After being interviewed by the school administration, the prospective teacher said:
‘Let me see if I’ve got this right.
‘You want me to go into that room with all those kids, correct their disruptive behavior, observe them for signs of abuse, monitor their dress habits, censor their T-shirt messages, and instill in them a love for learning.
‘You want me to check their backpacks for weapons, wage war on drugs and sexually transmitted diseases, and raise their sense of self esteem and personal pride.
‘You want me to teach them patriotism and good citizenship, sportsmanship and fair play, and how to register to vote, balance a checkbook, and apply for a job.
‘You want me to check their heads for lice, recognize signs of antisocial behavior, and make sure that they all pass the final exams
‘You also want me to provide them with an equal education regardless of their handicaps, and communicate regularly with their parents in English, Spanish or any other language, by letter, telephone, newsletter, and report card.
‘You want me to do all this with a piece of chalk, a blackboard, a bulletin board, a few books, a big smile, and a starting salary that qualifies me for food stamps.
‘You want me to do all this and then you tell me. . .
I CAN’T PRAY?
Also:
without support from many parents ( When I was a student, If I got in trouble at school I got in more trouble at home)
with dwindling budgets and support
with the threat of losing my job if students perform poorly on state, federal or provincial tests (which are a waste of money and time)
with a great deal of stress
with a huge workload
with low status
after 5 years of College or University Education
No wonder there are so many emails making the rounds about, WHY TEACHERS DRINK!
Continue reading about NOMINATED FOR ” BEST EMAIL OF THE YEAR 2010”
Subject: Manure
Wonder why my teachers never taught this?
Manure: In the 16th and 17th centuries, everything had to be
transported by ship and it was also before commercial fertilizer ’s
invention, so large shipments of manure were common.
It was shipped dry, because in dry form it weighed a lot less than
when wet, but once water (at sea) hit it, it not only became heavier,
but the process of fermentation began again, of which a by product is
methane gas.
As the stuff was stored below decks in bundles you can see what could
(and did) happen.
Methane began to build up below decks and the first time someone came
below at night with a lantern, BOOOOM!
Several ships were destroyed in this manner before it was determined
just what was happening.
After that, the bundles of manure were always stamped with the term
‘ Ship High In Transit ‘ on them, which meant for the sailors to stow
it high enough off the lower decks so that any water that came into
the hold would not touch this volatile cargo and start the production
of methane.
Thus evolved the term ‘ S.H.I.T ‘, (Ship High In Transit) which has
come down through the centuries and is in use to this very day.
You probably did not know the true history of this word.
Neither did I.
I had always thought it was a golf term!
Another reason “Why Teachers Drink!” Can’t believe the parents have sued the school!
Continue reading about Hilarious Australian School Answering Machine Message
Maxine and I operate a small but growing business and we needed to hire a new employee. I threw this application in the garbage. Maxine (without me knowing) replied to Bryan!
****************
To hoom it mae cunsern,
I waunt to apply for the job what I saw in the paper.
I can Type realee quik wit one finggar and do sum a counting..
I think I am good on the phone and I no I am a pepole person,
Pepole really seam to respond
to me well. Certain men and all the ladies.
I no my spelling is not to good but fi nd that I Offen can get a job thru my persinalety.
My salerery is open so we can discus wat you want to pay me and wat you think that I am werth,
I can start emeditely. Thank you in advanse fore yore anser.
hopifuly Yore best aplicant so farr.
Sinseerly,
BRYAN
PS : Because my resimay is a bit short – below is a pickture of me.
Maxine’s response:
Dear Bryan ,
It’s OK honey, we’ve got spell check.
See you Monday.
Maxine
AND THAT’S WHEN THE FIGHT STARTED…
What does she see in Bryan? I bet he doesn’t even drink beer!
Continue reading about Maxine and the Job Interview -Speling doesnt mattor
Take your bananas apart when you get home from the store.
If you leave them connected at the stem, they ripen faster.
Store your opened chunks of cheese in aluminium foil.
It will stay fresh much longer and not mold!
Peppers with 3 bumps on the bottom are sweeter and better for eating.
Peppers with 4 bumps on the bottom are firmer and better for cooking.
Add a teaspoon of water when frying ground beef.
It will help pull the grease away from the meat while cooking.
To really make scrambled eggs or omelettes rich add a couple of
spoonfuls of sour cream, cream cheese, or heavy cream in and then beat them up.
For a cool brownie treat, make brownies as directed. Melt Andes mints in double broiler and pour over warm brownies. Let set for a wonderful minty frosting.
