Inside me lives a skinny woman crying to get out. But I can usually shut her up with cookies.
~ Unknown~
Sounds like something Maxine would say!
funny emails
A family of three tomatoes were walking downtown one day when the little baby tomato started lagging behind. The big father tomato walks back to the baby tomato, stomps on her, squashing her into a red paste, and says, “Ketchup!”
The Tomato Garden
An old Italian man lived alone in the country. He wanted to dig his Tomato garden but it was very hard work as the ground was hard. His only son, Vincenzo, who used to help him, was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament.
Dear Vincenzo – I am feeling pretty bad because it looks like I won’t be able to plant my tomato garden this year. I am getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. If you were here, my troubles would be over. I know you would dig the garden for me. Love, Papa.
A few days later he received a letter from his son…
Dear Papa – I’d do anything for you Papa, except dig up that garden. That’s where I buried the bodies. Love, Vinnie.
At 4 am the next morning, FBI and local police arrived and dug up the entire area without finding any bodies. They apologized to the old man and left. The same day the old man received another letter from his son.
Dear Papa – Go ahead and plant the tomatoes now. That’s the best I could do under the circumstances. Love, Vinnie.
***
Q: What did the sergeant tomato say to the slacker soldier tomato?
A: “You better catch up!”
Q: Why did the tomato go out with a prune?
A: Because he couldn’t find a date!
Q: How do you fix a broken tomato?
A: Tomato paste!
Q: Why did Mrs. Tomatoe turn red?
A: She saw Mr. Green Pea !
Q.Why Did The Tomato Blush?
A. Because he saw the salad dressing
Q. Why is a tomato round and red?
A. Because if it was long and green it would be a cucumber!
Little Johnny was looking at the red ripe tomatoes growing in the farmer’s garden. “I’ll give you my two pennies for that tomato,” said Little Johnny, pointing to a beautiful, large, ripe fruit hanging on the vine.
“No,” said the farmer, “I get a dime for a tomato like that one.”
Little Johnny boy pointed to a smaller green one, “Will you take two pennies for that one?”
“Yes,” replied the farmer, “I’ll give you that one for two cents.”
“OK,” said Little Johnny, sealing the deal by putting the coins in the farmer’s hand, “I’ll pick it up in about a week.”
*
Tomato Millionaire
An unemployed man goes to apply for a job with Microsoft as a janitor. The manager there arranges for him to take an aptitude test (Section: Floors, sweeping and cleaning).
After the test, the manager says, “You will be employed at minimum wage, $5.15 an hour. Let me have your e-mail address, so that I can send you a form to complete and tell you where to report for work on your first day.
Taken aback, the man protests that he has neither a computer nor an e-mail address. To this the MS manager replies, “Well, then, that means that you virtually don’t exist and can therefore hardly expect to be employed.
Stunned, the man leaves. Not knowing where to turn and having only $10 in his wallet, he decides to buy a 25 lb flat of tomatoes at the supermarket. Within less than 2 hours, he sells all the tomatoes individually at 100% profit. Repeating the process several times more that day, he ends up with almost $100 before going to sleep that night.
And thus it dawns on him that he could quite easily make a living selling tomatoes. Getting up early every day and going to bed late, he multiplies his profits quickly.
After a short time he acquires a cart to transport several dozen boxes of tomatoes, only to have to trade it in again so that he can buy a pickuptruck to support his expanding business. By the end of the second year, he is the owner of a fleet of pickup trucks and manages a staff of a hundred former unemployed people, all selling tomatoes.
Planning for the future of his wife and children, he decides to buy some life insurance. Consulting with an insurance adviser, he picks an insurance plan to fit his new circumstances. At the end of the telephone conversation, the adviser asks him for his e-mail address in order to send the final documents electronically.
When the man replies that he has no e-mail, the adviser is stunned, “What, you don’t have e-mail? How on earth have you managed to amass such wealth without the Internet, e-mail and e-commerce? Just imagine where you would be now, if you had been connected to the internet from the very start!”
After a moment of thought, the tomato millionaire replied, “Why, of course! I would be a floor cleaner at Microsoft!”
Moral of this story:
1. The Internet, e-mail and e-commerce do not need to rule your life.
2. If you don’t have e-mail, but work hard, you can still become a millionaire.
3. Since you got this story via e-mail, you’re probably closer to becoming a janitor than you are to becoming a millionaire.
4. If you do have a computer and e-mail, you have already been taken to the cleaners by Microsoft.
funny emails
The largest food fight in the world!
Every year, on the last Wednesday of August, in the tiny town of Buñol, Spain, thousands of tourists and locals participate in an incredible food fight using close to 150,000 kilograms of tomatoes. The tradition has been going on for over 60 years, but no one seems to know how or why it got its start.
