Copy and paste the link below, especially if you are not a George Bush fan! (Small commercial but it is worth it.)
http://abcnews.go.com/video/playerIndex?id=9351032
‘Twas the month after Christmas, and all through the house Nothing would fit me, not even a blouse.
The cookies I’d nibbled, the eggnog I’d taste At the holiday parties had gone to my waist.
When I got on the scales there arose such a number!
When I walked to the store (less a walk than a lumber).
I’d remember the marvellous meals I’d prepared; The gravies and sauces and beef nicely rared,
The wine and the rum balls, the bread and the cheese And the way I’d never said, ‘No thank you, please.’
As I dressed myself in my husband’s old shirt And prepared once again to do battle with dirt – I said to myself, as I only can ‘You can’t spend a winter disguised as a man!’
So – away with the last of the sour cream dip, Get rid of the fruit cake, every cracker and chip
Every last bit of food that I like must be banished ‘Till all the additional ounces have vanished.
I won’t have a cookie – not even a lick.
I’ll want only to chew on a long celery stick.
I won’t have hot biscuits, or corn bread, or pie, I’ll munch on a carrot and quietly cry.
I’m hungry, I’m lonesome, and life is a bore But isn’t that what January is for?
Unable to giggle, no longer a riot.
Happy New Year to all and to all a good diet!
Jemima was taking an afternoon nap on New Year’s Eve before the festivities. After she woke up, she confided to Max, her husband, ‘I just dreamed that you gave me a diamond ring for a New Year’s present. What do you think it all means?’
‘Aha, you’ll know tonight,’ answered Max smiling broadly.
At midnight , as the New Year was chiming, Max approached Jemima and handed her small package. Delighted and excited she opened it quickly. There in her hand rested a book entitled: ‘The meaning of dreams’.
New year jokes – A depressed man
There’s a man sitting at a bar just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half an hour. Then, a big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down.
The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says, “Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I’ll buy you another drink. I just can’t stand seeing a man crying.”
“No, it’s not that. This day is the worst of my life. First, I fall asleep, and I’m late to my office. My boss, in an outrage, fires me. When I leave the building to my car, I found out it was stolen. The police say they can do nothing. I get a cab to return home and when I leave it, I remember I left my wallet and credit cards there. The cab driver just drives away. I go home and when I get there, I find my wife sleeping with the gardener. I leave home and come to this bar. And when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison.”
We’re moving closer & closer to the New Year ”¦”¦”¦”¦”¦”¦”¦”¦”¦”¦
STOP! ”¦. not too fast ”¦”¦”¦”¦”¦ .
or maybe like this ? ”¦”¦”¦”¦”¦”¦”¦.
For all of us,
big and small,
time flew by ”¦”¦”¦”¦”¦.
and sometimes we wish ”¦”¦”¦”¦”¦”¦”¦.
we have more of it.
This week we will little work hard
”¦”¦”¦”¦”¦”¦.. alot
”¦”¦”¦”¦”¦”¦.. yes.
Sometimes things were”¦”¦”¦”¦”¦”¦”¦”¦”¦
quite exhausting .
But now,”¦”¦”¦..
1..2..3”¦start 
Its last week to gooooooooooooooo
Its final oneeeeee
Have a Pleasant and Relaxing week and a Blasting New Year.
16. I resolve… I resolve to… I resolve to, uh… I resolve to, uh, get my, er… I resolve to, uh, get my, er, off-line work done, too!
15. I will stop checking my e-mail at 3:00 in the morning… 4:30 is much more practical.
14. When I hear a funny joke I will not reply, “LOL… LOL!”
13. I will stop sending e-mail, ICQ, Instant Messages and be on the phone at the same time with the same person.
12. I will try to figure out why I *really* need 9 e-mail addresses.
11. I will stop sending e-mail to my roommate.
10. I will not buy magazines with AOL disks bound in just to get another 1.44MB disk.
9. I resolve to work with neglected children… my own.
8. I will answer my snail mail with the same enthusiasm I answer e-mail.
7. When I subscribe to a newsgroup or mailing list, I will read all the mail I get from it.
6. I will stop using, “So, what’s your URL?” as a pickup line.
5. No more downloads from alt.binaries.*
4. I resolve to back up my new 400 GB hard drive daily… well, once a week… monthly, perhaps…
3. I will spend less than five hour a day on the Internet.
2. I will limit my top ten lists to ten items.
1. I will read the manual… just as soon as I can find it.
A Prayer for the Golden Years
God, grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway,
The good fortune to run into the ones that I do,
And the eyesight to tell the difference.
How to Quit Smoking
Peter, at a New Year’s party, turns to his friend, Ken, and asks for a cigarette.
‘I thought you made a New Year’s resolution to quit smoking,’ Ken responds.
‘I’m in the process of quitting,’ replies Peter with a grin. ‘Right now, I am in the middle of phase one.’
‘Phase one?’ wonders Ken.
‘Yeah,’ laughs Peter, ‘I’ve quit buying.’
New Year Jokes – One Liners
To kick start my New Year, I took an IQ test and the results were negative.
The trouble with jogging is that the ice falls out of your glass
When I thought about the evils of drinking in the New Year. I gave up thinking.
Politician in Action
A Senator in the USA was once asked about his attitude toward whisky.
‘If you mean the demon drink that poisons the mind, pollutes the body, desecrates family life, and inflames sinners, then I’m against it. But if you mean the elixir of a New Year toast, the shield against winter chill, the taxable potion that puts needed funds into public coffers to comfort little crippled children, then I’m for it. This is my position, and I will not compromise.’