Add garlic immediately to a recipe if you want a light taste
of garlic and at the end of the recipe if your want a stronger taste of garlic.
Leftover snickers bars from Halloween make a delicious dessert. Simply chop them up with the food chopper. Peel, core and slice a few apples. Place them in a baking dish and sprinkle the chopped candy bars over the apples. Bake at 350 for 15 minutes!!! Serve alone or with vanilla ice cream. Yummm!
Reheat Pizza
Heat up leftover pizza in a non-stick skillet on top of the stove, set heat to med-low and heat till warm.
This keeps the crust crispy. No soggy micro pizza. I saw this on the cooking channel and it really works.
Easy Devilled Eggs
Put cooked egg yolks in a zip lock bag. Seal, mash till they are all broken up.
Add remainder of ingredients, reseal, keep mashing it up mixing thoroughly, cut the tip of the baggy, squeeze mixture into egg.
Just throw bag away when done easy clean up.
Expanding Frosting
When you buy a container of cake frosting from the store, whip it with your mixer for a few minutes. You can double it in size.
You get to frost more cake/cupcakes with the same amount. You also eat less sugar and calories per serving.
Reheating refrigerated bread
To warm biscuits, pancakes, or muffins that were refrigerated, place them in
a microwave with a cup of water. The increased moisture will keep the food
moist and help it reheat faster.
Newspaper weeds away
Start putting in your plants, work the nutrients in your soil. Wet newspapers,
put layers around the plants overlapping as you go cover with mulch and for-
get about weeds. Weeds will get through some gardening plastic they will not
get through wet newspapers.
Broken Glass
Use a wet cotton ball or Q-tip to pick up the small shards of glass you can’t see easily.
No More Mosquitoes
Place a dryer sheet in your pocket. It will keep the mosquitoes away.
Squirrel Away!
To keep squirrels from eating your plants, sprinkle your plants with cayenne pepper. The cayenne pepper doesn’t hurt the plant and the squirrels won’t come near it.
Flexible vacuum
To get something out of a heat register or under the fridge add an empty paper towel roll or empty gift wrap roll to your vacuum. It can be bent or flattened to get in narrow openings.
Reducing Static Cling
Pin a small safety pin to the seam of your slip and you will not have a clingy skirt or dress. Same thing works with slacks that cling when wearing panty hose. Place pin in seam of slacks and … ta da! … static is gone.
Measuring Cups
Before you pour sticky substances into a measuring cup, fill with hot water.
Dump out the hot water, but don’t dry cup. Next, add your ingredient, such
as peanut butter, and watch how easily it comes right out.
Foggy Windshield?
Hate foggy windshields? Buy a chalkboard eraser and keep it in the glove box of your car When the windows fog, rub with the eraser! Works better than a cloth!
Re open ing envelopes
If you seal an envelope and then realize you forgot to include something inside, just place your sealed envelope in the freezer for an hour or two. Viola! It unseals easily.
Conditioner
Use your hair conditioner to shave your legs. It’s cheaper than shaving cream and leaves your legs really smooth. It’s also a great way to use up the conditioner you bought but didn’t like when you tried it in your hair.
Goodbye Fruit Flies
To get rid of pesky fruit flies, take a small glass, fill it 1/2′ with Apple Cider Vinegar and 2 drops of dish washing liquid; mix well. You will find those flies drawn to the cup and gone forever!
Get Rid of Ants
Put small piles of cornmeal where you see ants. They eat it, take it ‘home,’ can’t digest it so it kills them. It may take a week or so, especially if it rains, but it works and you don’t have the worry about pets or small children being harmed!
INFO ABOUT CLOTHES DRYERS
The heating unit went out on my dryer! The gentleman that fixes things around the house for us told us that he wanted to show us something and he went over to the dryer and pulled out the lint filter. It was clean. (I always clean the lint from the filter after every load clothes.) He told us that he wanted to show us something; he took the filter over to the sink and ran hot water over it. The lint filter is made of a mesh material .. I’m sure you know what your dryer’s lint filter looks like. Well . the hot water just sat on top of the mesh! It didn’t go through it at all! He told us that dryer sheets cause a film over that mesh that’s what burns out the heating unit. You can’t SEE the film, but it’s there. It’s what is in the drye r sheets to make your clothes soft and static free … that nice fragrance too. You know how they can feel waxy when you take them out of the box … well this stuff builds up on your clothes and on your lint screen. This is also what causes dryer units to potentially burn your house down with it! He said the best way to keep your dryer working for a very long-time (and to keep your electric bill lower) is to take that filter out and wash it with hot soapy water and an old toothbrush (or other brush) at least every six months. He said that makes the life of the dryer at least twice as long! How about that!?! Learn something new everyday! I certainly didn’t know dryer sheets would do that. So, I thought I’d share!
