What Children Say About Their Grandparents
How children perceive their grandparents and what Children say about their Grandparents!
1. She was in the bathroom, putting on her makeup, under the watchful eyes of her young granddaughter, as she’d done many times before. After she applied her lipstick and started to leave, the little one said, “But Grandma, you forgot to kiss the toilet paper good-bye!” I will probably never put lipstick on again without thinking about kissing the toilet paper good-bye….
2. My young grandson called the other day to wish me Happy Birthday. He asked me how old I was, and I told him, 62. My grandson was quiet for a moment, and then he asked, “Did you start at 1?”
3. After putting her grandchildren to bed, a grandmother changed into old slacks and a droopy blouse and proceeded to wash her hair. As she heard the children getting more and more rambunctious, her patience grew thin. Finally, she threw a towel around her head and stormed into their room, putting them back to bed with stern warnings. As she left the room, she heard the three-year-old say with a trembling voice,
“Who was THAT?”
4. A grandmother was telling her little granddaughter what her own childhood was like. “We used to skate outside on a pond. I had a swing made from a tire; it hung from a tree in our front yard. We rode our pony. We picked wild raspberries in the woods.”
The little girl was wide-eyed, taking this all in. At last she said, “I sure wish I’d gotten to know you sooner!”
5. My grandson was visiting one day when he asked, “Grandma, do you know how you and God are alike?” I mentally polished my halo and I said, “No, how are we alike?” “You’re both old,” he replied.
6. A little girl was diligently pounding away on her grandfather’s word processor. She told him she was writing a story.
“What’s it about?” he asked.
“I don’t know,” she replied. “I can’t read.”
7. I didn’t know if my granddaughter had learned her colours yet, so I decided to test her. I would point out something and ask what colour it was. She would tell me and was always correct.. It was fun for me, so I continued. At last, she headed for the door, saying, “Grandma, I think you should try to figure out some of these colours yourself!”
8. When my grandson Billy and I entered our vacation cabin, we kept the lights off until we were inside to keep from attracting pesky insects. Still, a few fireflies followed us in. Noticing them before I did, Billy whispered, “It’s no use Grandpa. Now the mosquitoes are coming after us with flashlights.”
9. When my grandson asked me how old I was, I teasingly replied, “I’m not sure.” “Look in your underwear, Grandpa,” he advised “Mine says I’m 4 to 6.”
10. A second grader came home from school and said to her grandmother, “Grandma, guess what? We learned how to make babies today.” The grandmother, more than a little surprised, tried to keep her cool. “That’s interesting.” she said. “How do you make babies?”
“It’s simple,” replied the girl. “You just change ‘y’ to ‘i’ and add ‘es’.”
11. Children’s Logic: “Give me a sentence about a public servant,” said a teacher. The small boy wrote: “The fireman came down the ladder pregnant.” The teacher took the lad aside to correct him. “Don’t you know what pregnant means?” she asked.
“Sure,” said the young boy confidently. ‘It means carrying a child.”
12. A grandfather was delivering his grandchildren to their home one day when a fire truck zoomed past. Sitting in the front seat of the fire truck was a Dalmatian dog. The children started discussing the dog’s duties.
“They use him to keep crowds back,” said one child.
“No,” said another. “He’s just for good luck.”
A third child brought the argument to a close.”They use the dogs,” she said firmly, “to find the fire hydrants.”
13. A 6-year-old was asked where his grandma lived. “Oh,” he said, “she lives at the airport, and when we want her, we just go get her. Then, when we’re done having her visit, we take her back to the airport.”
14. Grandpa is the smartest man on earth! He teaches me good things, but I don’t get to see him enough to get as smart as him!
15. My Grandparents are funny, when they bend over, you hear gas leaks and they blame their dog.
SEND THIS TO OTHER GRANDPARENTS, ALMOST GRANDPARENTS, OR HECK, SEND IT TO EVERYONE.
IT WILL MAKE THEIR DAY!
Categories: 1. Funny Email Forwards, 4. Old Age or Golden Years Jokes, 5. Funny Poster of the Day, Email Delanteros Humor Interesante, email Forwards, FUNNY EMAILS, Funny Pictures, Great Posters, Humor, I've learned that..., Interesting Facts, Jokes, Kids/Children, Relationships, Wisdom Tags: grandparents, grandparents and children funny, Humor, Jokes, kids
Don’t Forget Father’s Day
Father’s Day is
Sunday, June 16, 2013
Don’t Forget Father’s Day!
What Is A Dad?
A dad is someone who
wants to catch you before you fall
but instead picks you up,
brushes you off,
and lets you try again.
A dad is someone who
wants to keep you from making mistakes
but instead lets you find your own way,
even though his heart breaks in silence
when you get hurt.