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With time, women gain weight because we accumulate so much information and
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funny emails
The brain uses carbohydrates for energy and omega-3 fatty acids for the formation of its cell structure. B vitamins play an essential role in brain function. Clinical observation strongly links folic acid to brain development. In combination with folic acid, vitamins B6 and vitamin B12 help manufacture and release chemicals in the brain known as neurotransmitters. The nervous system relies on these neurotransmitters to communicate messages within the brain, such as those that regulate mood, hunger, and sleep.
In addition, foods rich in antioxidant nutrients, such as vitamin A, C and vitamin E and beta-carotene, help protect brain cells from free-radical damage caused by environmental pollution. They are known as free radical scavengers and defense from free radicals is important to protecting the brain well into the golden years. Studies suggest that taking supplements of vitamins C and E can prevent the risk of Alzheimer’s disease and slow the progression of memory loss.
How brain foods help you think sound?
The brain utilizes 20 percent of the body’s carbohydrate supply. When the brain receives a steady supply of sugar for fuel, it chugs along smoothly at a steady pace. But when levels of sugar in the blood fluctuate, the brain doesn’t get its steady fuel supply. As a result, you may experience mental confusion, dizziness and if severe, convulsions and loss of consciousness. Foods with a low glycemic index provide brain friendly carbohydrates because they do not push the pancreas to secrete excess insulin, so the blood sugar tends to be steadier. Vegetables, legumes, whole grains, fruits and dairy products are foods with best brain sugars.
Sugars with high glycemic index can adversely affect the thinking and actions of some children. The sugars at fault include glucose, dextrose, and sucrose, and the highly refined, highly processed junk sugars found in candy, icings, syrups, packaged baked goods, and table sugar. The roller-coaster affects produced by these sugars affect moods and concentration in some children and adults, leading to sugar highs and sugar blues.
Proteins in the diet affect brain performance because they provide the amino acids from which neurotransmitters are made. The two important amino acids, tryptophan and tyrosine, are precursors of neurotransmitter. Fats are major components of the brain cell membrane and the myelin sheath around each nerve. So, our diet must include adequate amount of fat and the right kinds of fat can greatly affect brain development and performance.
Minerals are also critical to mental functioning and performance. Magnesium and manganese are needed for brain energy. Zinc is essential in protecting your mind and brain from the aging symptoms of forgetfulness. Sodium, potassium and calcium are important in the thinking process and facilitate the transmission of messages. Iron is also required to carry oxygen to the brain cells and aids in the formation of brain neurotransmitters, which affect attention and learning capacities.
Nuts
Nuts contain protein, high amounts of fiber, and they are rich in beneficial fats. They also contain plenty of vitamin B, E, and magnesium which are essential to cognitive function. They can clear up that brain fog and enable you to think clearer and are positive mood enhancers. Filberts, hazelnuts, cashews, and walnuts are great choices, with almonds being the king of nuts.
For those avoiding carbohydrates, macadamia nuts are much higher in fat than most nuts. Peanuts are not a good choice as many people are allergic to peanuts and have less healthy fat than many other types of nuts.
Seeds
Try seeds like sunflower seeds, sesame seeds, flax seeds, and tahini (a tangy, nutty sesame butter that tastes great in replacement of mayo and salad dressing). Seeds contain a lot of protein, beneficial fat, and vitamin E, as well as stress-fighting antioxidants and important brain-boosting minerals like magnesium.
They boost your mood and brainpower. Sunflower seeds contain tryptophan, an important amino acid that the brain converts to serotonin, which is a natural way to relieve mild depression and insomnia. Additionally, sunflower seeds are high in thiamine, an important B vitamin, which increases memory and cognitive function.
Eggs
Eggs are a precious source of high-quality proteins and rich in vitamins and minerals. The selenium in organic eggs is proven to help your mood. Nutrient called choline, found in eggs, can help boost the memory center in the brain. Choline increases the size of neurons, which helps them fire electrical signals more strongly and rebound faster between firings.
Two antioxidants found in egg yolk called lutein and zeaxanthin help prevent the risk of age-related cataracts and macular degeneration, two of the most prevalent age-related eye conditions.
For brain health, avocados are nearly as good as blueberries. Avocados contain mono-unsaturated fats, which contribute to healthy blood flow, the main requirement for a healthy brain. To include avocados to your diet, add 1/4 to 1/2 of an avocado to one meal daily as a side dish. Start each day with a mix of high-quality protein and beneficial fats to build the foundation for an energized day. Avocado with scrambled eggs are a great combination that serve the above purpose.
