PUNS

You call this Camping? ~ Camping in the Future

Camping used to be intense!

Telecommunications company, Orange,  has created what they believe could be the “tent of the future.” TheGlastonbury Solar tent uses photovoltaic fabric, glo-cation technology, a wireless control hub, and groundsheet heat. This concept tent was built with help of American design firm Kaleidoscope.

The photovoltaic fabric uses solar energy to produce energy for powering gadgets plugged in to the tent, allowing wireless Internet to work, and powering a flexible LCD screen.

Why not just stay home?

Camping Jokes

I got arrested one night while camping.

The policeman said I was loitering within tent.

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Two young men were out in the woods on a camping trip, when the came upon this great trout brook. They stayed there all day, enjoying the fishing, which was super.

At the end of the day, knowing that they would be graduating from college soon, they vowed that they would meet, in twenty years, at the same place and renew the experience.

Twenty years later, they met and traveled to a spot near where they had been years before. They walked into the woods and before long came upon a brook. One of the men said to the other, “This is the place!”.

The other replied, “No, it’s not!”.

The first man said, “Yes, I do recognize the clover growing on the bank on the other side.

To which the other man replied, “Silly, you can’t tell a brook by it’s clover.”

**

There is an apocryphal camping shop in the UK that ran a promotion during the low season whose strapline was…

… wait for it

.. “Now is the winter of our discount tent”

The Infamous Sherlock Holmes Camping Joke:

Sherlock Holmes and His sidekick Dr. Watson go on a camping trip, set up the tent site, and fall asleep. Some hours later, Holmes wakes his trusty friend with a shake…

“Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see.”

Watson replies, “I see millions of bright stars.”

Holmes then asked… “What does that tell you?”

Watson thought for a moment before answering: “Astronomically speaking, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo. Timewise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three. Theologically, it’s evident the Lord is all-powerful and we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. Sherlock, What does it tell you?”

Holmes is silent for a moment, then speaks. “Watson, you moron, someone has stolen our tent.”

Extreme Camping

As Alexander the Great led his troops into Persia, his soothsayers urged him to cease from conquest and reign content as king of all Greece. The divine Alexander, in his pride, was wont to brush these warnings aside, until one day, lightning struck from a clear sky and completely destroyed the royal bivouac. 

“A portent!” cried the priests.

“Whadya want,” said Alexander, “we get them at cost.”

My girl friend and I just graduated from the University of Bearkeley and we thought we would go camping for a week to get away from it all.  On the first night, we just bearly got to sleep when we were awakened by a strange sound. It took us a few seconds to get our bearings! I told my girlfriend that I hate to be the bearer of bad news but I think we are in a grizzly situation. She said don’t tease me, I don’t find you beary funny. I pawsed for just a second to listen some more and I realized that it was a grizzly bear and that we were in big trouble. I told her to bear with me while I think of what we should do. I was not pre-beared for this. I clawed my way through the bear essentials in our tent and decided to make as much noise as possible so that the bear might be scared away. My girlfriend was going Bear-zerk. We made so much noise that we woke up all the other campers. It was Pandamoneum! It turned out that the sound was from a solar tent on the site next to ours. The guy was watching a TV special about bears on his computer.

Facing the other campers was un-BEAR-able and we were so embearassed! She said this is the beary last time she would ever go camping. Our relationship bearly lasted after that!

Grizzly Alert

In case anyone is considering doing some camping this spring or summer, please note the following public service announcement: In Alaska, tourists are warned to wear tiny bells on their clothing when hiking in bear country. The bells warn away MOST bears. Tourists are also cautioned to watch the ground on the trail, paying particular attention to bear droppings to be alert for the presence of Grizzly Bears. One can tell a Grizzly dropping because it has tiny bells in it.

