The Worst Analogies
Ever Written in Essays
They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan’s teeth.
He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.
She caught your eye like one of those pointy hook latches that used to dangle from screen doors and would fly up whenever you banged the door open again.
The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn’t.
McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty Bag filled with vegetable soup.
From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you’re on vacation in another city and “Jeopardy” comes on at 7 p.m. instead of 7:30.
Her hair glistened in the rain like nose hair after a sneeze.
Her eyes were like two brown circles with big black dots in the center.
Bob was as perplexed as a hacker who means to access T:flw.quid55328.com\aaakk/ch@ung but gets T:\flw.quidaaakk/ch@ung by mistake.
He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree.
The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.
Her date was pleasant enough, but she knew that if her life was a movie this guy would be buried in the credits as something like “Second Tall Man.”
Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.
The politician was gone but unnoticed, like the period after the Dr. on a Dr Pepper can.
John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.
The thunder was ominous-sounding, much like the sound of a thin sheet of metal being shaken backstage during the storm scene in a play.
His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.
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Continue reading about Why Teachers Drink – Worst Analogies Ever – Back to School
Keep the school tidy; throw your rubbish out of the windows.
Our teacher’s a peach; she’s got a heart of stone!
Our teacher’s a treasure; we wonder where she was dug up!
Our geography teacher is so bad he got lost showing some parents around the school.
I like teachers when they’re at home!
Don’t be late for school in the morning; stay in bed until the afternoon.
Teacher is an anagram of cheater.
My teacher used to be a werewolf; but she’s howl right now.
The rain in Spain falls mainly on the plain; but over here it always falls on the school holidays!
I’m teacher’s pet; she can’t afford a dog.
Teachers are very special; they’re in a class of their own.
A bird in the hand – can make a terrible mess.
Little Johnny: I didn’t write that stuff. I can’t even read yet!
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Continue reading about Little Johnny’s Thoughts about his First Day Back at School
I’m not going to vacuum until Sears makes one you can ride on.
~Roseanne Barr~
Sounds just like Maxine!
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Thirty-five is when you finally get your head together and your body starts falling apart.
~ Caryn Leschen ~
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Remember this motto to live by: Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, wine in the other, totally worn out and screaming ‘WOOO HOOOOO what a ride!’
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Thought this was great!
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My wife asked, “How do you like the new Bumper Sticker that I put on our car?”
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and that’s when the fight started!
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Continue reading about Bumper Sticker, Marriage and that’s when the fight started
