How children perceive their grandparents and what Children say about their Grandparents!
1. She was in the bathroom, putting on her makeup, under the watchful eyes of her young granddaughter, as she’d done many times before. After she applied her lipstick and started to leave, the little one said, “But Grandma, you forgot to kiss the toilet paper good-bye!” I will probably never put lipstick on again without thinking about kissing the toilet paper good-bye….
2. My young grandson called the other day to wish me Happy Birthday. He asked me how old I was, and I told him, 62. My grandson was quiet for a moment, and then he asked, “Did you start at 1?”
3. After putting her grandchildren to bed, a grandmother changed into old slacks and a droopy blouse and proceeded to wash her hair. As she heard the children getting more and more rambunctious, her patience grew thin. Finally, she threw a towel around her head and stormed into their room, putting them back to bed with stern warnings. As she left the room, she heard the three-year-old say with a trembling voice,
“Who was THAT?”
4. A grandmother was telling her little granddaughter what her own childhood was like. “We used to skate outside on a pond. I had a swing made from a tire; it hung from a tree in our front yard. We rode our pony. We picked wild raspberries in the woods.”
The little girl was wide-eyed, taking this all in. At last she said, “I sure wish I’d gotten to know you sooner!”
5. My grandson was visiting one day when he asked, “Grandma, do you know how you and God are alike?” I mentally polished my halo and I said, “No, how are we alike?” “You’re both old,” he replied.
6. A little girl was diligently pounding away on her grandfather’s word processor. She told him she was writing a story.
“What’s it about?” he asked.
“I don’t know,” she replied. “I can’t read.”
7. I didn’t know if my granddaughter had learned her colours yet, so I decided to test her. I would point out something and ask what colour it was. She would tell me and was always correct.. It was fun for me, so I continued. At last, she headed for the door, saying, “Grandma, I think you should try to figure out some of these colours yourself!”
8. When my grandson Billy and I entered our vacation cabin, we kept the lights off until we were inside to keep from attracting pesky insects. Still, a few fireflies followed us in. Noticing them before I did, Billy whispered, “It’s no use Grandpa. Now the mosquitoes are coming after us with flashlights.”
9. When my grandson asked me how old I was, I teasingly replied, “I’m not sure.” “Look in your underwear, Grandpa,” he advised “Mine says I’m 4 to 6.”
10. A second grader came home from school and said to her grandmother, “Grandma, guess what? We learned how to make babies today.” The grandmother, more than a little surprised, tried to keep her cool. “That’s interesting.” she said. “How do you make babies?”
“It’s simple,” replied the girl. “You just change ‘y’ to ‘i’ and add ‘es’.”
11. Children’s Logic: “Give me a sentence about a public servant,” said a teacher. The small boy wrote: “The fireman came down the ladder pregnant.” The teacher took the lad aside to correct him. “Don’t you know what pregnant means?” she asked.
“Sure,” said the young boy confidently. ‘It means carrying a child.”
12. A grandfather was delivering his grandchildren to their home one day when a fire truck zoomed past. Sitting in the front seat of the fire truck was a Dalmatian dog. The children started discussing the dog’s duties.
“They use him to keep crowds back,” said one child.
“No,” said another. “He’s just for good luck.”
A third child brought the argument to a close.”They use the dogs,” she said firmly, “to find the fire hydrants.”
13. A 6-year-old was asked where his grandma lived. “Oh,” he said, “she lives at the airport, and when we want her, we just go get her. Then, when we’re done having her visit, we take her back to the airport.”
14. Grandpa is the smartest man on earth! He teaches me good things, but I don’t get to see him enough to get as smart as him!
15. My Grandparents are funny, when they bend over, you hear gas leaks and they blame their dog.
SEND THIS TO OTHER GRANDPARENTS, ALMOST GRANDPARENTS, OR HECK, SEND IT TO EVERYONE.
IT WILL MAKE THEIR DAY!
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The Catholic Way
THIS MAY COME AS A SURPRISE TO THOSE OF YOU NOT LIVING IN AS VEGAS, BUT THERE ARE MORE CATHOLIC CHURCHES THAN CASINOS.
NOT SURPRISINGLY, SOME WORSHIPERS AT SUNDAY SERVICES WILL GIVE CASINO CHIPS RATHER THAN CASH WHEN THE BASKET IS PASSED.
SINCE THEY GET CHIPS FROM MANY DIFFERENT CASINOS, THE CHURCHES HAVE DEVISED A METHOD TO COLLECT THE OFFERINGS.
THE CHURCHES SEND ALL THEIR COLLECTED CHIPS TO A NEARBY FRANCISCAN MONASTERY FOR SORTING AND THEN THE CHIPS ARE TAKEN TO THE CASINOS OF ORIGIN AND CASHED IN.
