Fun Recipes

WISH EVERY DAY WAS FAT TUESDAY

Especially after Fat Tuesday

Football Jokes, NFL, Super Bowl

“Football is a game played with arms, legs and shoulders but mostly from the neck up.” 

 Knute Rockne 

Super Bowl XLVI  (46) February 5, 2012 

New York Giants & New England Patriots

Congratulations to the GIANTS! 21- 17

SUPER BOWL CHAMPS

Princess, the star Camel of New Jersey’s Popcorn Park Zoo, has correctly picked the winner of five of the last six Super Bowls. She went 14 and 6 predicting regular season and playoff games this year, and has a lifetime record of 88-51.

Her pick this year: The New York Giants.

Stare at the picture to see the best optical illusion ever.

Just for fun

I know it’s a long stretch, but I’m sticking my neck out and picking the Patriots!

 Wonder who Madonna picks?

If I spend money for a Super Bowl ticket ~ “Do I get to have sex with Madonna?”  David Letterman

Letterman read “Questions to Ask Yourself Before Spending $16,000 on a Super Bowl Ticket” on Tuesday’s edition of his late-night talk show.
The list read as follows –

10. “Do they have anything in the more affordable $15,000 range?”

9. “Have I recently divorced eitherKobe Bryant or Tiger Woods?” 

8. “Can I afford it after spending $12,000 on a Pro Bowl ticket?”

7. “Isn’t this why the rest of the world hates us?”

6. “Would it make more sense to watch at home and spend the 16 grand on snacks?”

5. “Before I spend the money, how’s Gronkowski’s ankle?”

4. “For $4,000 an hour, couldn’t I get a really good hooker?”

3. “If I’ve got 16 grand, should I buy the Mets?”

2. “Will I forever be known as ‘the ass [expletive] who spent $16,000 on a Super Bowl ticket?’”

1. “Do I get to have sex with Madonna?” 

Well, say, this (football) beats croquet. There’s more go about it!
- quoted in “Mark Twain at Football Game,” New York World, Sunday November 18, 1900

According to a poll, 43% of Americans thought God helped Tim Tebow win football games.  But many of them also resented it because that meant God was sitting at home watching football while they were at church. 

Joe Biden was at a Democratic fundraiser last week in San Francisco and he said, “The Giants are on the way to the Super Bowl.”  After getting jeered he said he made a mistake because the San Francisco baseball team is the Giants.  Who would have thought Biden would ever get confused?  Anyway, since the subject was football it is appropriate that he stuck his foot in his mouth.

***

SUPER BOWL SUNDAY is the number one

SNACK DAY in the United States.

Not a good day to start a diet or maintain a diet.

Companies are spending a fortune in

The Battle For Your Stomach

Just sit back and enjoy a SUPER BOWL of:

chili, chips, dip, chicken wings,

processed sliced meat or pizza

Want to be a creative host at your Super Bowl Party?

Try serving these hefty caloric unique snacks:

Scroll over the picture for their names!

New York state bakery named Coccadotts Cake Shop is selling a combination of cornbread and bleau cheese frosting — with a big ol’ chicken wing on top. Said Rachel Coca-Dott, owner of the bakery in Colonie near Albany:

I was thinking about the Super Bowl. What goes with the Super Bowl but chicken wings? And I said, ‘Oh, a chicken wing cupcake, Rachel?’ And I tried five or six recipes and the last recipe when I was ready to call it quits I think we kinda nailed it on it.

In the Patriots initial media session, Patriots head coach Bill Belichick, made a good attempt to get the Indianapolis home town fans on his side when he mentioned the Patriots’ loss to the rival Colts in 2009.

“I never had too much hospitality here until I went for it on fourth-and-2,” Belichick quipped. “Since then, I’ve been greeted in a lot more friendly manner than I was in the past.”

****

A ball boy made an incredible catch during the Australian Open Tennis match between Federer and Nadal. I’ll have to check the stats, but I think that grab gives the kid the same number of receptions that Green Bay Packers receivers had in the playoffs.

Where do hungry football players play? In the Supper Bowl.

Q: What do you call 53 millionaires around a TV watching the Super Bowl in Arlington, Texas?
A: The Dallas Cowboys!

Q: What’s the difference between the Green bay Packers and Cheerios?
A: Cheerios belongs in a bowl.

Superbowl Commitment…
… A young man was very excited because he just won a ticket to the Super Bowl. His excitement lessened as he realized his seat was in the back of the stadium. As he searched the rows ahead of him for a better seat, he found an empty one right next to the field.
He approached the man sitting next to the empty seat and asked if it was taken.
The man replied, “No.”
Amazed the young man asked, “How could someone pass up a seat like this?”
The older gentleman responded, “That’s my wife’s seat. We’ve been to every Super Bowl together since the day we were married but she has passed away.”
“Oh, how sad,” the man said. “I’m sorry to hear that, but couldn’t you find a friend or relative to come with you?”
“No,” the man said, “They’re all at the funeral.”

