e-Forwards.com » Religous

Maxine cartoon on Islamic Terrorists

John — Tue, 11 May 2010 18:20:49 +0000

Britain issued a hasty apology to Pope Benedict XVI about Jokes in memo!

John — Sun, 25 Apr 2010 14:19:37 +0000

Must have been some brainstorming session! Wonder what happenned to those involved??

Britain’s Foreign Office issued a hasty apology Sunday to Pope Benedict XVI after publication of an internal memo in which officials joked he could open an abortion clinic, launch a range of condoms or sing a duet with Queen Elizabeth II during a four-day visit in September.

The document, sections of which were published in the Sunday Telegraph newspaper, also proposed the pope could bless a gay marriage, and acknowledge the clerical sex abuse scandal by establishing a hot line for abused children, or honoring abuse whistleblowers.

Junior officials wrote the memo following a brainstorming session intended to discuss ideas for the visit, the first to Britain by the head of the Roman Catholic Church since Pope John Paul II in 1982

Monastery Life

John — Sun, 24 Jan 2010 17:27:26 +0000

A young monk arrives at the monastery. He is assigned to helping other monks in copying the old canons and laws of the church by hand.

He notices, however, that all of the monks are copying from copies, not from the original manuscript. So, the new monk goes to the head abbot to question this, pointing out that if

someone made even a small error in the first copy, it would never be picked up! In fact, that

The head monk, says, “We have been copying from the copies for centuries, but you make a good point, my son..”

He goes down into the dark caves underneath the monastery where the original manuscripts are held in the archives in a locked vault that hasn’t been opened for hundreds of years.

Hours go by and nobody sees the old abbot.

The young monk gets worried and goes down to look for him. He sees him banging his head against the wall and wailing.

“We missed the R! We missed the R! We missed theR! His forehead is all bloody and bruised and he is crying uncontrollably.The young monk asks the old abbot, “What’s wrong, father?”

With A choking voice, the old abbot replies, “The word was…

CELEBRATE!!!

Hope they are running out of Instructors!

John — Tue, 05 Jan 2010 21:59:09 +0000

Everyone seems to be wondering why Muslim terrorists are so quick to commit suicide . .. Let’s see now…

No Jesus
No Christmas
No television
No cheerleaders
No Nude Women
No car races
No football
No baseball
No golf
No tailgate parties
No Wal-Mart
No pork BBQ
No hot dogs
No burgers
No chocolate chip cookies
No lobster
No shellfish, or even frozen fish sticks
No nachos
No Beer nuts
No Beer !!!!!!!!
Constant wailing from the guy next-door because he’s sick and there are no doctors..
More than one wife.
You can’t shave.
Your wives can’t shave.
You can’t shower to wash off the smell of donkey cooked over burning camel dung.
The women have to wear baggy dresses and veils at all times.
Your bride is picked by someone else.
She smells just like your donkey.
But your donkey has a better disposition.
Then they tell you that when you die it all gets better!

Are You Kathlick?

John — Sun, 20 Dec 2009 21:20:13 +0000

THREE LITTLE BOYS were concerned because they couldn’t get anyone to play with them.
They decided it was because they had not been baptized and didn’t go to Sunday school.

So they went to the nearest church. But, only the janitor was there.

One little boy said, “We need to be baptized because no one will come out and play with us. Will you baptize us?”

“Sure,” said the janitor.

He took them into the bathroom and dunked their little heads in the toilet bowl, one at a time. Then he said, “You are now baptized!”

When they got outside, one of them asked, “‘What religion do you think we are?”

The oldest one said, “We’re not Kathlick, because they pour the water on you.”
“We’re not Babtis, because they dunk all of you in the water.”
“We’re not Methdiss, because they just sprinkle water on you.”

The littlest one said, “Didn’t you smell that water?”
They all joined in asking, “Yeah! What do you think that means?”

“I think it means we’re Pisskopailians”!!

Aliens and Jesus

Jayzoo — Sun, 20 Dec 2009 19:03:27 +0000