Note: I went to my dryer and tested my screen by running water on it. The water ran through a little bit but mostly collected all the water in the mesh screen. I washed it with warm soapy water and a nylon brush and I had it done in 30 seconds. Then when I rinsed it . the water ran right thru the screen! There wasn’t any puddling at all! That repairman knew what he was talking about!
PLEASE PASS THIS ON TO OTHER PEOPLE IN YOUR ADDRESS BOOK.
NOT ONLY COULD IT SAVE SOMEONE’S HOME, BUT IT COULD SAVE a life!
email forward, interesting email, interesting information useful information, around the house, wisdom
Continue reading about Clever ideas worth knowing – Interesting Facts
His name was Fleming, and he was a poor Scottish farmer. One day, while trying to make a living for his family, he heard a cry for help coming from a nearby bog. He dropped his tools
and ran to the bog..
There, mired to his waist in black muck, was a terrified boy, screaming and struggling to free himself. Farmer Fleming saved the lad from what could have been a slow and terrifying death.
The next day, a fancy carriage pulled up to the Scotsman’s sparse surroundings. An elegantly dressed nobleman stepped out and introduced himself as the father of the boy Farmer Fleming had saved.
‘I want to repay you,’ said the nobleman. ‘You saved my son’s life.’
‘No, I can’t accept payment for what I did,’ the Scottish farmer replied waving off the offer. At that moment, the farmer’s own son came to the door of the family hovel.
‘Is that your son?’ the nobleman asked.
‘Yes,’ the farmer replied proudly.
‘I’ll make you a deal. Let me provide him with the level of education my own son will enjoy If the lad is anything like his father, he’ll no doubt grow to be a man we both will be proud of.’ And that he did.
Farmer Fleming’s son attended the very best schools and in time, graduated from St. Mary’s Hospital Medical School in London, and went on to become known throughout the world as the noted Sir Alexander Fleming, the discoverer of Penicillin.
Years afterward, the same nobleman’s son who was saved from the bog was stricken with pneumonia.
What saved his life this time? Penicillin.
The name of the nobleman? Lord Randolph Churchill .. His son’s name?
Sir Winston Churchill.
Someone once said: What goes around comes around.
Work like you don’t need the money.
Love like you’ve never been hurt.
Dance like nobody’s watching.
Sing like nobody’s listening..
Live like it’s Heaven on Earth.
Send this to everyone you consider A FRIEND.
Pass this on, and brighten some one’s day.
interesting email forward, true story, inspirational
Continue reading about Irish Luck – Great True Story- What Goes Around Comes Around
Continue reading about Why teachers drink -having to read answers like these is one reason!
“If you find a path with no obstacles, it probably doesn’t lead anywhere” – anonymous
Why teachers drink
These are actual answers to test questions in the classroom!
That means this material has been studied for a period of time before the test questions were asked (just so you non-teachers know)!
why teachers drink, very funny email forward, funn
y test answers
Teacher: Who had a worldwide hit with “It’s A Wonderful World”?
Student: I don’t know.
Teacher: I’ll give you a couple of clues. What do you call the part between your hand and your elbow?
Student: Arm.
Teacher: Correct. And if you’re not weak, you’re …?
Student: Strong.
Teacher: Correct: And what was Lord Mountbatten’s first name?
Student: Louis.
Teacher: Well, there we are then. So who had a worldwide hit with the song “It’s A Wonderful World”?
Student: Frank Sinatra?
We taught these Contestants.
From Late Show (BBC Midlands):
Alex Trelinski: What is the capital of Italy?
Contestant: France.
Trelinski: France is another country. Try again.
Contestant: Oh, um, Benidorm.
Trelinski: Wrong, sorry, let’s try another question. In which country is the Parthenon?
Same contestant: Sorry, I don’t know.
Trelinski: Just guess a country then.
Contestant: Paris.
A few more dumb people:
1. Ancient Egypt was inhabited by mummies and they all wrote in hydraulics.They lived in the Sarah Dessert and traveled by Camelot. The climate of the Sarah is such that the inhabitants have to live elsewhere.
2. The Bible is full of interesting caricatures. In the first book of the Bible,Guinessis, Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree. One of their children,Cain, asked, “Am I my brother’s son?”
3. Moses led the Hebrew slaves to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread which is bread made without any ingredients. Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the ten commandments. He died before he ever reached Canada.
4. Solomom had three hundred wives and seven hundred porcupines.