A dad is someone who
holds you when you cry,
scolds you when you break the rules,
shines with pride when you succeed,
and has faith in you even when you fail…
- Unknown
A father is someone that
holds your hand at the fair
makes sure you do what your mother says
holds back your hair when yor are sick
brushes that hair when it is tangled because mother is too busy
lets you eat ice cream for breakfeast
but only when mother is away
he walks you down the aisle
and tells you everythings gonna be ok
- Unknown
Knock knock
Who’s there?
Canoe
Canoe who?
Canoe help me with my homework please Dad – I’m stuck!
Dad will never say
Top Ten Things You’ll Never Hear a Dad Say
10. Well, how ’bout that?… I’m lost! Looks like we’ll have to stop and ask for directions.
9. You know Pumpkin, now that you’re thirteen, you’ll be ready for unchaperoned car dates. Won’t that be fun?
8. I noticed that all your friends have a certain “up yours” attitude … I like that.
7. Here’s a credit card and the keys to my new car — GO CRAZY.
6. What do you mean you wanna play football? Figure skating not good enough for you, son?
5. Your Mother and I are going away for the weekend … you might want to consider throwing a party.
4. Well, I don’t know what’s wrong with your car. Probably one of those doo-hickey thingies — you know — that makes it run or something. Just have it towed to a mechanic and pay whatever he asks.
3. No son of mine is going to live under this roof without an earring — now quit your belly-aching, and let’s go to the mall.
2. Whaddya wanna go and get a job for? I make plenty of money for you to spend.
1. Father’s Day? aahh — don’t worry about that — it’s no big deal.
More Cute Father’s Day Jokes and Riddles at:
Great Gift ideas for Father’s Day:
Categories: 2. Father's Day, 5. Funny Poster of the Day, email Forwards, Famous Quotes, Funny Pictures, I've learned that..., Inspirational, Interesting Facts Tags: best dad poster, Best Father's day posters, Father's Day 2013. best Father's day quotes, father's day gifts, gifts for dads
FBI Assassin
The FBI had an opening for an assassin.
After all the background checks,
interviews and testing were done, there were 3
finalists; two men and a woman.For the final test, the FBI agents took one of the
men to a large metal door and handed him a
gun.‘We must know that you will follow
your Instructions no matter what the
circumstances.Inside the room you will
find your wife sitting in a chair
…. Kill her!!’The man said, ‘You can’t
be serious. I could never shoot my wife.’The agent said, ‘Then you’re not the right man
for this job. Take your wife and
go home.’The second man was given the same
instructions. He took the gun and went into the
room. All was quiet for about 5 minutes.The man came out with
tears in his eyes, ‘I tried, but I can’t kill my
wife.’ The agent said, ‘You don’t have what it
takes. Take your wife and go
home.’Finally, it was the woman’s
turn. She was given the same instructions, to kill
her husband. She took the gun and went into the
room. Shots were heard, one after
another. They heard screaming,
crashing, banging on the walls.. After a few
minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and
there stood the woman, wiping the sweat from her
brow.‘This gun is loaded with blanks’ she
said. ‘I had to kill him with the chair!
Categories: 1. Funny Email Forwards, Email Delanteros Humor Interesante, email Forwards, FUNNY EMAILS, Funny Pictures, Humor, I've learned that..., Jokes, Wisdom, Women Tags: FBI and women joke, FBI Assassin joke, funny email forward
The Catholic Way
The Catholic Way
TRULY DID NOT KNOW THIS! Las Vegas Churches accept gambling chips?
THIS MAY COME AS A SURPRISE TO THOSE OF YOU NOT LIVING IN AS VEGAS, BUT THERE ARE MORE CATHOLIC CHURCHES THAN CASINOS.
NOT SURPRISINGLY, SOME WORSHIPERS AT SUNDAY SERVICES WILL GIVE CASINO CHIPS RATHER THAN CASH WHEN THE BASKET IS PASSED.
SINCE THEY GET CHIPS FROM MANY DIFFERENT CASINOS, THE CHURCHES HAVE DEVISED A METHOD TO COLLECT THE OFFERINGS.
THE CHURCHES SEND ALL THEIR COLLECTED CHIPS TO A NEARBY FRANCISCAN MONASTERY FOR SORTING AND THEN THE CHIPS ARE TAKEN TO THE CASINOS OF ORIGIN AND CASHED IN.
THIS IS DONE BY THE CHIP MONKS.
YOU DIDN’T EVEN SEE IT COMING DID YOU? –
Its so easy to fool old Folks!!!
Now it’s your turn to tag someone else!
Have a great day !!!
Pope Joke
The Pope goes to New York. He is picked up at the airport by a limousine. He looks at the beautiful car and says to the driver, “You know, I hardly ever get to drive. Would you please let me?”
The driver is understandably hesistant and says, “I’m sorry, but I don’t think I’m supposed to do that.”
But the Pope persists, “Please?” The driver finally lets up. “Oh, all right, I can’t really say no to the Pope.”
