Mother doesn’t want a Dog for Mother’s Day -very funny poem
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This is way too cute – tell it to sneeze and see what he does. I have no idea how they do this: TYPE IN a command and see what happens…like sit, roll over, down, stand, sing, dance, shake, fetch, play dead, etc. and… it’s also very cute if you type in a command that’s not recognized…!! Make sure you type in ‘Kiss’ too, but do it last. |
