Funny Sayings

3.14 = Pi *** Happy Pi Day

When is Pi day?

March 14 is Pi Day

National Pi Day, a day to celebrate the number that is beloved by math geeks and wizards the world over: 3.14.

— a day to celebrate a number with desserts, numerical recitations and hot-dog throwing.

Pi, the number that expresses the ratio of a circle’s circumference to its diameter, was first calculated in ancient times. Though it’s a number with no endpoint, its digits start with 3.14159. Thus, March 14, or 3/14, for Pi Day.

The first Pi Day was celebrated in 1989 at the San Francisco Exploratorium.

Celebrate Pi Day with a pie!

Q: What do you get when you cut a jack o’lantern by its diameter?

A: Pumpkin Pi!

Q: What do you get when you take green cheese and divide its circumference by its diameter?

A: Moon Pi.

Q:What do you get when you take the sun and divide its circumference by its diameter?

A: Pi in the sky.

Mathematician: “Pi r squared”

Baker:” No! Pies are round, cakes are square!2

Question: What do we get when we take the object and order the rim by the diameter?

Answer: Pi in the sky by and by.

 Pi April Fools Joke

In 1998 the newsletter of New Mexicans for Science and Reasonpublished an article stating the Alabama state legislature has passed a bill which would redefine the mathematical constant of pi as 3.0. According to state legislator Leonard Lee Lawson, the ratio of the circumference of a circle to its diameter was not 3.141592653589793 etc etc, but plain ol’ 3, as verified by the Scriptures.

“The Bible very clearly says in I Kings 7:23 that the altar font of Solomon’s Temple was ten cubits across and thirty cubits in diameter, and that it was round in compass,” Lawson said. He believed it was important to codify pi as a nice round number “to return to some absolutes in our society.”

Because one would assume the journalistic integrity of the New Mexicans for Science and Reason newsletter was beyond reproach, the story was picked up by the Associated Press and spread like locusts.

March 14 is also Albert Einstein’s birthday.

Happy St. Patrick’s Day Cute Quotes and Blessings

Anyone acquainted with Ireland knows

that the morning of St. Patrick’s Day

consists of the night of the seventeenth

of March flavored strongly with

the morning of the eighteenth.  ~Author Unknown

For each petal on the shamrock
This brings a wish your way -
Good health, good luck, and happiness
For today and every day.
~Author Unknown

May your blessings outnumber
The shamrocks that grow,
And may trouble avoid you
Wherever you go.
~Irish Blessing

Funny and Delightful Irish Quotes

Happy

• I always pass on good advice. It is the only thing I ever do with it.  It is never of any use to oneself – Oscar Wilde
• He who can does. He who cannot, teaches – George Bernard Shaw
• Alcohol is a very necessary article.  It enables Parliament to do things at eleven at night that no sane person would do at eleven in the morning – George Bernard Shaw
• Work is the curse of the drinking classes – Oscar Wilde
• [Dancing is] a perpendicular expression of a horizontal desire – George Bernard Shaw
• A man travels the world in search of what he needs and returns home to find it – George Moore
• There is only one thing in the world worse than being talked about, and that is not being talked about – Oscar Wilde
• In Ireland the inevitable never happens and the unexpected constantly occurs – John Pentland Mahaffy
• 

Fun Beer Facts for St. Patrick’s Day

 Where did the expression

“wet your whistle”

come from? 

About 4000 years ago, it was the accepted practice in Babylonia that for a month after the wedding, the bride’s father would supply his son-in-law with all the mead he could drink. Mead is a honey beer, and because their calender was lunar based, this period was called the “honey month” or what we know to day as the “Honey Moon”.

**

Before invention of the thermometer, brewers used to check the temperature by dipping their thumb, to find whether appropriate for adding Yeast. Too hot, the yeast would die. This is where we get the phrase ” The Rule of the Thumb”

**

In English pubs, ale is ordered by pints and quarts. So in old England, when customers got unruly, the bartender used to yell at them to mind their own pints and quarts and settle down. From where we get “mind your own P’s and Q’s”.

**

After consuming a vibrant brew called Aul or Ale, the Vikings would go fearlessly to the battlefield, without their armour, or even their shirts. The “Berserk” means “bear shirt” in norse, and eventually to the meaning of wild battles.

**

Way down in 1740, the Admiral Veron of the British fleet decided to water down the navy’s rum, which naturally, the sailors weren’t pleased with. They nicknamed the Admiral Old Grog, after the still stiff grogram coats he used to wear. The term grog soon began to mean the watered down drink itself. When you are drunk on this  grog, you are “groggy”, a word still in use.

Just a little GROGGY!