Albert Einstein arrives at a party and introduces himself to the first person he sees and asks, “What is your IQ?”
The man answers “241.”
“That is wonderful!,” says Albert. “We will talk about the Grand Unification Theory and the mysteries of the Universe. We will have much to discuss!” Next Albert introduces himself to a woman and asks, “What is your IQ?”
The lady answers, “144.”
“That is great!,” responds Albert. “We can discuss politics and current affairs. We will have much to discuss!”
Albert goes to another person and asks, “What is your IQ?”
The man answers, “51.”
Albert responds, “How ’bout them Packers?”

The Cheesehead teacher and Little Johnny

“A first grade teacher explains to her class that she is a Cheesehead.
She asks her students to raise their hands if they are Cheeseheads too.
No one really knowing what a Cheesehead was, but wanting to be like their teacher, their hands explode into the air like flashy fireworks.
There is, however, one exception. A boy named Little Johnny who has not gone along with the crowd. The teacher asks him why he has decided to be different.
“Because I’m not a Cheesehead.”

“Then”, asks the teacher, “What are you?”
“Why, I’m a proud Steeler Fan,” boasts Little Johnny.
The teacher is a little perturbed now, her face slightly red. She asks Little Johnny why he is a rebel.
“Well, my mom and dad are Steeler Fans, so I’m a Steeler Fan too.”
The teacher is now angry. “That’s no reason,” she says loudly. “What if your mom was a moron, and your dad was a moron. What would you be then?”
A pause, and a smile. “Then,” says Little Johnny, “I’d be a Cheesehead”.”

“The city of Pittsburgh is on top of the sports world. To remain there, they’ll have to sell the Pirates”

“The Steelers are keeping the natural grass on their field so that the offensive line has something to graze on.”

Next Season
The Seven Dwarfs were marching through the forest one day they fell in a deep, dark ravine. Snow White, who was following along, peered over the edge of the steep chasm and called out to the fallen dwarfs. From the depths of the dark hole a voice returned, “The Panthers are Super Bowl contenders.”Snow White thought to herself, “Thank God… at least Dopey’s survived!”

*

“My definition of a Super Bowl is a toilet that cleans itself!”

HOW DO I LOVE YOU? LET ME COUNT THE CALORIES

THE CHICKEN WING CUPCAKE

CAKE POPS FOR VALENTINE’S DAY

ROBBIE BURNS DAY

Robert Burns ~ (25 January 1759 – 21 July 1796)

ROBBIE BURNS DAY ~ JANUARY 25

Stock up on the Haggis in order to celebrate Robbie Burns Day in honor of Scotland’s most famous poet, Robert Burns. He wrote poems like “Auld Lang Syne,” “A Red, Red Rose,” and “Ae Fond Kiss”.  Robbie Burns’ work is loved so much, his birthday is celebrated all over the world on January 25th. Highlights of any Robbie Burns Day Celebrations include the bagpipes, Scotsmen in kilts and the reading of Burns’ poem, To A Haggis.

He was a “colourful” personality who loved whiskey, women and the written word.

His birthday has become a good excuse to have a party and celebrate with a libation or two (or three or four).

Robert Burns_Alexander Naysmit 1787

But no Robbie Burns’ festival would be complete without the dish of choice – haggis.

Some say the Haggis is actually nothing more than a large sausage.

HAGGIS RECIPE 

Ingredients:

• 1 sheep’s bag (stomach) and pluck (heart, liver, windpipe and lungs)
• 1/4 lb. suet
• 4 medium sized onions (blanched)
• 1/2 lb. pinhead oatmeal
• 2-4 level tablespoons salt
• 1 level teaspoon black pepper
• 1 level teaspoon powdered herbs

Instructions:

1. Wash the bag in cold water, scrape and clean it well. Leave it overnight in cold water.
2. Wash the pluck and put in a pan of boiling water and boil for one hour. Leave the windpipe hanging out. Place a small bowl under the windpipe to catch any drips.
3. Place the cooked pluck in a bowl, cover with the fluid it was boiled in and leave overnight.
4. The next day cut off the windpipe. Grate the liver and chop the heart, suet and onions.
5. Toast the oatmeal, but make sure the color doesn’t change. Add the oatmeal, salt, pepper, herbs and just over half a liter of liquid in which the pluck was boiled.
6. Mix well. Fill the bag more than half full of the mixture, then sew it up and prick it.
7. Place in boiling water, simmer for three hours, pricking occasionally to keep from bursting.
8. The bag may be cut into several pieces to make smaller haggis; cook one and a half to two hours.

 Before eating the Haggis, if you can stomach it, the host might recite the 

 Selkirk Grace or prayer.

Some hae meat and canna eat,
And some wad eat that want it,
But we hae meat and we can eat,
Sae the Lord be thankit.

Haggis Joke

Maître d’hôtel: ‘Are you here for a special occasion?’
Campbell: ‘Aye, we won the third prize in the annual Robert Burns Contest, a haggis dinner for two.’

