Marriage

Two Great Gifts For Valentine’s Day

For that Special Valentine in your life,

you might want to consider the following two GREAT GIFT IDEAS.

They are free

No tax

No special equipment needed,

No batteries or parts

Always arrive on time

Guaranteed to please

Extremely Personal

Shipping is free

Great for last minute gift ideas

and they are returnable

A MASSAGE

AND A HUG

Just open up your arms

And open up your hearts.

Research shows that our skin is teeming

with nerve fibres which spring into action when we are

cuddled, hugged, massaged or gently touched. 

They transmit the information back to the brain’s emotional hub,

creating feelings of pleasure.

Did you know that, if you visualise, you can actually hug on the phone? ~ Shelly Long

Where I live if someone gives you a hug it’s from the heart. ~ Steve Irwin

A hug is like a boomerang – you get it back right away. ~ Bil Keane

But remember,

a hug without a squeeze

is like apple pie without cheese.

Dear Sweetheart – One Hundred Kisses

A letter from her husband just before Valentine’s Day:

Dear Sweetheart:

I can’t send my salary this month, so I am sending 100 kisses. You are my sweetheart.

Happy Valentine’s Day

Your husband.

His wife replied back after some days to her husband:

Dearest sweetheart,

Thanks for your 100 kisses, I am sending my expense details.

1. The Milk man agreed on 2 kisses for one month’s milk.
2. The electricity man only agreed after 7 kisses.
3. Your house owner is coming every day and taking two or three kisses instead of the rent.
4. The supermarket owner would not accept kisses only, so I have given him some other items.
5. Other expenses ~ 40 kisses

Please don’t worry about me, I have a remaining balance of 35 kisses and I hope that I can complete the month using this balance.

Shall I plan same way for next months? Please advise.

Happy Valentine’s Day

Your Sweetheart.

Humorous and Inspirational Quotes and Sayings About Valentine’s Day and Love

Please be my Valentine!

Valentine’s Day is a time when we search out romantic quotes and sayings about love for a Valentine’s Day card.

Many prefer a humorous love quote or a funny Valentine’s Day saying.

Here are just a few:

“I don’t understand why Cupid was chosen to represent Valentine’s Day. When I think about romance, the last thing on my mind is a short, chubby toddler coming at me with a weapon.” ~Unknown

“Valentine’s Day is when a lot of married men are reminded what a poor shot Cupid really is.” ~Unknown

“I wanted to make it really special on Valentine’s Day, so I tied my boyfriend up. And for three solid hours I watched whatever I wanted on TV.” ~Tracy Smith

• “Love is an irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired.” ~ Robert Frost

• “Love is the condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own.” ~ Robert Heinlin

• “If you ever think of me out of the blue, just remember it’s all the kisses I’ve blown in the air finally catching up with you.” ~ Unknown

• “At the touch of love, everyone becomes a poet.” ~ Plato

• “Life’s greatest happiness is to be convinced we are loved.” ~ Victor Hugo

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• “Love is grand. Divorce is a hundred grand.” ~ Unknown

• “I have found the paradox that if I love until it hurts, then there is no hurt, but only more love.” ~ Mother Teresa

• “Love doesn’t make the world go round. Love is what makes the ride worthwhile.” ~ Franklin P. Jone

• “Like the measles, love is most dangerous when it comes late in life.” ~ Lord Byron

• “When you’re in love with someone, it inspires you and gives you hope. You have faith that even if you can’t be with them on earth, that if God wills, you will be with them one day in heaven.” ~ Unknown

• “Love is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.” ~ Henry Louis Mencken

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• “The hottest love has the coldest end.” ~ Socrates
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• “Immature love says, ‘ love you because I need you.’ Mature love says, ‘I need you because I love you.’” ~ Erich Fromm
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• “Lord, grant that I might not so much seek to be loved as to love.” ~ St. Francis of Assisi
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• “You can’t buy love, but you can pay heavily for it.” ~ Henny Youngman
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• “Love never dies a natural death. It dies because we don’t know how to replenish its source. It dies of blindness and errors and betrayals. It dies of illness and wounds; it dies of weariness, of withering, of tarnishing.” ~ Anais Nin
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• “A life without love is like a year without summer.” ~ Sweedish Proverb
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• “The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched. They must be felt with the heart.” ~ Helen Keller

DON’T PAY ANY ATTENTION TO THE FOLLOWING POSTER!