Berries
Berries contain antioxidants that help boost cognition, coordination, and memory. Blueberries are high in fiber and low on the glycemic index, thus they are safe for diabetics and they do not spike blood sugar. Blueberries are possibly the best brain food on earth as they boost the potency of neuron signals. They are also known as the “brain berry”, and are considered a super food when eaten in their natural form. They are also known to protect the brain from oxidative stress and may reduce the effects of age-related conditions such as Alzheimer’s disease and dementia.
Antioxidant-rich strawberries can prevent age-related neurological declines by improving brain cell abilities to send and receive the ‘signaling’ molecules. The brain uses these signaling molecules to communicate. Blackberries are rich in nutrients called anthocyanins that help protect our brain from oxidation stress, which in turn fights degenerative brain diseases.
Pomegranate
Pomegranates contain blueberry-like levels of antioxidants, offering brain and memory protection. It carries a lot of vitamin C, A and E as well as fiber, iron and potassium and anti-inflammatory attributes help in strengthening the immune system.
Coffee
Coffee is good for your brain. You can safely enjoy 2 cups daily. Coffee is rich in antioxidants, amino acids, vitamins and minerals. Recent findings show it to be one of the best brain foods, reducing the risks of mental decline including diseases like dementia and Alzheimer’s.
Green tea
Green tea enhances memory and focus and fights mental fatigue. It contains catechines, which help you relax mentally and maintain your focus as well.
Green tea also helps maintain positive mood states and fights against many brain disorders. Polyphenols are powerful antioxidants found in green tea that can boost the availability of the important signaling brain substance dopamine in brain circuits.
Brown rice
Whole grains like brown rice are essential for maintaining concentration throughout the day and improving memory. That’s because they contain the perfect mix of carbohydrates and fiber to fuel your brain while keeping you full. The low-glycemic complex carbohydrate present in brown rice is excellent for people sensitive to gluten who still want to maintain cardiovascular health. Wholegrain breads and cereals are also rich in folate and Vitamin B6, an important brain vitamin.
Chocolate
Dark chocolate has brain boosting compounds; it’s rich in antioxidants and contains several natural stimulants which increase the production of endorphins while enhancing focus and concentration. It also releases dopamine, to enhance cognition and mood. It is also rich in fiber. It has high content of flavanol epicatechin that facilitate blood supply to the brain and enhance cognitive skills.
Milk chocolate jump starts impulse control and reaction time. It has also been known to improve visual and verbal memory.
Garlic
Garlic is one of the most potent nutritious foods. It is fabulous for reducing bad cholesterol and strengthening your cardiovascular system, and it exerts a protective antioxidant effect on the brain. It can potentially help against stroke, dementia and Alzheimer’s disease.
Green leafy vegetables
Spinach, kale, chard, romaine, arugula, lolla rossa and other green vegetables should be consumed on a daily basis. These vegetables are high in iron (slightly less “green” iron sources include beef, pork and lamb). Folate and vitamin B6, found in broccoli and kale, help convert tryptophan into serotonin, a brain chemical that boots mood alertness.
Tomatoes
Tomatoes are fantastic brain foods as there high content of lycopene make them an ideal source of unique of antioxidants. Lycopene is particularly good for brain – helps protect against free-radical damage to cells, which prevents brain from ageing and is believed to be a primary factor in cases of dementia, and particularly, Alzheimer’s disease.
Broccoli
Broccoli is a super food with high overall nutrient content. High levels of chemicals called homocysteines are linked with cognitive decline and Alzheimer’s disease. In order to break themselves down, homocysteines require folate and B12 or B6, vitamins found in vegetables like broccoli. It is a great source of vitamin K, which enhances cognitive function and improves brainpower.
Wholegrain foods
Vitamins B6, B12 and folic acid are essential in protecting your memory. Wholegrain foods, such as whole grain breads and wheat germ are part of the best brain foods. Whole grain breads, cereals, barley, popcorn boost blood flow to the brain.
Wild salmon
Higher levels of omega-3 fatty acids in the blood go hand in hand with higher levels of serotonin, a mood-enhancing brain chemical. Thus, these fatty acids are responsible for improved cognition and alertness, reduced risk of degenerative mental disease (such as dementia), improved memory, improved mood, and reduced depression, anxiety and hyperactivity. Wild salmon is a premium source of these beneficial fats. Salmon is also rich in protein, calcium and vitamins A, D and B group.
Tuna
In addition to being another rich source of DHA (docosahexanoic acid), a type of omega-3s; tuna, particularly yellow fin, has the highest level of vitamin B6 of any food. Generally, the B vitamins are among the most important for balancing your mood. B6 in particular influences dopamine receptors, the “feel good” hormones along with serotonin.
