The Old Man and the Talking Frog
An 86 year old fisherman was sitting in his boat one day when he heard a voice say, ‘Pick me up.’ He looked around and couldn’t see any one. He thought he was dreaming when he heard the voice say again,‘Pick me up.’ He looked in the water and there, floating on the top, was a frog. The man said, ‘Are you talking to me?’ The frog said, ‘Yes, I’m talking to you. Pick me up. Then, kiss me and I’ll turn into the most beautiful woman you have ever seen. I’ll make sure that all your friends are envious and jealous because you will have me as your bride.’ The old fisherman looked at the frog for a short time, reached over, picked it up carefully, and placed it in his front breast pocket. Then the frog said, ‘What are you nuts? Didn’t you hear what I said? I said kiss me and I will be your beautiful bride.’ He opened his pocket, looked at the frog and said, ‘Nah, at my age I’d rather have a talking frog.’
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Easter Monday Humor
The Easter Bunny must be eggs-austed!
Holy Humor Week
Risus Paschalis ~ The Easter Laughter
On Easter Monday, there was a tradition in some countries where people would gather after church and tell jokes.
At the end of the Easter church service, the Easter Mass, the priest would leave the altar and come down among the people and lead the congregation in what was called the “Risus Paschalis” which means “the Easter laughter.” The priest would tell funny stories and sing comical songs.
Here are a few (corny) jokes and one liners for Easter Monday
When one breeds an angora rabbit with an Easter Bunny is that a cross Hair?
Q. What’s invisible and smells like carrots?
A. The Ether Bunny
Q: How do bunnies stay healthy?
A: Eggercise
Q: What do you get when you cross a chicken and the Easter Bunny?
A: A good Easter.
Q: What do you call Easter when you are hopping around?
A: Hoppy Easter!
Q: What do you get when you find a rabbit with no hair?
A: A hairless hare!
Q: Why are people always tired in April?
A: Because they just finished a march
Mechanic to customer: “I couldn’t fix your breaks, so I made your horn louder.”
Some people are born on third base and go through life thinking they hit a triple.
Sign over the scale in a doctor’s office: “Pretend it’s your IQ.”
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The Perfect Couple and the Easter Bunny
Once upon a time there was a Perfect Man and a Perfect woman.
After a perfect courtship they had a perfect wedding.
Their life together was, of course, perfect.
One rainy Easter weekend, they were driving their
perfect car along a winding road
when they noticed someone on the side of the road in distress.
Being the perfect couple they stopped to help.
To their surprise, there stood the Easter Bunny with his huge basket of Easter Eggs.
Not wanting to disappoint any children at Easter time,
the perfect couple loaded the Easter Bunny and eggs into their car.
Unfortunately, the thunderstorm got worse
and the perfect couple and the Easter Bunny were in an accident.
Only one of them survived the accident.
Question: Who was the survivor?
The perfect woman survived the crash.
She’s the only one who existed in the first place.
Everyone knows that the Easter Bunny isn’t real and there has never been a Perfect Husband.
Women stop reading now.
Men continue reading below.
So, if there was no Perfect Man and no Easter Bunny,
the woman must have been driving!
This explains why there was a car accident.
Men, continue reading below.
By the way, if you’re a woman and you are still reading,
this illustrates another point.
Some women never listen or follow directions!
Easter and Your Imagination
Personally, I would sooner have written Alice in Wonderland than the whole Encyclopedia Britannica. ~Stephen Leacock
Perhaps imagination is only intelligence having fun. ~George Scialabba
If you see the magic in a fairy tale, you can face the future. ~Danielle Steel
The hardest thing about reality is returning to it after an hour inside your child’s mind. ~Robert Brault
I believe in the imagination. What I cannot see is infinitely more important than what I can see. ~Duane Michals, Real Dreams
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Best Definitions and Examples of Gullible or Gullibility
Everyone who has read this post, has it liked it so much, that they shared it with Google+, Pinterest, Stumbleupon, Twitter, Facebook, Reddit, Posterous, and every other place for sharing they could think of.