So the Pope takes the wheel, and boy, is he a speed demon! He hits the gas and goes around 100 mph in a 45 zone. A policeman notices and pulls him over.
The cop walks up and asks the Pope to roll down the window. Startled and surprised, the young officer asks the Pope to wait a minute. He goes back to his patrol car and radios the chief.
Cop: Chief, I have a problem.
Chief: What sort of problem?
Cop: Well, you see, I pulled over this guy for driving way over the speed limit but it’s someone really important.
Chief: Important like the mayor?
Cop: No, no, much more important than that.
Chief: Important like the governor?
Cop: Wayyyyyy more important than that.
Chief: Like the president?
Cop: More.
Chief: Who’s more important than the president?
Cop: I don’t know, but he’s got the Pope driving for him!
For another cute and funny email forward
about religion and the Catholic Church, check out:
http://www.e-forwards.com/2011/02/church-squirrels/
Categories: 1. Funny Email Forwards, 4. Old Age or Golden Years Jokes, Email Delanteros Humor Interesante, email Forwards, FUNNY EMAILS, Funny Pictures, Humor, I've learned that..., Interesting Facts, Jokes, Religous Tags: catholic joke, catholic las vegas joke, funny email forward gambling, gambling chips joke, gambling joke
If Mayor Rob Ford Resigns
If Mayor Rob Ford resigns (which he should),
what will the Media Maggots do with all their spare time!?
‘Constant Circus’ Around
Rob Ford A Distraction,
Councillors Say
But Prime Minister Harper and his croney Duffy love it!
welcome to Ontario funny Rob Ford
Toronto’s Mayor Rob Ford has been embroiled for the past week in a scandal involving his alleged use of crack cocaine.
The problems for Rob Ford continue to mount. Perhaps the most damaging for Ford and his family is the
Globe and Mail investigation: The Ford family’s history with drug dealing.
This drug scandal may not be all it’s cracked up to be.
I think it’s time that the Ford brother’s and the media to meet and try to hash things out.
Maybe they can make a deal!
It’s time for Rob Ford to do the right thing and resign. Doug Ford would be wise to announce his “retirement” too!
The Ford Brothers “dynasty is in ruins ~ “They go out there and they want to write these stories. They want to try and ruin our family,” he said. “They want to go after the character of our family.”
The problem for the Fords is that there are quite a few “THEYS” who are investigating them
and
“WE” are tired of this incredible Mickey Mouse farce of a politician called Rob Ford!
It’s difficult for people to trust Rob Ford.
“I don’t do drugs and if I ever did I’ve forgotten about it. That’s the truth … and I’m sticking to it (for now).” ~ Rob Ford
How can the city continue to function with him as mayor?
Rob Ford Incident File ~ Very interesting facts about Rob Ford!!!!
at: https://docs.google.com/spreadsheet/lv?key=0AhpNgYjOr8FzdGhZNVFocUhERUxzRGJBMFBtVDZHaUE&toomany=true
| 1 | 2/15/1999 | Arrested in Miami, Florida, for DUI and receives a marijuana conviction; convicted; denies charges later during mayoral campaign until presented with evidence. |
| 2 | 6/13/2001 | Ford questions a grant for a video about homosexuality in Toronto’s South Asian community, telling The National Post: “I have no problem giving money out to physically or mentally handicapped children or seniors, but spending $5,000 on this video is disgusting, it is absolutely disgusting to spend this amount of money on this, whatever it was called, video.” |
| 3 | 3/6/2002 | During a council budget debate, Ford calls fellow councillor George Mammoliti a “Gino-boy.” |
| 4 | 4/17/2002 | During a council debate on whether there should be homeless shelters across the city, rather than only downtown, Mr. Ford says: “This is an insult to my constituents to even think about having a homeless shelter in their ward. And you want me to have a public meeting to discuss this? Why don’t we have a public lynching?” |
| 5 | 6/14/2005 | Ford questions the utility of grant programs for transgendered and transsexual people during a council debate. “I don’t understand. No. 1, I don’t understand a transgender, I don’t understand, is it a guy dressed up like a girl or a girl dressed up like a guy? And we’re funding this for, I don’t know, what does it say here? We’re giving them $3,210?” |
| 6 | 7/19/2005 | During a council debate over a pothole, Ford calls fellow councillor Gloria Lindsay Luby “a joke. She’s a waste of time. A waste of skin.” |
| 7 | 4/15/2006 | Security guards remove a drunken and belligerent Ford from a Maple Leafs game. After being asked to be quiet, Ford yells, “You right-wing communist bastards,” and “Who the fuck do you think you are? Are you a fucking teacher? Do you want your little wife to go over to Iran and get raped and shot?” |
| 8 | 6/28/2006 | Ford declares during a debate on a $1.5 million AIDs prevention program: “If you are not doing needles and you are not gay, you wouldn’t get AIDS probably. That’s the bottom line…. How are women getting it? Maybe they are sleeping with bisexual men.” |
| 9 | 3/7/2007 | Comments about cyclists: “My heart bleeds for them when I hear someone gets killed, but it’s their own fault at the end of the day.” |