Maître d’hôtel: ‘What were the other prizes?’
Campbell: The second prize was a single haggis dinner, and, if you won the first prize, you didnae have to eat the haggis.’

HAPPY NATIONAL BLOODY MARY DAY

January 1 is National Bloody Mary Day ~ what a great idea!

Too much fun on on New Year’s Eve?

The Bloody Mary should help. The tomato juice provides a variety of vitamins and nutrients to combat the damages of excessive alcohol consumption.

It dates back to 1921, when bartender Fernand Petiot served its originator at Harry’s Bar in Paris, before moving to the United States and creating a spicier version with the addition of Tabasco in 1933 at the Regis Bar in New York. And thus the brunchtime hair of the dog was born.

Here’s the classic Bloody Mary recipe.  Enjoy!

1 1/2 ounces (1 jigger) vodka
1/2 cup tomato juice
2 teaspoons fresh lemon juice
Worcestershire sauce to taste
Tabasco to taste
1 celery stick for garnish
1 lemon wedge for garnish

Combine the vodka, the tomato juice, the lemon juice, the Worcestershire sauce, the Tabasco, 1 cup ice cubes, and salt and pepper to

taste, shake the mixture well, and strain it into a tall glass filled with ice cubes. Garnish the Bloody Mary with the celery stick and the lemon wedge.

 SERVES 1

You may also want ~ need to try the following cures at:

http://www.e-forwards.com/2011/12/hanover-cures/

Creative, Funny and Unique Recipe Creations for Christmas and the Holiday Season

My husband’s folks came to dinner. I wanted to serve roast but all I had was hamburger.

Suddenly I had a flash of genius.

I put the hamburger in the oven and set the controls for roast. It still came out hamburger, much to my disappointment.

Christmas Recipe

1. Rudolph Reindeer Cupcakes for Christmas

*

Ingredients

Your choice or be creative. It’s really pretty simple!

1.

• A cooled cupcake (baked from your favorite recipe) Chocolate frosting

• Round, red lollipops

• M&M’s candies

or

2.

• 1 package (18-1/4 ounces) cake mix of your choice

• 1 can (16 ounces) chocolate frosting

• 48 animal crackers

• 24 miniature marshmallows, halved

• 48 miniature chocolate chips or raisins

• 24 red jelly beans

or

3.

24 baked chocolate cupcakes
Chocolate frosting
Pretzel Twists
24 amaretti cookies (or any other tan, circular cookie)
24 Swedish Berries (or any other red, circular candy)
10 white chocolate wafers
48 milk chocolate chips

******

 Easiest Treat to Make for Christmas or any Occasion ~ Incredibly Delicious

Pretzels, Rolos and Walnuts

Place Rolo on Pretzel

Place in oven 4 minutes at 400 degrees

Remove and top with favorite nut (walnut( or treat

For the adults since it’s made with bourbon!

Ingrediants

1/4 cup soft butter

1/3 cup Wild Turkey Bourbon

1 lb. Powdered sugar (you may need more if too runny)

1 bag (about 1 1/2 lbs.) chocolate chips

1 to 1 1/2 bags of pecans

Preparation:

Mix butter, sugar and bourbon together till stiff.

Melt chocolate chips in microwave then stir.

Roll the wild turkey mixture into small oval shapes (keeping powdered sugar on hands makes it less sticky) about as big as the pecan. Put pecan 1/2 on each side of ball and dip narrow side in chocolate. Set and serve.

Makes about 100 pieces.

 Fruity Christmas Tree

A styrofoam cone was used to make it, but a large parsnip would work just as well, and be biodegradable. Lots of cute cookie cutters, including a gingerbread man cookie cutter, were also used, along with lots of toothpicks to hold the fruit in place.

Funny Christmas Cake

Ingredients: 
1 cup of water 
1 tsp baking soda 
1 cup of sugar 
1 tsp salt 
1 cup of brown sugar 
lemon juice 
4 large eggs 
lots of nuts 
1 bottle Vodka 
2 cups of dried fruit 

Sample the vodka to check quality. Take a large bowl, check the vodka again. To be sure it is the highest quality, pour one level cup and drink.

Repeat. Turn on the electric mixer. Beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl.

Add one teaspoon of sugar. Beat again. At this point it’s best to make sure the vodka is shtill OK. 

Try another cup …. just in case. Turn off the mixerer.

Break 2 leggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit.

Pick fruit off floor.

Mix on the turner.

If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers pry it loose with a sdrewscriver.

Sample the vodka to check for tonsisticity.

Next, sift two cups of salt. Or something. Who careshz.

Check the vodka.

Now shift the lemon juice and strain your nuts.

Add one table.

Add a spoon of sugar, or somefink. Whatever you can find.

Greash the oven and wee in the fridge.

Turn the cake tin 360 degrees and try not to fall over.

Don’t forget to beat off the turner.

Finally, throw the bowl through the window, finish the vodka

Fall into bed.

CHERRY MISTMAS

Blonde Cookbook