THIS IS DONE BY THE CHIP MONKS.
YOU DIDN’T EVEN SEE IT COMING DID YOU? –
Its so easy to fool old Folks!!!
Now it’s your turn to tag someone else!
Have a great day !!!
The Pope goes to New York. He is picked up at the airport by a limousine. He looks at the beautiful car and says to the driver, “You know, I hardly ever get to drive. Would you please let me?”
The driver is understandably hesistant and says, “I’m sorry, but I don’t think I’m supposed to do that.”
But the Pope persists, “Please?” The driver finally lets up. “Oh, all right, I can’t really say no to the Pope.”
So the Pope takes the wheel, and boy, is he a speed demon! He hits the gas and goes around 100 mph in a 45 zone. A policeman notices and pulls him over.
The cop walks up and asks the Pope to roll down the window. Startled and surprised, the young officer asks the Pope to wait a minute. He goes back to his patrol car and radios the chief.
Cop: Chief, I have a problem.
Chief: What sort of problem?
Cop: Well, you see, I pulled over this guy for driving way over the speed limit but it’s someone really important.
Chief: Important like the mayor?
Cop: No, no, much more important than that.
Chief: Important like the governor?
Cop: Wayyyyyy more important than that.
Chief: Like the president?
Chief: Who’s more important than the president?
Cop: I don’t know, but he’s got the Pope driving for him!
For another cute and funny email forward
about religion and the Catholic Church, check out:
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Something to keep those grey cells active!
1. Johnny ‘s mother had three children. The first child was named April. The second child was named May.
…What was the third child ‘s name?
2. There is a clerk at the butcher shop, he is five feet ten inches tall and he wears size 13 sneakers.…What does he weigh?
3. Before Mt. Everest was discovered, …what was the highest mountain in the world?
4. How much dirt is there in a hole …that measures two feet by three feet by four feet?
5. What word in the English Language …is always spelled incorrectly?
6. Billy was born on December 28th, yet his birthday is always in the summer.….How is this possible?
7. In California , you cannot take a picture of a man with a wooden leg. …Why not?
8. What was the President ‘s Name…in 1975?
9. If you were running a race, …and you passed the person in 2nd place, what place would you be in now?
10. Which is correct to say,… “The yolk of the egg are white” or “The yolk of the egg is white”?
11. If a farmer has 5 haystacks in one field and 4 haystacks in the other field,….how many haystacks would he have if he combined them all in another field?
Here are the Answers
1. Johnny ‘s mother had three children. The first child was as named April The second was named May. What was the third child ‘s name?
Answer:Johnny of course
2. There is a clerk at the butcher shop, he is five feet ten inches tall, and he wears size 13 sneakers. What does he weigh?
3. Before Mt. Everest was discovered, what was the highest mountain in the world?
Answer: Mt. Everest; it just wasn ‘t discovered yet. [ You 're not very good at this are you?]
4. How much dirt is there in a hole that measures two feet by three feet by four feet?
Answer: There is no dirt in a hole.
5. What word in the English Language is always spelled incorrectly?
6. Billy was born on December 28th, yet his birthday is always in the summer. How is this possible?
Answer: Billy lives in the Southern Hemisphere
7. In California , you cannot take a picture of a man with a wooden leg. Why not?
Answer: You can ‘t take pictures with a wooden leg. You need a camera to take pictures.
8. What was the President ‘s Name in 1975?
Answer: Same as is it now - Barack Obama [Oh, come on ...]
9. If you were running a race, and you passed the person in 2nd place, what place would you be in now?
Answer: You would be in 2nd. Well, you passed the person in second place, not first.
10. Which is correct to say, “The yolk of the egg are white” or “The yolk of the egg is white”?
Answer: Neither, the yolk of the egg is yellow [Duh]
11. If a farmer has 5 haystacks in one field and 4 haystacks in the other field, how many haystacks would he have if he combined them all in another field?
Answer: One. If he combines all of his haystacks, they all become one big one.
IMPOSSIBILITIES IN THE WORLD
1) You can’t count your hair.
2) You can’t wash your eyes with soap.
3) You can’t breathe through your nose when your tongue is out.
Put your tongue back in your mouth, you silly person.
Ten (10) Things I know about you.
1) You are reading this.
2) You are human.
3) You can’t say the letter ”P” without separating your lips.
4) You just attempted to do it.
6) You are laughing at yourself.
7) You have a smile on your face and you skipped No. 5.
8) You just checked to see if there is a No. 5.
9) You laugh at this because you are a fun loving person & everyone does it too.
10) You are probably going to send this to see who else falls for it.
You have received this e-mail because I didn’t want to be alone in the idiot category.
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I wonder if Romance and Old Age will really be like this?
