Sometime this year, we taxpayers will again receive an Economic Stimulus payment i.e HST rebate. This is a very exciting program from the Ontario government..
I’ll explain it using the Q and A format:
—————————————————————
Q. What is Ontario ’s Economic Stimulus payment?
A. It is money that the provincial government will send to taxpayers.
Q.. Where will the government get this money?
A. From taxpayers..
Q. So the government is giving me back my own money?
A. Only a smidgen.
Q. What is the purpose of this payment?
A. The plan is for you to use the money to purchase a high-definition TV set, thus stimulating the economy.
Q. But isn’t that stimulating the economy of Asia ?
A. Shut up or you don’t get your check.
Below is some helpful advice on how to best help the Canadian economy by spending your stimulus check wisely:
1. If you spend the stimulus money at Wal-Mart, your money will go to China .
2. If you spend it on gasoline, your money will go to Saudi Arabia .
3. If you purchase a computer, it will go to India .
4. If you purchase fruit and vegetables, it will go to Mexico, Honduras or Guatemala ..
5. If you buy a car, it will go to Japan or Korea .
6. If you purchase useless plastic stuff, it will go to Taiwan .
7. If you pay off your credit cards, or buy stock, it will go to pay management bonuses and be hidden in offshore accounts.
Or, you can keep the money in Canada by:
1. spending it at yard sales or flea markets, or
2. going to baseball or football games, or
3. hiring prostitutes, or
4. buying cheap beer or
5. getting tattoos.
These are the only wholly-owned businesses still operating in Canada .
Conclusion:
The best way to stimulate the economy is to go to a ball game with a prostitute that you met at a yard sale and drink beer all day until you’re drunk enough to go get tattooed.
I was so depressed last night thinking about the economy, the wars, jobs, savings, Social Security, retirement funds, etc…….
I called Lifeline.
I got a call centre in Pakistan . I told them I was suicidal.…………………….. They all got excited and asked if I could drive a truck…
No Christmas
No television
No cheerleaders
No Nude Women
No car races
No football
No baseball
No golf
No tailgate parties
No Wal-Mart
No pork BBQ
No hot dogs
No burgers
No chocolate chip cookies
No lobster
No shellfish, or even frozen fish sticks
No nachos
No Beer nuts
No Beer !!!!!!!!
Constant wailing from the guy next-door because he’s sick and there are no doctors..
More than one wife.
You can’t shave.
Your wives can’t shave.
You can’t shower to wash off the smell of donkey cooked over burning camel dung.
The women have to wear baggy dresses and veils at all times.
Your bride is picked by someone else.
She smells just like your donkey.
But your donkey has a better disposition.
Then they tell you that when you die it all gets better!
Continue reading about Hope they are running out of Instructors!
Copy and paste the link below, especially if you are not a George Bush fan! (Small commercial but it is worth it.)
http://abcnews.go.com/video/playerIndex?id=9351032
Garfield on the oil crisis
A lot of folks can’t understand how we came
to have an oil shortage here in Canada .
Well, there’s a very simple answer,
Nobody bothered to check the oil.
We just didn’t know we were getting low.
The reason for this is purely geographical.
Our Oil is located in:
ALBERTA
SASKATCHEWAN
BRITISH COLUMBIA
MANITOBA
COASTAL NEW BRUNSWICK
COASTAL NEWFOUNDLAND
Our DIPSTICKS are located in OTTAWA
Any Questions ???
NO ?…. Didn’t think so.
