Sex and Old Age Humour

And that’s when the fight started…

Prostate check-up…

365 Times a Year! That’s No Bull

I took my wife to the State Fair and one of the exhibits is about breeding bulls. We came up to the first pen and there is a sign that says, “This Bull mated 50 times last year.”

My wife poked me in the ribs and said, “He mated 50 times last year.”

We walked a little further and saw another pen with a sign, “This Bull mated 120 times last year.”

My wife hit me and said, “That’s more than twice a week! You could learn a lot from him.”

We walked a little further to a third pen with a Bull and a sign, “This Bull mated 365 times last year.”

My wife got really excited and said, “That’s once a day.” You could REALLY learn something from this one.”

I turned to my wife and replied,

“Go up and ask him if it was with the same ol’ cow.”

I am a Bull!

and that’s when the fight started…

****

And then she said why don’t you see if this makes you more attractive:

sexual-attraction-and-the-tilted-head

For More, and that’s when the fight started,

click here: Fight Starters – Humor

funny emails, funny stuff

JUDY GOT MARRIED

 Judy got married and had 13 children.  Her first husband, Ted, died of cancer.

She married again, and had 7 more children.  Bob was killed in a car accident.

Judy again remarried; she and John had 5 more children. Judy finally died, after having 25 children. 

Standing before her coffin the preacher thanked the Lord for this very loving woman and said, “Lord, they are finally together.”

Ethel leaned over and quietly asked her best friend, Margaret,”Do you think he means her first, second, or third husband?”

Margaret replied, “I think he means her legs, Ethel … Her legs, dear.”

Wendi Deng ~ Wife of the Year

Wendi Deng – age 42

Rupert Murdock’s age ~ 80

But he looks much older.

(especially during the last few weeks)

Married to Rupert Murdoch in 1999, Wendi Deng has come to play an important role in Rupert Murdock’s life. She supervises his diet and fitness regimen. Her other responsibilities became very clear on Tuesday, as Rupert testified before a British parliamentary panel. Not just a wife, but a body guard! When Jonathan May-Bowles, a.k.a. Jonnie Marbles, attempted the pie-in-the-face routine, Ms. Deng literally leapt to her husband’s defence and slapped Jonnie.

Jon Stewart’s take on Wendi Deng and the pie incident. ~

“I am not a big proponent of the four-decade age gap but if ever there was a situation when it would pay dividends… it would be an ambush like that.”

What a cute couple!!!!!!!

No way, not for the money!

Would you Wendi Deng for your husband????

Rupert Murdock old age joke:

Rupert finds he is unable to perform sexually. He finally goes to his doctor who tries a few things; but nothing seems to work. So the doctor refers him to an American Indian medicine man.

The medicine man says, “I can cure this.” With that said, he throws a white powder in a flame, and there is a flash with billowing blue smoke. Then he says, “This is powerful healing but you can only use it once a year. All you have to do is say ’123,’ and it shall rise for as long as you wish!”

Rupert then asks, “What happens when it’s over, and I don’t want to continue?” The medicine man replies, “All you or your partner has to say is 1234, and it will go down. But be warned, it will not work again for another year.”

Rupert rushes home, anxious to try out his new powers and prowess. That night he is ready to surprise his wife. He showers, shaves, and puts on his most exotic shaving lotion and cologne. After he gets into bed and is lying next to her, he says, “123.”

Suddenly he has the most gigantic stiffie he has ever had, just as the medicine man had promised. Wendi, his wife, who had been facing away from him, turns over and asks, “What did you say 123 for?”

Best Sun Protection for Your Nose

Roses and Hanging Baskets

A teenage granddaughter

comes downstairs for her date

with this see-through blouse on and no bra.

Her grandmother went mad,

Telling her not to dare go out like that!

The teenager tells her

‘Loosen up Gran.

These are modern times.

You gotta let your rose buds show!’

and out she goes.

The next day the teenager comes down stairs,

and the grandmother is sitting there with no top on.

The teenager wants to die.

She explains to her grandmother

that she has friends coming over

and that it is just not appropriate….

The grandmother says,

‘Loosen up, Sweetie.

If you can show off your rose buds,

then I can display my hanging baskets.

Happy Gardening.

Global Facts About Sex

Global Facts About Sex

At Any Given Moment:

FACT:

79,000,000  people are engaged in sex – right now!

FACT:

58,000,000 are kissing.

FACT:

37,000,000  are relaxing after having sex.

FACT:

1 elderly person is reading emails.

You hang  in there, Sunshine  ………

What is Celibacy?

And that’s when the fight started and my life of celibacy began………

Law Professor’s Puzzle

A young Law student, having failed his Law exam, goes up to his crusty old professor, who is renowned for his razor-sharp legal mind.

Student: “Sir, do you really understand everything about this subject?”

Professor: “Actually, I probably do. Otherwise I wouldn’t be a professor, would I?”

Student: “OK. So I’d like to ask you a question. If you can give me the correct answer, I will accept my marks as it is. If you can’t give me the correct answer, however, you’ll have to give me an “A”.

Professor: “Hmmmm, alright. So what’s the question?”

Student: “What is legal but not logical, logical but not legal, and neither logical nor legal? “

The professor wracks his famous brain, but just can’t crack the answer.

Finally he gives up and changes the student’s failing mark into an “A” as agreed, and the student goes away, very pleased.

The professor continues to wrack his brain over the question all afternoon, but still can’t get the answer. So finally he calls in a group of his brightest students and tells them he has a really, really tough question to answer:

“What is legal but not logical, logical but not legal, and neither logical nor legal? “

To the professor’s surprise (and embarrassment), all the students immediately raise their hands.

“All right” says the professor and asks his favourite student to answer

“It’s quite easy, sir” says the student

“You see, you are 75 years old and married to a 30 year old woman, which is legal, but not logical. Your wife has a 22 year old lover, which is logical, but not legal. And your wife’s lover failed his exam but you’ve just given him an “A”, which is neither legal, nor logical.”