REALLY!
************
They told me I was gullible, and I believed them.
gul·li·ble
[guhl-uh-buhl]
adjective
easily deceived or cheated.
Also, gul·la·ble.
Origin:
1815–25; gull + ible
Related forms
gul·li·bil·i·ty, noun
gul·li·bly, adverb
Synonyms
credulous, trusting, naive, innocent, simple, green.
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A man is his own easiest dupe, for what he wishes to be true he generally believes to be true. Demosthenes |
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We are inclined to believe those whom we do not know because they have never deceived us. Samuel Johnson |
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Tests For Gullibility:
1.
A popular test of gullibility is to tell a friend that the word gullible isn’t in the dictionary.
2.
Look! Gullible’s written on the ceiling!
3.
IF you say the word gullible really slowly, it sounds like chicken!Person2: Say gullible really slowly, it sounds like chickenPerson1: guh-lih-bullPerson2: hear it?Person1: no.. guh-lih-bull |
4.
Tell someone you have a great knock-knock joke. She says ok, you say, ” Ok, you start it.” she’ll say, knock-knock? You say Who’s there?
5.
I’ve been hearing this “joke” that goes “if you say ‘gullible’ VERY slowly, it will sound like green beans.” I know I’m stupid, so someone PLEASE explain the joke to me. I’m getting frustrated! Not stupid or frustrated, just plain GULLIBLE!
6.
(A customer has used the store’s emergency exit, setting off the alarms. A husband and wife walk up to my cheese display while the alarms sound.)
Wife: ”What’s that sound!?”
Me: “Oh, that’s just the employee alarm.”
Wife: “Employee alarm?”
Me: “Yes, it tells the managers that one of the employees tried to escape the building, so they can retrieve them.”
Husband: *chuckles*
Wife: *serious, eyes wide* “Oh, that’s awful!”
Me: “Don’t worry, by now they have already sedated them and locked them back in the closet with the rest of the off-duty employees.”
Wife: “They lock up the employees?!”
Me: “Only when they are not being used. It stops them from being late to work, you see.”
Wife: ”Some one needs to do something to help these poor–”
Husband: ”Dear, he is joking. That was a door alarm.”
Wife: “Oh…are you sure?”
Husband: “Yes.”
Wife: *looks relieved and walks away*
How Gullible Are We?
A freshman at Eagle Rock Junior High won first prize at the Greater Idaho Falls Science Fair on January 26. He was attempting to show how conditioned we have become to the alarmists practicing junk science and spreading fear of everything in our environment.
In his project he urged people to sign a petition demanding strict control or total elimination of the chemical “dihydrogen monoxide.” And for plenty of good reasons, since it can:
1. cause excessive sweating and vomiting
2. it is a major component in acid rain
3. it can cause severe burns in its gaseous state
4. accidental inhalation can kill you
5. it contributes to erosion
6. it decreases effectiveness of automobile brakes
7. it has been found in tumors of terminal cancer patients
He asked 150 people if they supported a ban of the chemical.
One hundred forty-three said yes, six were undecided, and only one knew that the chemical was……Water!
The title of his prize winning project was, “How Gullible Are We?”
**
My Gullible Sister
One year at Thanksgiving my mom went to my sister’s house for the traditional feast. Knowing how gullible my sister was, mom decided to play a trick. She told my sister that she needed something from the store and sent her for it.
While she was gone, my mom took the turkey out of the oven, unstuffed it, restuffed it with a Cornish game hen, put stuffing back over the top of it, and put it back in the oven.
When it came time for dinner, my sister pulled the turkey out of the oven and proceeded to remove the stuffing. When her serving spoon hit something, she reached in and pulled out this little bird.
With a look of total shock on her face, my mother exclaimed, “Patricia, you killed a pregnant bird!”
At the reality of this horrifying news, my sister started to cry.
