Nobody can make you feel inferior without your permission.
~Eleanor Roosevelt~
Liked the advice and the cute animation!
funny emails
Remember this motto to live by: Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, wine in the other, totally worn out and screaming ‘WOOO HOOOOO what a ride!’
funny emails
When life hands you lemons, ask for tequila and salt and call me over!!
Any other suggestions, please use the comment section below!
funny emails
I refuse to think of them as chin hair. I think of them as stray eyebrows.
~ Janette Barber~
funny emails
The hardest years in life are those between ten and seventy.
~ Helen Hayes (at 73)~ 
*******
Marvin says,”They don’t know what they are talking about!
Just look at me!”
funny emails
Continue reading about If you love something, set it free -Parody
(Could be controversial! I don’t agree with most of this, however, some parts seem to be partially true. Let me know what you think.)
Leave it to Maxine to come up with a solution
For the economic mess that America is now in and Canada too??
I bought a bird feeder. I hung
It on my back porch and filled
It with seed. What a beauty of
A bird feeder it was, as I filled it
lovingly with seed. Within a
Week we had hundreds of birds
Taking advantage of the
Continuous flow of free and
Easily accessible food.
But then the birds started
Building nests in the boards
Of the patio, above the table,
And next to the barbecue.
Then came the poop. It was
Everywhere: on the patio tile,
The chairs, the table ..
Everywhere!
Then some of the birds
Turned mean. They would
Dive bomb me and try to
Peck me even though I had
Fed them out of my own
Pocket.
And other birds were
Boisterous and loud. They
Sat on the feeder and
Squawked and screamed at
All hours of the day and night
And demanded that I fill it
When it got low on food.
After a while, I couldn’t even
Sit on my own back porch
Anymore. So I took down the
Bird feeder and in three days
The birds were gone. I cleaned
Up their mess and took down
The many nests they had built
All over the patio.
Soon, the back yard was like
It used to be …. Quiet, serene….
And no one demanding their
Rights to a free meal.
Now let’s see.
Our government gives out
Free food, subsidized housing,
Free medical care and free
Education, and allows anyone
Born here to be an automatic
Citizen.
Then the illegals came by the
Tens of thousands. Suddenly
Our taxes went up to pay for
Free services; small apartments
Are housing 5 families; you
Have to wait 6 hours to be seen
By an emergency room doctor;
Your child’s second grade class is
Behind other schools because
Over half the class doesn’t speak
English.
Corn Flakes now come in a
Bilingual box; I have to
‘press one ‘ to hear my bank
Talk to me in English, and
People waving flags other
Than ‘The Maple Leaf’ are
Squawking and screaming
In the streets, demanding
More rights and free liberties.
Just my opinion, but maybe
it’s time for the government
To take down the bird feeder.
If you agree, pass it on; if not,
Just continue cleaning up the poop .
1. Gosh, er, I won’t be coming into work today. See, there was this Wild Turkey running about the house and he and some guy named Jim Beam kept taunting me. Then Old Grand Dad showed up. Well, by the time Jack Daniels came in, I really needed a bucket. So, er, who’s this again?
2. You need to call in and say that you are having trouble with your eyes, and when your boss asks what is wrong tell them that you just can’t see yourself coming in to work!
3. Hurt my back! MTV was running a Spice- girls marathon, and I had to lift my T.V. and throw it out of the window all by myself.
4. I wanted to come in but I had a severe case of Chronic Gravitational Disorder… couldn’t get my ass out of bed.
5. This one can only be used for not showing up or calling off on a Monday. I forgot to carry in the Sunday paper, so when I saw the paper there, I thought it was Sunday. By the time I realized it was Monday, it was too late, so I stayed home.
6. Call in and say that your Gonasyphaherpalaids is acting up and you can’t come in!
7. “Man, I TOLD my wife the chicken looked undercooked!”
8. Personal reasons. (Said in a concerned tone of voice – discourages any further questions, assuming your boss has even a grain of emotion.)
9. “I need a month off while I serve a 30 day sentence.”
10. Tell ‘em you have a temperature. (What employers and teachers don’t realize is that everyone has a temperature). Not a lie!!!
11. Maybe the best excuse ever:
“My suit got misplaced at the cleaners and you wouldn’t want me to come to work in the nude, would you?”
Honestly:
The major mistake people make when calling in is giving to much info. That is what gets them in trouble. Just call in and say you are not feeling well. There is no need to go into any more detail than that. No need to try and sound sick. Do not sound uncertain and do not say you will try to make it in later. Trust me Keep is short and simple. There is nothing they can do about it but give you a point on whatever system they use to track absent employees and it is almost impossible to get caught in a lie with a simple “I do not feel well”.
funny emails, jokes
Continue reading about 11 Funny and Clever Excuses for Not Going to Work.
I’m always amazed at Research Projects that study things that most of us already know!
(Do you have any examples? Please tell us about them in the comment section below.)
A recent study on the Effects of music tempo upon submaximal cycling performance demonstrated the following:
Healthy individuals performing submaximal exercise not only worked harder with faster music but also chose to do so and enjoyed the music more when it was played at a faster tempo.
As the researchers wrote, when “the music was played faster, the participants chose to accept, and even prefer, a greater degree of effort.”
And that result, obvious as it seems, may be the ultimate lesson of how and why music is effective and desirable during exercise, says Nina Kraus, a professor of neurobiology at Northwestern University in Illinois, who studies the effects of music on the nervous system. “Humans and songbirds” are the only creatures “that automatically feel the beat” of a song, she said. The human heart wants to synchronize to music, the legs want to swing, metronomically, to a beat. So the next time you go for a moderate run or bike ride, first increase the tempo of some insidiously catchy Lady Gaga downloads (or Justin Bieber or Katy Perry or whatever reflects the current popular taste in your household), and load them on your iPod. “Our bodies,” Dr. Kraus concluded, “are made to be moved by music and move to it.”
The next study should deal with how to motivate people, like Maxine, to start and maintain an exercise program.
New Alphabet :
A is for apple, and B is for boat, That used to be right, but now it won’t float! Age before beauty is what we once said, But let’s be a bit more realistic instead.
Now The
Alphabet:
A’s for arthritis; B’s the bad back, C’s the chest pains,perhaps car-d-iac?
D is for dental decay and decline, E is for eyesight, can’t read that top line! F is for fissures and fluid retention, G is for gas which I’d rather not mention.
H high blood pressure–I’d rather it low; I for incisions with scars you can show. J is for joints, out of socket, won’t mend, K is for knees that crack when they bend. L ‘s for libido, what happened to s? M is for memory, I forget what comes next. N is neuralgia, in nerves way down low; O is for osteo, bones that don’t grow!
P for prescriptions, I have quite a few, just give me a pill and I’ll be good as new! Qis for queasy, is it fatal or flu? R is for reflux, one meal turns to two.
S is for sleepless nights, counting my fears, T is for Tinnitus; bells in my ears! U is for urinary; troubles with flow; V for vertigo, that’s ‘dizzy,’ you know.
W for worry, now what’s going ’round? X is for X ray, and what might be found. Yfor another year I’m left here behind, Z is for zest I still have– in my mind!
I’ve survived all the symptoms, my body’s deployed, and I’m keeping twenty-six doctors fully employed!