| 10 | 3/5/2008 | Comments about Asians during a holiday shopping debate: “Those Oriental people work like dogs. They work their hearts out. They are workers non-stop. They sleep beside their machines. That’s why they’re successful in life. I went to Seoul, South Korea, I went to Taipei, Taiwan. I went to Tokyo, Japan. That’s why these people are so hard workers (sic). I’m telling you, the Oriental people, they’re slowly taking over.” |
| 11 | 3/26/2008 | Ford is charged with assaulting his wife and uttering a death threat. The charges are later dropped because inconsistencies in Renata Ford’s accounts make a conviction unlikely. |
| 12 | 6/4/2010 | Ford offers to help an ill man “score” the powerful painkiller OxyContin in a taped phone conversation: “I’ll try, buddy, I’ll try. I don’t know this shit, but I’ll fucking try to find it. Why don’t you go on the street and score it? Fuck, you know, I don’t know any drug dealers at all.” |
| 13 | 7/14/2010 | A Toronto District School Board source states that Ford was asked to stop coaching high school football after he reportedly had a violent physical confrontation with a student player at Newtonbrook Secondary School in 2001. |
| 14 | 8/12/2010 | City’s integrity commissioner finds Ford had violated council’s code of conduct by using his official letterhead to solicit donations totaling $3150 from lobbyists and corporations for his private charitable organization, the Rob Ford Football Foundation. Council recommends he repay this money at its next meeting on Aug 25. Ford does not do so. |
| 15 | 8/12/2010 | Ford tells The Toronto Sun that in-camera council meetings have “more corruption and skullduggery going on in there than I’ve ever seen in my life.” He also says council’s decision to award an untendered 20-year contract to a pub operator “stinks to high heaven.” |
| 16 | 8/17/2010 | Ford argues for a cap on immigration in the city of Toronto: “We can’t even deal with the 2.5 million people in this city. I think it’s more important we take care of the people now before we start bringing in more. There are going to be a million more people — according to the Official Plan, which I did not support – over the next 10 years coming into the city. We’re not in the fiscal shape, we’re not in the social shape, to be taking any more people into this city right now.” Previously, in March 2003, Ford had suggested Toronto be declared a “refugee-free zone.” |
| 17 | 12/21/2010 | A Toronto Star story shows that Ford and his aides made misleading statements about his academic career implying that he attended Carleton University for three years (dropping out two credits short) and played varsity football for the Carleton Ravens. In fact, he dropped out of Carleton after one year, and former Carleton Ravens players are doubtful that he ever dressed for a game. York University confirms that Ford took six continuing education courses, completing “some, but not all” of the first-year courses. |
| 18 | 5/13/2011 | Audited for violating election campaign spending rules (improperly paying for his campaign expenses, wrongly borrowing money from his family’s holding company (Doug Ford Holdings), exceeding the campaign spending limit and accepting corporate contributions) |
| 19 | 6/23/2011 | Ford announces his intention to skip the Pride parade in favour of a Canada Day family weekend at his cottage, becoming the first mayor of the mega-city to miss the event. “We’ve been in Huntsville for the past 30 (years), as long as I can remember, since I’ve been a little boy. I’m carrying on a tradition my father had. Last year I was there during the campaign, we’re there every year,” he claims, although photos later surface of Ford at a Canada Day event in East York in 2010. |
| 20 | 7/22/2011 | Ford seen driving while using his cell phone; makes obscene gesture at woman and six-year-old daughter after mother tells him to get off his phone |
| 21 | 10/24/2011 | Ford flees into his house and calls 911 three times after a crew from CBC’s This Hour Has 22 Minutes including Mary Walsh in character as Marg Delahunty approaches him in his driveway. Multiple sources claim Ford verbally abuses the 911 dispatcher, yelling, “You … bitches! Don’t you f–king know? I’m Rob f–king Ford, the mayor of this city!” Ford’s wife, Renata, reportedly places another 911 call at 10:17 the same evening, this time in regard to a verbal altercation between herself and Ford. |
| 22 | 12/13/2011 | TTC chief general manager Gary Webster reports that cancelling Transit City in favour of Toronto Mayor Rob Ford’s subway-focused plan will cost $65 million in penalties. |
| 23 | 12/25/2011 | Ford’s mother-in-law calls 911, claiming that Ford has been drinking and is taking his children to Florida against his wife’s wishes. |
| 24 | 1/1/2012 | Photographed at the 2012 New Year’s Levee with his arm around Jon Latvis, a member of neo-Nazi band RAHOWA (Racial Holy War), who is attired in the uniform of the Latvian Homeguard. |
| 25 | 1/29/2012 | A report by the law firm Cavalluzzo, Hayes, Shilton, McIntyre & Cornish says Ford exceeded his legal authority when he cancelled Transit City without city council approval. |