VALENTINE’S DAY IS NOT CANCELED!

**

LOST MY WIFE

Man: I lost my wife……………
Inspector: What is her height…….
Man: I never noticed………….
Inspector: Slim or healthy………….
Man: Not slim can be healthy…………
Inspector: Color of eyes………..
Man: Never noticed………..
Inspector: Color of hair…………….
Man: Changes according to season……….
Inspector: What was she wearing………..
Man: Dress/suit/ I don’t remember exactly……..
Inspector: Was somebody with her ?????????Man: Yes my Labrador dog, Romeo, tied with a golden chain, height 30 inches, healthy, blue eyes, blackish brown hair, his left foot thumb nail is slightly broken, he never barks, wearing a golden belt studded with blue balls, he likes non veg food, we eat together, we jog together. And the man started crying…………..
Inspector: Lets search for the dog first !!!!!!!

Marriage Sarcasm

 THE BOSS

It doesn’t matter how often a husband changes his job; he still ends up with the same boss.

NOT JUST IN AFRICA

A boy asks his father, “Dad, is it true, I heard in some parts of Africa a man doesn’t know his wife until he marries her.”

His dad replies, “That happens in every country son!”

THE WIZARD

Valentine Wife

Nigel, an alcoholic, staggered into a bar on Valentine’s Day and, after staring for some time at the only woman seated there, walked up to her and gave her kiss in honour of Valentine’s Day.  She jumped up and slapped him really hard.  Nigel immediately apologised and explained, ‘Look, I’m sorry. I thought you were my wife.  You look exactly like her.’

‘Why you worthless, insufferable, wretched, no good drunk!’ she screamed at the top of her voice.

‘Funny,’ Nigel muttered, shaking his head, ‘you even sound exactly like her.’

Valentine Wedding

Just before Valentine’s Day, two brooms were hanging in the closet and after a while they got to know each other very well.  They decided that it would be so romantic if they could get married on Valentine’s Day.
One broom was, of course, the bride broom, the other the groom broom.
The bride broom looked very beautiful in her white dress. The groom broom was handsome and suave in his tuxedo. The wedding was lovely.
After the wedding, at the wedding dinner, the bride-broom leaned over and said to the groom broom, “I think I am going to have a little whisk broom!!!”

“IMPOSSIBLE !!,” said the groom broom.

“We haven’t even swept together!”

VALENTINE HEARTS

ON VALENTINE’S DAY

MANY PEOPLE TAKE HEART

Me and My Shadow

How to Say I Love You on Valentine’s Day

IF you are not sure how your lover will respond, then the gift of roses is always a safe bet.

However, if you are a little courageous, try the following unique Valentine’s gifts:

Nothing beats a great Massage!

A Massage is a Great Gift!

For the really courageous  (or stupid), try the iRon.

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Let me know how they respond to this Valentine Gift Coupon!

This little Mini Pig could be a great gift for Valentine’s Day.

Can you imagine her reaction?

Funny and Cute Valentine Love Quotes

You know you’re in love when you can’t fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams. Dr. Seuss

‘Get married early in the morning. That way, if it doesn’t work out, you haven’t wasted a whole day.’

Mickey Rooney

‘My boyfriend and I broke up. He wanted to get married and I didn’t want him to.’

Rita Rudner

‘The poor wish to be rich, the rich wish to be happy, the single wish to be married, and the married wish to be dead.’

Ann Landers

‘I married the first man I ever kissed. When I tell my children that, they just about throw up.’

Barbara Bush

‘Instead of getting married again, I’m going to find a woman I don’t like and give her a house.’

Groucho Marx