It took my mother two hours to convince her that turkeys lay eggs.
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Easter Chocolate is Good For You
New Study reveals
that chocolate
and
exercise
is good for you
~
It can help you stay thinner!
Should make for the best Easter ever!
Eat an Easter egg before each meal.
It’ll take the edge off your appetite, and that way you’ll eat less.
Chocolate has many preservatives. Preservatives make you look younger.
“There’s nothing better than a good friend, except a good friend with CHOCOLATE.” Linda Grayson, “The Pickwick Papers”
Why is there no such organization as Chocoholics Anonymous?
Because no one wants to quit.
THE 12-STEP CHOCOHOLICS PROGRAM: NEVER BE MORE THAN 12 STEPS AWAY FROM CHOCOLATE!
Put “eat chocolate” at the top of your list of things to do today. That way, at least you’ll get one thing done.
Good Idea: Finding Easter eggs on Easter Sunday.
Bad Idea: Finding Easter eggs at Thanksgiving.
Chocolate Rabbit
I got a chocolate rabbit
For an Easter treat,
A great big chocolate rabbit
Good enough to eat.
So I ate his ears on Sunday,
His nose I finished Monday.
Tuesday I nibbled on his feet.
I ate his tail on Wednesday
Thursday I kept on,
By Friday he was going,
Saturday he was gone.
Oh, I loved my chocolate rabbit
From the moment that he came,
And if I get another one,
I’ll love him just the same.
We love you, Easter Bunny!
Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: You crazy?!? HEL-LO-O!! Cocoa bean! Another vegetable! It best feel-good food around!
NEW RESEARCH SUGGESTS THAT IT IS BEST TO EAT CHOCOLATE IN THE MORNING.
If it ain’t chocolate, it ain’t breakfast!
HAPPY EASTER
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Newt Gingrich Prays For Win
Newt was very depressed because he hadn’t being doing very well in the GOP primaries for quite some time. He was no where near the 1,144 delegates needed to secure the Republican Party nomination. In fact, his popularity was so low, he was considering dropping out and supporting someone else. (whoever would give him the best political appointment).
It would take a miracle for him to get back in the running.
So he turned to heaven and prayed. “Lord, take pity on me. If you let me be successful in the next Primary, and help me get back in the race, I’ll give half my fortune to charity and stay faithful to my wife for the rest of my life.”
Miraculously, during the next Primary election, Newt was the very clear winner.
He looked up again and said to God, ‘Never mind, I did it myself.’
Take that!
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Happy Mothering Sunday March 18, 2012
-
Mother’s Day (in many countries)
is Mothering Day or Mothering Sunday
in the United Kingdom
Mother’s Day Google doodle.Google celebrates Mother’s Day with a doodle that depicts the childish scrawls that many Mother’s will wake up to on Mothering Sunday.
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My Mother taught me about ‘anticipation.’“Just wait until your father gets home.”
- My Mother taught me to ‘meet a challenge.’
“What were you thinking? Answer me when I talk to you! Don’t talk back to me!” - My Mother taught me ‘logic.’
- “If you fall out off that swing and break your neck, you’re not going to the store with me.”
- You spend a half hour searching for your sunglasses only to have your teenager say, “Mom, why don’t you wear the ones you pushed up on your head?”
- You hear a baby cry in the grocery store, and you start to gently sway back and forth, back and forth. However, your children are at school!
- My mother taught me about ‘hypocrisy.’
“If I told you once, I’ve told you a million times. Don’t exaggerate!” - My mother taught me the ‘circle of Life.’
“I brought you into this world, and I can take you out.” - My mother taught me about ‘behavior modification.’
“Stop acting like your father!” - For weeks a six-year old lad kept telling his first-grade teacher about the baby brother or sister that was expected at his house.
One day the mother allowed the boy to feel the movements of the unborn child. The six-year old was obviously impressed, but made no comment. Furthermore, he stopped telling his teacher about the impending event.