| 26 | 2/7/2012 | Council votes to rescind the Aug 25, 2010 recommendation to make Ford repay illegal donations. Rob Ford speaks during debate on the matter and votes on the relevant motion; it is later alleged he broke the Municipal Conflict-of-Interest Act by doing so. |
| 27 | 2/8/2012 | Council votes 25-18 for a plan by TTC chair Karen Stintz to resurrect the Transit City light-rail scenario approved by the city, the TTC and the province in 2009 under former mayor David Miller, and killed by Ford shortly after he assumed office. Ford dismisses city council’s will, calling their defeat of his alternative transit plan “irrelevant.” |
| 28 | 2/21/2012 | While TTC chair Karen Stintz vacations out of town, transit commissioners call a special meeting and vote 5-4 to fire TTC chief general manager Gary Webster two weeks after Webster testifies to council that he cannot justify Ford’s vision of running the entire Eglinton LRT line underground, raising the cost of the line by $2 billion. Webster’s contract stipulates he is to be paid more than $560,000 in salary (plus benefits) over two years, in compensation for being fired without just cause, about $160,000 more than if he had been allowed to work until his planned retirement in July 2013. Frank Di Giorgio, a Ford ally and one of the five voters behind Webster’s firing, suggests that more senior transit managers may lose their jobs for not “respecting the office of the mayor.” |
| 29 | 3/17/2012 | A St. Patrick’s Day reveller reports seeing Ford “stumbling down the street … inebriated and sweaty but in a jovial way” and tells him “You’re the worst mayor ever.” Ford allegedly walks over, kissed her on the forehead, and responds, “I know, but I try.” Ford then heads into a private room in the Bier Markt on the Esplanade, where a staffer describes him as “incoherent” and “hammered.” The DJ working that night reports Ford is fighting and carrying on “like an idiot.” After “storming the dance floor,” Ford is asked to leave and escorted out by his own staff and members of the restaurant’s security team. |
| 30 | 4/18/2012 | Ford announces his intention to skip the Pride parade for a second straight year. |
| 31 | 5/2/2012 | Ford applies to buy a 2,800-square-foot publicly owned parkette adjacent to his house. His stated aim is to build a better fence to ensure his family’s security; his agent says they have no plans to build on the land, though this is contradicted by a interview taped on July 15, 2010 in which Ford declares his intention to tear down his bungalow in a few years and build a “nice” house. |
| 32 | 5/2/2012 | Shouts at, then raises his fist and chases Toronto Star reporter Daniel Dale, who is standing on public property, examining the public property Ford is attempting to purchase. Ford succeeds in mugging Dale for his cellphone and tape recorder. |
| 33 | 6/6/2012 | Ford asks council to scrap the bylaw forcing retailers to charge five cents for plastic shopping bags. Council does so, but also spites mayor by voting to scrap the bags entirely as of Jan. 1 (a decision that is later overturned). |
| 34 | 6/18/2012 | Having missed several previous weigh-ins and endured both ridicule from his brother Doug and a viral video showing him being heckled while coming out of a Kentucky Fried Chicket outlet, Ford falls short of his stated goal in his “Cut the Waist” challenge, losing no additional weight in his final weigh-in and then stumbling off the scale and twisting his ankle. |
| 35 | 6/18/2012 | Around this time, a photograph circulates online of a bleary-eyed and dishevelled Ford posing with a bachelorette party. |
| 36 | 6/25/2012 | Ford skips a Pride flag raising ceremony on City Hall’s green roof, immediately outside his office. |
| 37 | 6/27/2012 | Ford has verbal altercation with streetcar driver after allegedly driving past the streetcar’s open front doors. |
| 38 | 7/9/2012 | Ford comments on paying for transit expansion: “I cannot support taxing the taxpayer.” |
| 39 | 8/14/2012 | Photos appear on Twitter showing Ford reading documents while driving on the Gardiner Expressway. Ford admits to reading work documents. |
| 40 | 9/12/2012 | Reports indicate Ford uses city staff and taxpayer-funded cars and cellphones to assist him in his football coaching duties |
| 41 | 9/20/2012 | Ford uses his influence to expedite drainage and road repairs in front of Deco Labels, his family-owned business, in time for its 50th anniversary party. |
| 42 | 11/1/2012 | Ford skips 2½ hours of a council meeting to coach a semifinal football game. Two TTC buses are then diverted to pick up his football team following a post-game brawl, leaving passengers stranded in the rain in rush hour. Ford places a phone call to TTC chief executive officer Andy Byford when the first bus fails to arrive quickly enough. |
| 43 | 11/13/2012 | Ford stands trial for Boardwalk Pub libel case. |
| 44 | 11/13/2012 | Picture of Ford’s Escalade with newly and illegally tinted windows is posted online. |
| 45 | 11/15/2012 | Ford skips out on his own trial early to coach football. |