An older couple were lying in bed. The husband was falling asleep but the wife was in a romantic mood, and she wanted to talk.
She said: “You used to hold my hand when we were courting.”
Wearily he reached across, held her hand for a second and tried to get back to sleep.
A few moments later she said: “Then you used to kiss me.”
Mildly irritated, he reached across, gave her a peck on the cheek and settled down to sleep.
Thirty seconds later she said: “Then you used to bite my neck.”
Angrily, he threw back the bed clothes and got out of bed. “Where are you going?” she asked.
“To get my teeth!”
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I rapidly realized - It’s the tortoise life for me!
1. If walking/cycling is good for your health, the postman would be immortal.
2. A whale swims all day, only eats fish, drinks water, and is fat.
3. A rabbit runs and hops and only lives 15 years.
4. A tortoise doesn’t run and does nothing, yet it lives for 450 years.
And you tell me to exercise?? I don’t think so.
I’m retired. Go around me!
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I am a new Grandparent.
Always thought I would be a wonderful Grandparent and enjoy spoiling my Grandkids.
I believe it’s our right to spoil our Grandkids.
Grandparents seem to have an innate desire to protect, love and spoil.
Spoiling Grandchildren is as natural as breathing.
It’s beyond our control!
But, how am I going to compete with this?
Grandparents Steve and Jeri Wakefield of Dallas
wanted to give their two grandsons the treehouse of their dreams.
And they did!
It’s one thing to be spoiled and another to be spoiled rotten!
That’s my excuse and I’m sticking to it!
My attempt above.
Hope my grandkids never google ~ best tree forts!!!!
‘You don’t spoil your grandchildren do you? A:’Not this morning, I haven’t seen them yet.’
What children need most are the essentials that grandparents provide in abundance. They give unconditional love, kindness, patience, humor, comfort, lessons in life. And, most importantly, cookies. ~Rudolph Giuliani
I always give my grandkids a couple of quarters when they go home. It’s a bargain. ~Gene Perret
When grandparents enter the door, discipline flies out the window. ~Ogden Nash
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What a Remarkable Senior!
As we get older we sometimes begin to doubt our ability to “make a difference” in the world. It is at these times that our hopes are boosted by the remarkable achievements of other “seniors” who have found the courage to take on challenges that would make many of us wither.
Harold Schlumberg is such a person:
“I’ve often been asked, ‘What do you do now that you’re retired?’
Well…I’m fortunate to have a chemical engineering background and one of the things I enjoy most is converting beer, wine and whisky into urine. It’s rewarding, uplifting, satisfying and fulfilling. I do it every day and I really enjoy it.”
Harold is an inspiration to us all.
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Happy National Weed Day
MARIJUANA IS FALLING FROM THE SKY
Initiative 502, passed last month by Washington voters, legalized recreational marijuana use starting December 6, but it will take a year before there are rules for growing and selling it.
But a legal haze still engulfed pot smokers Thursday, when possession of up to an ounce of marijuana by adults become legal, though growing and selling it remains a crime.
”So I’m not sure where you’re suppose to get it,” Satterberg said. “If you stumble across some on the street or it falls from the sky, then you can have it. Otherwise, you are part of a criminal chain of distribution.”
Can’t believe we have a National Weed Day?? What a great place to live!
The origins of 420 are a bit cloudy and covered in smoke.
National Weed Day is an informal sub-culture holiday that takes place on April 20th annually, in honor of the marijuana buzz term 420. Also known as ‘National Smoke Day’
Cheba Hut “Toasted” Subs will host what the company is billing as “the nation’s largest commercial celebration of 420, a holiday dedicated to those who enjoy the ‘high’ life of cannabis culture,” according to a news release.
The sandwich chain, which has an Iowa City location at 314 E. Burlington St., is offering a meal deal April 20 — a 4-inch sub, chips and a drink for $4.20. All meals will be served on Frisbees.
All-day festivities are planned at Cheba Hut locations nationally, including live music, ranch dressing and pickle juice chugging contests, Kool-Aid dunk tanks.
For more National Weed Day humor check out:
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Five Lessons to Be Learned From Aging
“Aging” – “Take every birthday with a grain of salt. This works much better if the salt accompanies a large margarita.”
1. Things really can Get Better with Age
“By the time you’re eighty years old you’ve learned everything. You only have to remember it.” – Bill Vaughan
2. Never Underestimate the Power of Change
Being a Grandparent is a life changing experience, and you can make your own House Rules!
3. Look Good Feel Good
4. Attitude Is So Important
“So many people spend their health gaining wealth, and then have to spend their wealth to regain their health.” ~ A.J.Materi
Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves for they shall never cease to be amused.
Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming… ‘Wow! What a ride!’
“Growing old is compulsory – growing up is optional.” – Bob Monkhouse
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