Olive oil
A diet rich in healthy fats is essential to clear thinking, good memory, and a balanced mood. Olive oil is rich in antioxidants for healthy brain function. The extra virgin organic variety is best because the oil is produced naturally without chemical treatment. Raw unprocessed organic olive oil also contains fibers, and proteins.
Avoid processed fats as eating the wrong fat can literally alter your brain’s communication pathways.
Things that drain your brain
There are some foods that will cause a brain drain and work against your efforts.
It is advised to stay away from foods with high-fructose corn syrup; sugary drinks, colas, and juices; refined white sugars; items with trans fats and partially-hydrogenated oils, and other processed foods. Alcohol and nicotine are also known to cause reduced brain function.
A high carbohydrate meal
A high carbohydrate lunch makes you feel sleepy and sluggish. It is advised to opt for a light meal with some quality protein, such as a salad with grilled chicken breast or vegetables and hummus or wild American shrimp and avocado.
Corn syrup and sugar
They lead to health problems like diabetes and obesity, and are terrible for your brain. Don’t eat sugar except on special occasions or as an infrequent treat. Sugary fruit drinks, colas, and juices are among the worst offenders.
Nicotine
It constricts blood flow to the brain, so while it may soothe jittery nerves, smoking can actually reduce your brain function severely and the effects are cumulative.
Alcohol
Alcohol interferes with dopamine production. Moderate amounts of alcohol, particularly resveratrol-rich red wine, can help improve your health, but any alcoholic drink beyond a glass or two of wine daily is a recipe for reduced brain function and energy loss.
Continue reading about Foods That Improve Your Brain Function
Please note that this e-mail has not been verified, so take it for what it is worth.
This information was in The New York Times several weeks ago as part of their “Spotlight on the Home” series that highlighted creative and fanciful ways to solve common problems.
1. Cucumbers contain most of the vitamins you need every day, just one cucumber contains Vitamin B1, Vitamin B2,Vitamin B3, Vitamin B5, Vitamin B6, Folic Acid, VitaminC, Calcium , Iron, Magnesium, Phosphorus, Potassium and Zinc.
2. Feeling tired in the afternoon, put down the caffeinated soda and pick up a cucumber. Cucumbers are a good source of B Vitamins and Carbohydrates that can provide that quick pick-me-up that can last for hours.
3. Tired of your bathroom mirror fogging up after a shower? Try rubbing a cucumber slice along the mirror, it will eliminate the fog and provide a soothing, spa-like fragrance.
4. Are grubs and slugs ruining your planting beds? Place a few slices in a small pie tin and your garden will be free of pests all season long. The chemicals in the cucumber react with the aluminum to give off a scent undetectable to humans but drive garden pests crazy and make them flee the area.
5. Looking for a fast and easy way to remove cellulite before going out or to the pool? Try rubbing a slice or two of cucumbers along your problem area for a few minutes, the phytochemicals in the cucumber cause the collagen in your skin to tighten, firming up the outer layer and reducing the visibility of cellulite. Works great on wrinkles too!!!
6. Want to avoid a hangover or terrible headache? Eat a few cucumber slices before going to bed and wake up refreshed and headache free. Cucumbers contain enough sugar, B vitamins and electrolytes to replenish essential nutrients the body lost, keeping everything in equilibrium, avoiding both a hangover and headache!!
7. Looking to fight off that afternoon or evening snacking binge? Cucumbers have been used for centuries and often used by European trappers, traders and explores for quick meals to thwart off starvation.
8. Have an important meeting or job interview and you realize that you don’t have enough time to polish your shoes? Rub a freshly cut cucumber over the shoe, its chemicals will provide a quick and durable shine that not only looks great but also repels water.
9. Out of WD 40 and need to fix a squeaky hinge? Take a cucumber slice and rub it along the problematic hinge, and voila, the squeak is gone!
10. Stressed out and don’t have time for massage, facial or visit to the spa? Cut up an entire cucumber and place it in a boiling pot of water, the chemicals and nutrients from the cucumber with react with the boiling water and be released in the steam, creating a soothing, relaxing aroma that has been shown the reduce stress in new mothers and college students during final exams.
11. Just finish a business lunch and realize you don’t have gum or mints? Take a slice of cucumber and press it to the roof of your mouth with your tongue for 30 seconds to eliminate bad breath, the phytochemicials will kill the bacteria in your mouth responsible for causing bad breath.
12. Looking for a “green” way to clean your faucets, sinks or stainless steel? Take a slice of cucumber and rub it on the surface you want to clean, not only will it remove years of tarnish and bring back the shine, but is won’t leave streaks and won’t harm you fingers or fingernails while you clean.
13. Using a pen and made a mistake? Take the outside of the cucumber and slowly use it to erase the pen writing, also works great on crayons and markers that the kids have used to decorate the walls!