| 46 | 11/20/2012 | Ford stumbles and falls while demonstrating a football play before television cameras; an animated GIF of the incident goes viral. |
| 47 | 12/12/2012 | Gardiner Expressway revealed to be nearly unsafe for use; it turns out a study on what to do about it was shelved two years ago. |
| 48 | 2/23/2013 | Ford arrives late to the Toronto Garrison Ball, a gala event celebrating the Canadian armed forces, speaking in a rambling, incoherent manner that alarms guests. He is asked to leave because organizers are concerned he is impaired. |
| 49 | 3/5/2013 | Ford continues to solicit donations to his football foundations from lobbyists nearly immediately after the order that he be removed from office for doing the same is overturned. |
| 50 | 3/8/2013 | Ford allegedly propositions and gropes fomer mayoral candidate Sarah Thomson. |
| 51 | 3/8/2013 | Ford’s claims that former Don Bosco football players would be dead or in jail without his coaching are disputed by former Don Bosco football players. |
| 52 | 3/8/2013 | Number of lobbyists registered at City Hall in 2012 is triple the 2010 figure; number of subjects being pushed doubles; allegations of misconduct triples; daily communications between lobbyists and public office holders increases tenfold |
| 53 | 3/22/2013 | Ford gives a rousing pro-casino speech to an audience of orthodox Jews at a religious event. |
| 54 | 3/24/2013 | Rob Ford calls into Closing Arguments with Steven Skurka, a legal affairs radio show on Newstalk 1010, to criticize Richard Kachkar’s legal defence in his trial for the first-degree murder of Sgt. Ryan Russell on the night before the jury is set to deliberate. Ford says Kachkar will walk if he’s found to be not criminally responsible. The panelists cut Ford off repeatedly to explain that he won’t. Concerns are raised that Ford’s comments may result in a mistrial. |
| 55 | 3/27/2013 | Parents from Don Bosco Catholic Secondary School meet to discuss whether they want Ford to continue coaching football there. |
| 56 | 4/1/2013 | Ford pretends to vomit when asked at a press conference about the Metrolinx wish list of taxes and tolls to fund transit. |
| 57 | 4/15/2013 | Ford walks face-first into a television camera. “Ah fuck, man. Holy Christ!” Ford yells, bending over and grabbing his eye. “Holy. Guys have some respect, you just hit me in the face with a camera.” |
| 58 | 4/21/2013 | Ford offers on his radio show to explain to women how politics work, an offer that many women in Toronto regard as patronizing. Councillor Kristyn Wong-Tam co-organizes an event to give an explanation of politics from a woman in politics, and offers to explain to Ford how politics work for women. |
| 59 | 5/6/2013 | Maple Leafs great Johnny Bower receives an ovation when he is shown on the Jumbotron at the team’s first playoff home game in nine years. Cheers turn to boos as Ford jumps into the shot for a handshake, and the camera abruptly cuts away. |
| 60 | 5/14/2013 | Minutes after arriving at a community council meeting debating the controversial Humbertown condo proposal, Ford leaves to join David Price, his director of operations and logistics, in wandering around the parking lot and slapping “Rob Ford: Mayor” fridge magnets on cars. Following a citizen complain about a possible bylaw infraction, Ford is investigated by the city’s municipal licensing and standards department and faces a potential $150 fine. |
| 61 | 5/16/2013 | Gawker publishes a story alleging the existence of a recently-taken video of Ford smoking crack cocaine while making homophobic comments and slurs against minorities. The Toronto Star runs a front-page story corroborating the video’s existence. Ford calls the reports “ridiculous.” |
| 62 | 5/22/2013 | Ford staffers hand out “Rob Ford: Mayor” magnets at the funeral of Toronto Sun founding editor Peter Worthington. When questioned about the allegations of his drug use by reporters as he exits the funeral, Ford tells them, “Have some respect.” |
| 63 | 5/22/2013 | Ford dismissed as head football coach at Don Bosco. Bruce Rodrigues, the Toronto’s Catholic school board’s director of education, states, “This decision was based on what is best for our students, our school and the Don Bosco community.” This marks the second time Ford has been ousted from a volunteer football coaching position amid controversy. |
| 64 | 5/23/2013 | Ford fires chief of staff Mark Twohey after the two butt heads over Ford’s plans to throw a pizza party for the staff and players of his former football team; In a phone conversation on the evening of May 22, Twohey urges Ford not to drag the team and city staff into the situation and repeats advice he has offered several times before: that the mayor go to rehab and deal with his substance-abuse problems. Ford loses his temper and tells Towhey: “If that’s all you’ve got for me, then you might as well leave and don’t come back.” Ford confirms the firing in a face-to-face-meeting the next day, and Twohey is escorted out of City Hall by security. |
May 27, 2013
Rob Ford says it’s ‘business as usual,’ as more staff depart
Press secretaries George Christopoulos and Isaac Ransom quit ‘on principle’.