Long ago in England, pub frequenters

had a whistle baked into the rim of

their beer mugs or ceremic/glass cups.

The whistle was used to order services.

Thus we get the phrase,

“wet your whistle”.

Funny Irish Blessing For St. Patrick’s Day

Cute Easter Quotes and One Liners

Don’t put all of your eggs in one basket. ~Easter Bunny

I lied on my Weight Watchers list.  I put down that I had 3 eggs… but they were Cadbury chocolate eggs.  ~Caroline Rhea

There’s nothing better than a good friend, except a good friend with CHOCOLATE.” Linda Grayson, “The Pickwick Papers”

Easter says you can put truth in a grave, but it won’t stay there.  ~Clarence W. Hall

An Easter bonnet can tame even the wildest hare. ~Easter Bunny

Those have a short Lent, who owe money to be paid at Easter.  ~Benjamin Franklin

There’s nothing better than a good friend, except a good friend with Chocolate. ~Linda Grayson

Alzheimer’s Advantage: You can hide your own Easter eggs.

Good Idea: Finding Easter eggs on Easter Sunday. 
Bad Idea: Finding Easter eggs at Thanksgiving.

England Football Manager’s Job

What to do after Fabio Capello resigned as

England’s Manager?

From Wikipedia:

The England manager’s job is subject to intense press scrutiny, often including revelations about the incumbent’s private life.^[12][13] Due to the high level of expectation of both the public and media the role has been described as “the impossible job”.

Spurs boss Harry Redknapp is a front runner for the manger’s job. When asked if he thought the FA committee would consider him for the “impossible job”, he said, “Well, England has three options. They can pick me or they can pick someone else!”

**
I don’t know who’s going to get the England manager’s job, but I’d like to be the first to say that he’s useless and should resign.

**
So the new national football manager has to be English with a decent record. How are they going to find anyone that fits that description?

**
Fabio Capello has resigned as England manager. Reminds me of another Italian who left a sinking ship.

Possible candidate:

“I’ll hand out Vuvuzelas before every match and re-introduce oranges at half time.”

**
Justin Bieber rules himself out as the manager. Feels he would be a better basketball coach. He recommends Adele for the job.

**

The teacher asked the students what jobs their parents have. 

Teacher to student: “And what does your dad do?”

Little Johnny: “He’s a stripper in a gay bar.”

After class, the teacher took Little Johnny to one side.

Teacher: “Is that true about your dad?”

Little Johnny: “No, he’s the manger for England but I was too embarassed to say.”

**

The Manager should be someone who can handle the pressure and be able to come up with memorable quotes like the following:

‘If you don’t believe you can win, there is no point in getting out of bed at the end of the day’.  Neville Southall

“Soccer is a simple game its the players that make it complicated” -Willie Watson (Mancheser United)

“Winning doesn’t really matter as long as you win’.  Vinny Jones

‘My parents have been there for me, ever since I was about 7′.  David Beckham

As long as no-one scored, it was always going to be close.

Getting Old -1977 compared to 2012 Interesting and Funny email Forward

WOMEN AND ANGER

MY NEW PHYSICIAN

Q: Doctor, I’ve heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?
A: Heart only good for so many beats, and that it… Don’t waste on exercise. Everything wear out eventually. Speeding up heart not make you live longer; it like saying you extend life of car by driving faster. Want to live longer? Take nap.

Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?

A: Oh no. Wine made from fruit. Brandy distilled wine, that mean they take water out of fruity bit so you get even more of goodness that way. Beer also made of grain. Bottom up! 

Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have body and you have fat, your ratio one to one. If you have two body, your ratio two to one.

Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
A: Can’t think of single one, sorry. My philosophy: No pain…good!

Q: Aren’t fried foods bad for you?
A: YOU NOT LISTENING! Food fried in vegetable oil. How getting more vegetable be bad?

Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?
A: Oh no! When you exercise muscle, it get bigger. You should only be doing sit-up if you want bigger stomach.

Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: You crazy?!? HEL-LO-O!! Cocoa bean! Another vegetable! It best feel-good food around!

Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If swimming good for figure, explain whale to me.

Q: Is getting in shape important for my lifestyle?
A: Hey! ‘Round’ is shape! 

Well… I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.

And remember:
Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well-preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways – Chardonnay in one hand – chocolate in the other – body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming “WOO-HOO, what a ride!!”

AND…..

For those of you who watch what you eat, here’s the final word on nutrition and health. It’s a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting nutritional studies.

1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

3. The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans…

5. The Germans drink a lot of beer and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

CONCLUSION: Eat and drink what you like – speaking English is apparently what kills you.