THE NEXT SURVIVOR SERIES
Six married men will be dropped on an island with one car and 3 kids each for six weeks.
Each kid will play two sports and take either music or dance classes.
There is no fast food.
Each man musttake care of his 3 kids;
keep his assigned house clean,
correct all homework,
complete science projects,
cook,
do laundry,
and pay a list of ‘pretend’ bills
with not enough money.
In addition,each man
will have to budget enough money
for groceries each week.
Each man
must remember the birthdays
of all their friends and relatives,
and send cards out on time–no emailing.
Each man must also take each child
to a doctor’s appointment,
a dentist appointment
and a haircut appointment.
He must make one unscheduled and
inconvenient visit per child to the Emergency Room.
He must also make cookies or cupcakes
for a school function.
Each man will be responsible for
decorating his own assigned house,
planting flowers outside, and keeping it
presentable at all times.
The men will only have access to television when the kids are asleep and all chores are done.
The men must shave their legs,
wear makeup daily,
adorn themselves with jewelry,
wear uncomfortable yet stylish shoes,
keep fingernails polished,
and eyebrows groomed
During one of the six weeks,
the men will have to endure severe
abdominal cramps, backaches, headaches,
have extreme, unexplained mood swings
but never once complain or slow down
from other duties.
They must attend weekly school meetingsand church,
and find time at least once to spend
the afternoon at the park or a similar
setting.
They will need to read a book to the kids each nightand in the morning,feed them,dress them,
brush their teeth and
comb their hair
by 7:30 am.
A test will be givenat the end of the six weeks,and each father will be required to knowall of the following information:
each child’s
birthday,
height, weight,
shoe size, clothes size,
doctor’s name,
the child’s weight at birth,
length, time of birth,
and length of labor,
each child’s favorite color,
middle name,
favorite snack,
favorite song,
favorite drink,
favorite toy,
biggest fear,
and what they want to be when they grow up.
The kids vote them off the island based on performance.
The last man wins only if…
he still
has enough energy
to be intimate with his spouse
at a moment’s notice.
If the last man does win,
he can play the game over and over and over
again for the next 18-25 years,
eventually earning the right
to be called Mother!
After you get done laughing,
send this to as many females as
you think will get a kick out of it and
as many men as you think can handle it.
Just don’t send it back to me….
I’m going to bed.
Tired of my listless sex life, I came right out and asked my wife during a recent love-making session,
“How come you never tell me when you have an orgasm?”
She glanced at me casually and replied, “You’re never home.”
and that’s when the fight started…
My wife and I had two beautiful daughters but always talked about having a son. We decided to try one last time for the son we always wanted.
My wife got pregnant and delivered a healthy baby boy. I rushed to the nursery to see my new son. I was horrified at the ugliest child I had ever seen.
“There’s no way I can be the father of this baby. Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered! Have you been fooling around behind my back?”
My wife smiled sweetly and replied, “Not this time!”
and that’s when the fight started…
check out:
http://whenthefightstarted.blogspot.com/
for more “and that’s when the fight started jokes.”
Wife: Darling today is our anniversary, what should we do?
Husband: Let’s stand in silence for 2 minutes.
and that’s when the fight started…
A woman comes home and tells her husband, “Remember those headaches I’ve been having all these years? Well, they’re gone.”
“No more headaches?” the husband asks,
”What happened?”
His wife replies, Margie referred me to a hypnotist. H e told me to stand in front of a mirror, stare at myself and repeat
“I do not Have a Headache;
I do not have a headache,
I do not have a headache..” 
It Worked! The headaches are all gone.”
The husband replies, “Well, that is wonderful.”
His wife then says, “You know, you haven’t been exactly a ball of Fire in the bedroom these last few years. Why don’t you go see the
Hypnotist and see if he can do anything for that?”
The husband agrees to try it 
Following his appointment, the husband comes home, rips off his clothes, picks up his wife and carries her into the bedroom.
He puts her on the bed and says,
“Don’t move, I’ll be right back.”
He goes into the Bathroom and comes back a few minutes later and jumps into bed and makes Passionate love to his wife like never before.
His wife says, “Boy, that was wonderful!”
The husband says, “Don’t move! I will be right back.”
He goes back into the bathroom,
comes back and round two was even better than The First time.
The wife sits up and her head is spinning.
Her husband again says,
“Don’t move, I’ll be right back.”
With that, he goes back in the bathroom.
This time, his wife quietly follows him and there, in the Bathroom,
She sees him standing at the mirror and saying,
“She’s not my Wife.
She’s Not my wife.
She’s not my wife…”
His funeral service will be held on Friday.
When things in your life seem , almost too much to handle,
When 24 Hours in a day is not enough,
Remember the mayonnaise jar and 2 cups of coffee.
A professor stood before his philosophy class
And had some items in front of him.
When the class began, wordlessly,
He picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar
and proceeded to fill it with golf balls.
He then asked the students, if the jar was full.
They agreed that it was.
The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured
them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly.
The pebbles rolled into the open Areas between the golf balls.
He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was.
The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar.
Of course, the sand filled up everything else.
He asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with a unanimous ‘yes.’
The professor then produced two cups of coffee from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar, effectively
filling the empty space between the sand. The students laughed.
‘Now,’ said the professor, as the laughter subsided,
‘I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life.
The golf balls are the important things – family,
children, health, Friends, and Favorite passions –
Things that if everything else was lost and only they remained, Your life would still be full.
The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, house, and car.
The sand is everything else –The small stuff.
‘If you put the sand into the jar first,’ He continued,
‘there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls.
The same goes for life.
If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff,
You will never have room for the things that are important to you.
So…
Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness.
Play With your children.
Take time to get medical checkups.
Take your partner out to dinner.
There will always be time to clean the house and fix the disposal.
‘Take care of the golf balls first –
The things that really matter.
Set your priorities. The rest is just sand.’
One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the coffee represented.
The professor smiled.
‘I’m glad you asked’.
It just goes to show you that no matter how full your life may seem,
there’s always room for a couple of cups of coffee with a friend.’
Please share this with other “Golf Balls”
I just did……..
