Little Johnny’s kindergarten teacher was trying to teach the children to “people talk”.
She asked Joey, What did you do on the weekend?”
Joey replied, ” I went to see Nana”.
“No.” the teacher said,”You went to see your Grandma. That’s people talk. Bobby, What did you do on the weekend?”
Bobby replied, ” I went for a ride on the choochoo.” No, you went for a ride on the train.”
“Little Johnny, what did you do on the weekend?”
He replied, “I stayed home and read a book.”
“That’s nice, what was the name of the book?”
Little Johnny thought for a while and then said,
“Winnie the Shit!”
*
Little Johnny’s mother asked him, “How did you get that bruise on your arm?”
Little Johnny replied, “I ate some Easter candy.”
“Eating Easter candy won’t give you a bruise.”
“It will if it’s your big brother’s candy!”
A teacher asked Little Johnny ,
“Can people predict the future with cards?”
His response was, “My mother can.”
The teacher replied, “Really?”
Little Johnny was quick to explain,
“Yes, she takes one look at my report card and tells me what will happen when my father gets home.”
The teacher once asked the class to make a sentence with the phrase pistol too.
Little Jimmy raised his hand, and after being recognized, said
“The lone Ranger tamed the wild west with his faithful Indian companion and his pistol too”.
“Very good”, says the teacher.
Little Johnny raised his hand, and after being called on said
“Down at our house we make homebrew, drink till twelve and piss till two”.
Little Johnny’s at it again…… A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying, ‘Everyone who thinks they’re stupid, stand up!’ After a few seconds, Little Johnny stood up.. The teacher said, ‘Do you think you’re stupid, Little Johnny?’ ‘No, ma’am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!’
Little Johnny watched, fascinated, as his mother smoothed cold cream on her face. ‘Why do you do that, mommy?’ he asked. ‘To make myself beautiful,’ said his mother, who then began removing the cream with a tissue. ‘What’s the matter?’ asked Little Johnny. ‘Giving up?’
The math teacher saw that little Johnny wasn’t paying attention in class. She called on him and said, ‘Johnny! What are 2 and 4 and 28 and 44?’ Little Johnny quickly replied, ‘NBC, FOX, ESPN and the Cartoon Network!’
Little Johnny’s kindergarten class was on a field trip to their local police station where they saw pictures tacked to a bulletin board of the 10 most wanted criminals. One of the youngsters pointed to a picture and asked if it really was the photo of a wanted person. ‘Yes,’ said the policeman. ‘The detectives want very badly to capture him. Little Johnny asked, ” Why didn’t you keep him when you took his picture ? ”
(this is my favorite)
Little Johnny attended a horse auction with his father. He watched as his father moved from horse to horse, running his hands up and down the horse’s legs and rump, and chest. After a few minutes, Johnny asked, ‘Dad, why are you doing that?’ His father replied, ‘Because when I’m buying horses, I have to make sure that they are healthy and in good shape before I buy. Johnny, looking worried, said, ‘Dad, I think the UPS guy wants to buy Mom ..’
If this brightened your day, don’t let it stop here. Pass it on with a smile. Keep spreading the cheer! Pass on to your friends! They like Johnny too ya know!
Little Johnny Joke
Just before the holidays started, Johnny’s teacher told the class that she was going to have a trivia contest. Students who correctly answered the questions would be allowed to leave early. This got Johnny’s attention.
His teacher asked the first question “Who said, I have a dream?”
Johnny knew this one and his hand was up before anyone else.
The teacher picked Sally and Sally answered Matin Luther King, Jr.
The teacher said, “Right, you may leave. Have a nice holiday.”
”Next question.”
“Who said, Ask not what your country can do for you, but…?”
Little Johnny was super excited because he knew this one, too. He waved his hand furiously so that his teacher would pick him.
But the teacher chose Andrea.
Andrea said, “That was John F Kennedy.” Of course she was right and she was allowed to leave early.
Little Johnny was getting quite upset. He knew the answers and his hand was up first.
“Next question.”
“Who said, That’s one small step for man, one giant…?”
Johnny couldn’t believe his luck because he knew this one, also.
His hand shot up like a rocket.
The teacher looked around and finally picked another little girl, Susan.
Susan said Neil Armstrong and the teacher told her she could leave and hoped she enjoyed the holidays.
By this time Little Johnny was fuming. He wanted to go home early. It wasn’t fair and he whispered, a little too loudly, “Christ, I wish those bitches would just shut up!”
The teacher yelled, “Who said that?”
Johnny immediately yelled back, “Tiger Woods, see you later!”
Continue reading about Little Johnny —One of my favourite new Jokes!