Easter Bunny Friend

HAPPY EASTER

CUTE EASTER BUNNY PUN

Easter Bunny Hare

Slainte ~ Happy St. Patrick’s Day

Sláinte is commonly used as a drinking toast in Ireland, Scotland and the Isle of Man,  literally translating as “health”. There are numerous circumstances in which slainte may be used. In bars, many people salute each other with a “slainte” before drinking, or after someone has purchased a drink for someone. It may also be said as a toast at the start of a meal or celebration, collectively welcoming all of the attendees and wishing them good health.

May the road rise to meet you, the wind be always at your back, the sun shine warm upon your face and, until we meet again, may God hold you in the palm of His hand.

– Irish Blessing

An Irishman, by the name of O’Malley proposed to his girl on St. Patrick’s Day. He gave her a ring with a synthetic diamond. The excited young lass showed it to her father, a jeweller. He took one look at it and saw it wasn’t real.

The young lass on learning it wasn’t real returned to her future husband. She protested vehemently about his cheapness.

‘It was in honour of St. Patrick’s Day, ‘he smiled.

‘I gave you a sham rock.’

Beware The Ides of March

March 15 is the day in 44 BC that the emperor Julius Caesar was assassinated after being warned by a soothsayer: “Cave Idus, Idus Martiis!”

Wikipedia: The Ides of March (Latin: Idus Martii) is the name of 15 March in the Roman calendar, probably referring to the day of the full moon. The term ides was used for the 15th day of the months of March, May, July, and October, and the 13th day of the other months.^[1] The Ides of March was a festive day dedicated to the god Mars and a military parade was usually held. In modern times, the term Ides of March is best known as the date that Julius Caesar was killed in 44 B.C. Julius Caesar was stabbed (23 times) to death in the Theatre of Pompey led by Marcus Junius Brutus,Gaius Cassius Longinus and 60 other conspirators.

Caesar: Who is it in the press that calls on me? I hear a tongue shriller than all the music that cry “Caesar!” Speak, Caesar is turn’d to hear.

Soothsayer: Beware the ides of March.

Caesar: What man is that?

Brutus: A soothsayer bids you beware the ides of March. (Shakespeeare’s Julius Caesar I,ii,15-19)

Timely message with the Middle East Revolutions happening right now!

It’s a day to celebrate the fall of dictators and a day for those in political arena to remember that your “friends” may yet be the cause of your downfall.

Who should Beware the Ides of March Today?

Vladimir Putin ~ Russian Dictator … I mean Prime Minister

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Vladimir Putin, possibly the richest man on earth! With the incredible corruption in Russia, they just might  need another revolution!

Julius Caesar Jokes and Puns

Caesar sends Brutus to bring him 12 apples. Brutus returns with the
apples and Caesar counts them but finds only 10 apples. He turns to
Brutus and angrily says: “Et two, Brutus?”

**

Caesar had just become the emperor.

Mark Antony comes into the throne
room and shouts, “Hail! Hail! Hail! Oh mighty Caesar!”

Julius jumps upfrom his throne and angrily shouts,

“How dare you hail while I amreigning!”

**

It’s a little known fact that Julius Caesar

did NOT die from stabwounds by Brutus…

but rather he was poisoned.

At the huge banquet on that fateful Ides of March,

Brutus slipped somepoisonous hemlock leaves

onto Julius’s salad.

(This was the world’sfirst Caesar’s salad!)

When Julius slumped over into his salad,

Brutus feigned concern and
asked: “My dear friend Julius,

how many hemlock leaves have you eaten?”

To which Julius gasped in reply: . .. “Ate two, Brutus.”.

FUNNY NEW EASTER TREAT

Egg Puns ~ Just In Time For Easter

Egg puns are a dime-a-dozen, aren’t they?

Trying to think of all these puns is really scrambling my brain.

Hensforth, I will not be cracking anymore egg yokes!

That’s it. I call an eggs ban edict.

CUTEST EASTER CHICKS

Funny Chicks Gone Wild ~ Skinning Dipping

You going skinny dipping?

No, I’m chickening out.