Categories: 1. Funny Email Forwards, 5. Funny Poster of the Day, Canada, Dumb People, Email Delanteros Humor Interesante, email Forwards, FUNNY EMAILS, Funny Pictures, Great Pictures, Great Posters, Humor, I've learned that..., In the News, Interesting Facts, Politics, Wisdom Tags: facts about Rob Ford, great harper ford cartoon, Rob for drugs, Rob Ford circus, rob ford dumb things, rob ford facts, Rob Ford funny, Rob Ford incidents, Rob Ford jokes, Rob Ford resigns, Ron ford drug puns humor
Grandparents are Funny
Grandparents are funny!
“Grandparents are a delightful blend of laughter,
caring deeds, wonderful stories and love.”
-Author Unknown
The idea that no one is perfect is a view
most commonly held by people with no grandchildren.
~Doug Larson
- Grandparents are a family’s greatest treasure, the founders of a loving legacy, The greatest storytellers, the keepers of traditions that linger on in cherished memory. Grandparents are the family’s strong foundation. Their very special love sets them apart. Through happiness and sorrow, through their special love and caring, grandparents keep a family close at heart. ~author unknown
- Surely, two of the most satisfying experiences in life must be those of being a grandchild or a grandparent. ~Donald A. Norberg
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Grandparents bring about a side that you probably wish that’s how your parents dealt with you while you were a child. Abundance of indulgence and unwavering love. ~ author unknown
- Even young grandparents seem enormously old to a small child, although the child may politely deny it. One small girl, feeling proud of reaching the monumental age of four, turned to her young-looking grandmother and asked, “How come I’m so old if you’re so new?” ~Alison Judson Ryerson
- What is it about grandparents that is so lovely? I’d like to say that grandparents are God’s gifts to children. And if they can but see, hear and feel what these people have to give, they can mature at a fast rate. ~Bill Cosby
- Grandparents are similar to a piece of string – handy to have around and easily wrapped around the fingers of their grandchildren. ~Author Unknown
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My Mother Taught Me!
- My Mother taught me about ‘anticipation.’
“Just wait until your father gets home.”
My Mother taught me to ‘meet a challenge.’
“What were you thinking? Answer me when I talk to you! Don’t talk back to me!”
My Mother taught me ‘logic.’ - “If you fall out off that swing and break your neck, you’re not going to the store with me.”
- You spend a half hour searching for your sunglasses only to have your teenager say, “Mom, why don’t you wear the ones you pushed up on your head?”
- You hear a baby cry in the grocery store, and you start to gently sway back and forth, back and forth. However, your children are at school!
- My mother taught me about ‘hypocrisy.’
“If I told you once, I’ve told you a million times. Don’t exaggerate!”
My mother taught me the ‘circle of Life.’
“I brought you into this world, and I can take you out.” 
My mother taught me about ‘behavior modification.’
“Stop acting like your father!”- For weeks a six-year old lad kept telling his first-grade teacher about the baby brother or sister that was expected at his house.
One day the mother allowed the boy to feel the movements of the unborn child. The six-year old was obviously impressed, but made no comment. Furthermore, he stopped telling his teacher about the impending event.
The teacher finally sat the boy on her lap and said, “Tommy, whatever has become of that baby brother or sister you were expecting at home?”
Tommy burst into tears and confessed, “I think Mommy ate it!” - Mother to daughter advice:
Cook a man a fish and you feed him for a day.
But teach a man to fish and you get rid of him for the whole weekend. - The mother of three notoriously unruly youngsters was asked whether or not she’d have children if she had it to do over again. “Yes,” she replied. “But not the same ones.
Check out the following site for more jokes, stories, free animations and poems about Mother’s Day:
http://mothersdayfunontheweb.blogspot.com/
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Just a Little Heart Attack
Women are so good at multitasking that they just might miss something like a little Hear Attack!
“I know…how can a video about women and heart attacks be funny?
But, somehow they managed to make this one both informative and amusing.
Please watch.”
There’s a lot of talk about inequality between men and women, but one area in particular where women are leading in record numbers: heart disease. It’s the No. 1 killer of women and is more deadly than all forms of cancer.
For more information about Go Red For Women and Heart Disease check out:
http://www.goredforwomen.org/home/about-heart-disease-in-women/
Categories: 1. Funny Email Forwards, 3. Mother's Day, Education, Email Delanteros Humor Interesante, email Forwards, Funny Pictures, Humor, I've learned that..., Interesting Facts, Marriage, Wisdom, Women Tags: go red for women, heart disease women info, mother multitasking, women heart attack
National Weed Day in the USA
HI!
