How children perceive their grandparents and what Children say about their Grandparents!

1. She was in the bathroom, putting on her makeup, under the watchful eyes of her young granddaughter, as she’d done many times before.  After she applied her lipstick and started to leave, the little one said, “But Grandma, you forgot to kiss the toilet paper good-bye!”  I will  probably never put lipstick on again without thinking about kissing the toilet paper good-bye….

2. My young grandson called the other day to wish me Happy Birthday.  He asked me how old I was, and I told him, 62.   My grandson was quiet for a moment, and then he asked,  “Did you start at 1?”

3. After putting her grandchildren to bed, a grandmother changed into old slacks and a droopy blouse and proceeded to wash her hair.  As she heard the children getting more and more rambunctious, her patience grew thin.  Finally, she threw a towel around her head and stormed into their room,  putting them back to bed with stern warnings.  As she left the room, she heard the three-year-old say with a trembling voice,
“Who was THAT?”

4. A grandmother was telling her little granddaughter what her own childhood was like.  “We used to skate outside on a pond.   I had a swing made from a tire; it hung from a tree in our front yard.  We rode our pony.  We picked wild raspberries in the woods.”
The little girl was wide-eyed,  taking this all in.  At last she said, “I sure wish I’d gotten to know you sooner!”

5.  My grandson was visiting one day when he asked, “Grandma, do you know how you and God are alike?” I mentally polished my halo and I said, “No, how are we alike?”  “You’re both old,” he replied.

6. A little girl was diligently pounding away on her grandfather’s word processor. She told him she was writing a story.
“What’s it about?” he asked.
“I don’t know,” she replied. “I can’t read.”

7.  I didn’t know if my granddaughter had learned her colours yet, so I decided to test her.  I would point out something and ask what colour it was.  She would tell me and was always correct..  It was fun for me, so I continued.  At last, she headed for the door, saying, “Grandma, I think you should try to figure out some of these colours yourself!”

8. When my grandson Billy and I entered our vacation cabin, we kept the lights off until we were inside to keep from attracting pesky insects.   Still, a few fireflies followed us in.  Noticing them before I did, Billy whispered, “It’s no use Grandpa.  Now the mosquitoes are coming after us with flashlights.”

9. When my grandson asked me how old I was, I teasingly replied, “I’m not sure.”  “Look in your underwear, Grandpa,” he advised  “Mine says I’m 4 to 6.”

10. A second grader came home from school and said to her grandmother, “Grandma, guess what?  We learned how to make babies today.”  The grandmother, more than a little surprised, tried to keep her cool. “That’s interesting.” she said.  “How do you make babies?”
“It’s simple,” replied the girl. “You just change ‘y’ to ‘i’ and add ‘es’.”

11. Children’s Logic: “Give me a sentence about a public servant,” said a teacher. The small boy wrote:  “The fireman came down the ladder pregnant.”   The teacher took the lad aside to correct him. “Don’t you know what pregnant means?” she asked.
“Sure,” said the young boy confidently. ‘It means carrying a child.”

12. A grandfather was delivering his grandchildren to their home one day when a fire truck zoomed past.  Sitting in the front seat of the fire truck was a Dalmatian dog.  The children started discussing the dog’s duties.
“They use him to keep crowds back,” said one child.
“No,” said another. “He’s just for good luck.”
A third child brought the argument to a close.”They use the dogs,” she said firmly, “to find the fire hydrants.”

13. A 6-year-old was asked where his grandma lived.  “Oh,” he said, “she lives at the airport, and when we want her, we just go get her.  Then, when we’re done having her visit, we take her back to the airport.”

14. Grandpa is the smartest man on earth!  He teaches me good  things, but I don’t get to see him enough to get as smart as him!

15. My Grandparents are funny, when they bend over,  you  hear gas leaks and they blame their dog.

SEND THIS TO OTHER GRANDPARENTS, ALMOST GRANDPARENTS, OR HECK, SEND IT TO EVERYONE.

IT WILL MAKE THEIR DAY!

The Catholic Way

1. Johnny ‘s mother had three children. The first child was named April. The second child was named May. …What was the third child ‘s name? 2. There is a clerk at the butcher shop, he is five feet ten inches tall and he wears size 13 sneakers.…What does he weigh? 3. Before Mt. Everest was discovered, …what was the highest mountain in the world? 4. How much dirt is there in a hole …that measures two feet by three feet by four feet? 5. What word in the English Language …is always spelled incorrectly? 6. Billy was born on December 28th, yet his birthday is always in the summer.….How is this possible? 7. In California , you cannot take a picture of a man with a wooden leg. …Why not? 8. What was the President ‘s Name…in 1975? 9. If you were running a race, …and you passed the person in 2nd place, what place would you be in now? 10. Which is correct to say,… “The yolk of the egg are white” or “The yolk of the egg is white”? 11. If a farmer has 5 haystacks in one field and 4 haystacks in the other field,….how many haystacks would he have if he combined them all in another field? Here are the Answers     1. Johnny ‘s mother had three children. The first child was as named April The second was named May. What was the third child ‘s name? Answer:Johnny of course 2. There is a clerk at the butcher shop, he is five feet ten inches tall, and he wears size 13 sneakers. What does he weigh? Answer: Meat. 3. Before Mt. Everest was discovered, what was the highest mountain in the world? Answer: Mt. Everest; it just wasn ‘t discovered yet. [ You 're not very good at this are you?] 4. How much dirt is there in a hole that measures two feet by three feet by four feet? Answer: There is no dirt in a hole. 5. What word in the English Language is always spelled incorrectly? Answer: Incorrectly 6. Billy was born on December 28th, yet his birthday is always in the summer. How is this possible? Answer: Billy lives in the Southern Hemisphere 7. In California , you cannot take a picture of a man with a wooden leg. Why not? Answer: You can ‘t take pictures with a wooden leg. You need a camera to take pictures. 8. What was the President ‘s Name in 1975? Answer: Same as is it now - Barack Obama [Oh, come on ...] 9. If you were running a race, and you passed the person in 2nd place, what place would you be in now? Answer: You would be in 2nd. Well, you passed the person in second place, not first. 10. Which is correct to say, “The yolk of the egg are white” or “The yolk of the egg is white”? Answer: Neither, the yolk of the egg is yellow [Duh] 11. If a farmer has 5 haystacks in one field and 4 haystacks in the other field, how many haystacks would he have if he combined them all in another field? Answer: One. If he combines all of his haystacks, they all become one big one. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ IMPOSSIBILITIES IN THE WORLD   1) You can’t count your hair. 2) You can’t wash your eyes with soap. 3) You can’t breathe through your nose when your tongue is out. Put your tongue back in your mouth, you silly person. Ten (10) Things I know about you. 1) You are reading this. 2) You are human. 3) You can’t say the letter ”P” without separating your lips. 4) You just attempted to do it. 6) You are laughing at yourself. 7) You have a smile on your face and you skipped No. 5. 8) You just checked to see if there is a No. 5. 9) You laugh at this because you are a fun loving person & everyone does it too. 10) You are probably going to send this to see who else falls for it. You have received this e-mail because I didn’t want to be alone in the idiot category.