The teacher finally sat the boy on her lap and said, “Tommy, whatever has become of that baby brother or sister you were expecting at home?”
Tommy burst into tears and confessed, “I think Mommy ate it!” - Mother to daughter advice:
Cook a man a fish and you feed him for a day.
But teach a man to fish and you get rid of him for the whole weekend. - The mother of three notoriously unruly youngsters was asked whether or not she’d have children if she had it to do over again. “Yes,” she replied. “But not the same ones.”
Enjoy the Simnel Cake
The cake is made with 11 balls of marzipan icing on top representing the 11 disciples. (Judas is not included.) Traditionally, sugar violets would also be added.
Why Simnel?
The name Simnel probably comes from the Latin word similawhich means a fine wheat flour usually used for baking a cake.
There’s a legend that a man called Simon and his wife Nell argued over whether the cake for Mothering Sunday should be baked or boiled. In the end they did both, so the cake was named after both of them: SIM-NELL.
The Simnel Cake signifies the end of Lent which is a period of fasting and repentance culminating in a feast of seasonal and symbolic foods. The Simnel Cake recipe is rich with fruits, spices and marzipan
Mother’s Love
Her love is like
an island in life’s ocean,
vast and wide
A peaceful, quiet shelter
From the wind, the rain, the tide.
‘Tis bound on the north by Hope,
By Patience on the West,
By tender Counsel on the South
And on the East by Rest.
Above it like a beacon light
Shine Faith, and Truth, and Prayer;
And thro’ the changing scenes of life
I find a haven there.
Author Unknown
Great gift for Mom on Mother’s Day
Enjoy an Ice Cream Sundae with Mom
Last year the Google Doodle image honored the 119th birthday of the first ice cream sundae.
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In Honor of St. Patrick’s Day – You Gotta Love The Irish!
Q: Why do the Irish honor St. Patrick
A: Because St. Patrick chased the lawyers (snakes) out of Ireland.
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Slainte ~ Happy St. Patrick’s Day
Sláinte is commonly used as a drinking toast in Ireland, Scotland and the Isle of Man, literally translating as “health”. There are numerous circumstances in which slainte may be used. In bars, many people salute each other with a “slainte” before drinking, or after someone has purchased a drink for someone. It may also be said as a toast at the start of a meal or celebration, collectively welcoming all of the attendees and wishing them good health.
May the road rise to meet you, the wind be always at your back, the sun shine warm upon your face and, until we meet again, may God hold you in the palm of His hand.
– Irish Blessing
Irish Saint Patrick’s Day Toasts |
Saint Patrick was a gentleman,
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An Irishman, by the name of O’Malley proposed to his girl on St. Patrick’s Day. He gave her a ring with a synthetic diamond. The excited young lass showed it to her father, a jeweller. He took one look at it and saw it wasn’t real.
The young lass on learning it wasn’t real returned to her future husband. She protested vehemently about his cheapness.
‘It was in honour of St. Patrick’s Day, ‘he smiled.
‘I gave you a sham rock.’
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St. Patrick’s Day Lucky email Forward
May there always be work for your hands to do;
May your purse always hold a coin or two;
May the sun always shine on your windowpane;
May a rainbow be certain to follow each rain;
May the hand of a friend always be near you.
May God fill your heart with gladness to cheer you..
OK, this is what you have to do…Send this to all of your friends!
But – you HAVE to send this within 1 hour
From when you open it!
Now…………..Make A wish!!!!!!
I hope you made your wish! Now then, if you send to:
1 person — your wish will be granted in 1 year
3 people — 6 months
5 people — 3 months
6 people — 1 month
7 people — 2 weeks
8 people — 1 week
9 people — 5 days
10 people — 3 days
12 people – — 2 days
15 people — 1 day
20 people — 3 hours
If you delete this after you read it . You will have 1 year of bad luck! But .. If you send it to 2 of your friends you will automatically have 3 years of good luck!!! )
And That’s No Blarney!
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