Falling Satellites, Little Johnny and Chicken Little
Recently, due to the news about UARS – the falling satellite,
a first grade teacher decided to read the story of
Chicken Little to her class. She came to the part where Chicken Little warns the farmer.
She read, ” …and Chicken Little went up to the farmer and said, ” The sky is falling! The sky is Falling!”
The teacher then asked the class, “And what do you think the farmer said?”
Little Johnny raised his hand and said, “I think he said, ” Holy sh*t! A talking chicken!”
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The Grandfather and His Lost Grandson
A small boy named Little Johnny got lost in the mall…
He approached a uniformed security guard and said,
“I’ve lost my grandpa!”
The guard asked, “What’s his name?”
“Grandpa.”
The guard smiled, then asked, “What’s he like?”
Little Johnny hesitated for a moment and then replied,
“Crown whiskey and women with big boobs.”
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Little Johnny and Essay Writing
*
Reminds me of most Science Fair projects that “KIDS” bring to school!!!!
Johnny’s English teacher was a perfectionist and demanded the very best of his pupils. So it was to be expected that he would get furious when Little Johnny handed in a poor paper.
“This is the worst essay it has ever been my misfortune to read,” ranted the teacher. “It has too many mistakes. I can’t understand how one person would have made all these mistakes.”
“One person didn’t,” replied Little Johnny defensively. “My father helped me.”
funny emails, funny stuff
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Funny Sayings About Teachers and School – Little Johnny Jokes
Keep the school tidy; throw your rubbish out of the windows.
Our teacher’s a peach; she’s got a heart of stone!
Our teacher’s a treasure; we wonder where she was dug up!
Our geography teacher is so bad he got lost showing some parents around the school.
I like teachers when they’re at home!
Don’t be late for school in the morning; stay in bed until the afternoon.
Teacher is an anagram of cheater.
My teacher used to be a werewolf; but she’s howl right now.
The rain in Spain falls mainly on the plain; but over here it always falls on the school holidays!
I’m teacher’s pet; she can’t afford a dog.
Teachers are very special; they’re in a class of their own.
A bird in the hand – can make a terrible mess.
Little Johnny: I didn’t write that stuff. I can’t even read yet!
funny emails, funny stuff, funny picture
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How was your school Day? Little Johnny Back to School Jokes
Mom: How did you find school today?
Little johnny: I simply hopped off the bus – and there it was!
Little Johnny: I think we need a new teacher!
Mom: Why is that?
Little Johnny: Our teacher doesn’t know anything, she keeps asking us for the answers!
funny emails, jokes
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Little Johnny and Maps – Back at School
The teacher of the earth science class was lecturing on map reading.
After explaining about latitude, longitude, degrees and minutes the teacher asked, “Suppose I asked you to meet me for lunch at 23 degrees, 4 minutes north latitude and 45 degrees, 15 minutes east longitude…?”
After a confused silence, Little Johnny volunteered, “I guess you’d be eating alone.”
funny emails, funny stuff, stupid
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Back to School Jokes and Little Johnny
A teacher had been giving her second-grade students a lesson on science. She had explained about magnets and showed how they would pick up nails and other bits of iron. Now it was question time, and she asked, “My name begins with the letter ‘M’ and I pick up things. What am I?”
Little Johnny, in the back row proudly said, “You’re a mother!”
****
Little Johnny reported for a final examination that consisted of only true/false questions. He took a seat in the hall, stared at the test for five minutes, removed a coin from his pocket and started tossing the coin and marking the answer sheet. Heads meant true, tails meant false. Little Johnny finished the exam in 30 minutes, while the rest of the class was sweating it out. Suddenly, during the last few minutes, he began desperately throwing the coin and sweating profusely. The moderator, alarmed, approached Little Johnny and asked what was going on. “Well, I finished the exam in half an hour,” he said, “but I thought I ought to recheck my answers.”
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Back to School 2011
Little Johnny: I’m not going back to school tomorrow!
Father: Why not?
Little Johnny: Well I’ve been there a whole day, I can’t read, I can’t write and they won’t let me talk, so what’s the use?
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Little Johnny and Swimming
Little Johnny is approached by the lifeguard at the public swimming pool. ‘You’re not allowed to pee in the pool,’ says the lifeguard. ‘I’m going to report you.’ ‘But everyone pees in the pool,’ said little Johnny. ‘Maybe,’ says the lifeguard. ‘But not from the diving board!’
***
Little Johnny to mother: ‘Mummy, can I go swimming?’ Mother: ‘Certainly not. The sea’s too rough, there’s a terrible rip-tide and a dangerous offshore current, and I’ve heard this coast is infested with jellyfish and sharks.’ Little Johnny: ‘But Daddy’s gone swimming!’ Mother: ‘I know, but he has excellent life insurance.’
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Little Johnny and the Royal Wedding
Little Johnny and his mother were two of the lucky few who were invited to the Royal Wedding of Prince William and Kate Middleton.
Attending a wedding for the first time, Little Johnny whispered to his mother,
‘Why is the Kate Middleton dressed in white?”
The mother replied, ‘Because white is the colour of happiness and today is the happiest day of her life.’
Little Johnny thought about this for a moment then said, ‘So why is Prince William wearing black?’