Happy National Weed Day
Growing weed is like watching grass grow…
UPDATE:
MARIJUANA IS FALLING FROM THE SKY
Initiative 502, passed last month by Washington voters, legalized recreational marijuana use starting December 6, but it will take a year before there are rules for growing and selling it.
But a legal haze still engulfed pot smokers Thursday, when possession of up to an ounce of marijuana by adults become legal, though growing and selling it remains a crime.
”So I’m not sure where you’re suppose to get it,” Satterberg said. “If you stumble across some on the street or it falls from the sky, then you can have it. Otherwise, you are part of a criminal chain of distribution.”
Can’t believe we have a National Weed Day?? What a great place to live!
The origins of 420 are a bit cloudy and covered in smoke.
Party On!!!!!
Can anyone
catch 
those damn bugs?
National Weed Day is an informal sub-culture holiday that takes place on April 20th annually, in honor of the marijuana buzz term 420. Also known as ‘National Smoke Day’
Cheba Hut “Toasted” Subs will host what the company is billing as “the nation’s largest commercial celebration of 420, a holiday dedicated to those who enjoy the ‘high’ life of cannabis culture,” according to a news release.
The sandwich chain, which has an Iowa City location at 314 E. Burlington St., is offering a meal deal April 20 — a 4-inch sub, chips and a drink for $4.20. All meals will be served on Frisbees.
All-day festivities are planned at Cheba Hut locations nationally, including live music, ranch dressing and pickle juice chugging contests, Kool-Aid dunk tanks.
For more National Weed Day humor check out:
Weed Day Humor
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Garlic Quotes, Jokes and Funny Pictures
Garlic, besides being an incredible herb, keeps vampires away!
Hope you enjoy these Garlic Quotes, Jokes and Funny pictures.
Did you know that April is
National Garlic Month?
and
April 19, 2013 is National Garlic Day?
Garlic is as good as ten Mothers! ~ proverb
“No one is indifferent to garlic. People either love it or hate it, and most good cooks seem to belong in the first group.” – Faye Levy
You can never have enough garlic. With enough garlic, you can eat The New York Times.
Morley Safer
“Garlick maketh a man wynke, drynke, and stynke.” – Thomas Nash
“Tomatoes and oregano make it Italian; wine and tarragon make it French. Sour cream makes it Russian; lemon and cinnamon make it Greek. Soy sauce makes it Chinese; garlic makes it good.” – Alice May Brock
“Vulgarity is the garlic in the salad of life.” – Cyril Connolly
“Stop and smell the garlic! That’s all you have to do.” – William Shatner
“There’s no doubt that after you eat a lot of garlic, you just kind of feel like you are floating, you feel ultra-confident, you feel capable of going out and whipping your weight in wild cats.” – Les Blank
“Without garlic I simply would not care to live.” – Louis Diat
“There is no such thing as a little garlic.” – Arthur Baer
Q: Have you heard of the garlic diet? A: You don’t lose much weight, but from a distance your friends think you look thinner!
Q: What do cloves use for money? A: Garlic “Bread.”
Q: What kind of socks do you need to plant garlic? A: Garden hose!
Q: Where did the garlic clove go to have a few drinks? A: The Salad Bar!
Two garlic cloves One day two garlic cloves, who were best friends, were walking together down the street. They stepped off the curb and a speeding car came around the corner and ran one of them over. The uninjured garlic clove called 911 and helped his injured friend as best he was able. The injured garlic clove was taken to emergency at the hospital and rushed into surgery. After a long and agonizing wait, the doctor finally appeared. He told the uninjured garlic clove, “I have good news, and I have bad news. The good news is that your friend is going to pull through.” “The bad news is that he’s going to be a vegetable for the rest of his life”.
Doctors Office A guy walks into the doctor’s office. A banana stuck in one of his ears, a garlic clove in the other ear, and a carrot stuck in one nostril. The man says, “Doc, this is terrible. What’s wrong with me?” The doctor says, “Well, first of all, you need to eat more sensibly.”
Math Mistake After a minor mathematical error on a routine report, a worker’s boss tried to belittle him in front of his peers. Angrily she asked, “If you had 4 garlic cloves and I asked for one, how many would you have left?” Quickly he replied, “If it was you who asked, I’d still have 4 garlic cloves.”
Is Garlic Good for You?
Garlic is one of the most valuable and versatile foods on the planet. Garlic belongs to the Allium family of vegetables which also includes onions, chives, shallots and leeks.
Today garlic is a widely recognized health enhancing supplement. Garlic promotes the well-being of the heart and immune systems with antioxidant properties and helps maintain healthy blood circulation. One of garlic’s most potent health benefits includes the ability to enhance the body’s immune cell activity.
Garlic Trivia
Alliumphobia is what the fear of garlic is called.
Garlic only contains 4 calories per clove.
Chicago was named after the American Indian word for the wild garlic that grew around Lake Michigan, chicagaoua.
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