St. Patrick’s Day Jokes and Humor

Hangover Cures

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On New Year’s Eve I always look forward to the next 12 months with hope for a prosperous and happy year. This usually lasts until just before my hangover kicks in! (JC)

 A hangover is the wrath of grapes.  ~Author Unknown

First you take a drink, then the drink takes a drink, then the drink takes you. 

~Francis Scott Key Fitzgerald

Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water.

  ~W.C. Fields

Suffering due to too much Fun?

Beer is the cause and solution to all of life’s problems.  ~Homer Simpson

When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.  ~Henny Youngman

I’m going to be around until the Atomic Energy Commission finds a safe place to bury my liver.  ~Phil Harris

Drunkenness is nothing but voluntary madness.  ~Seneca

A woman drove me to drink and I never even had the courtesy to thank her.  ~W.C. Fields

A real hangover is nothing to try out family remedies on. The only cure for a real hangover is death. ~ Robert Benchley

You come home, and you party. But after that, you get a hangover. Everything about that is negative. ~ Mike Tyson

If you had too much fun on St. Patrick’s Day, New Year’s Eve, or any day of the year, then try one or more of these cures which may help you recover from the dreaded HANGOVER.

Want to avoid a hangover or terrible headache? Eat a few cucumber slices before going to bed and wake up refreshed and headache free. Cucumbers contain enough sugar, B vitamins and electrolytes to replenish essential nutrients the body lost, keeping everything in equilibrium, avoiding both a hangover and headache!!

Hangover Helper!

Read more about the Amazing Cucumber at:

 http://www.e-forwards.com/2009/12/the-amazing-cucumber/

Other suggestions:

Just in time for New Year’s Eve revelers, the FDA has approved the ”the other morning after pill.”

The pill was comprised of “aspirin, caffeine, and a medicine to calm your stomach. Amazingly, it reportedly works in 15 minutes as well.

This newest, and highly touted hangover cure is called Blowfish and is expected to be in drug stores shortly. The US Food and Drug Administration has given it the okay to be sold over-the-counter. Its creator, Brenna Haysom, explains that the tablets consist of 1,000 milligrams of aspirin, 120 milligrams of caffeine and a stomach-soothing agent split up into two effervescent tablets to be taken the morning after a night of heavy drinking. Despite the product slogan, ‘Own the night. Save the day’ Miss Haysom denies that the treatment promotes binge drinking and she doesn’t encourage overuse, adding ‘I definitely don’t encourage people to get obliterated.’ 

More hangover “CURES”

# Painkillers and Antacids
Alcohol is an irritant to the stomach, so aspirin and ibuprofen (also irritants) may make matters worse. Over-the-counter antacids will protect your stomach lining and ease acid indigestion. Meanwhile, a couple of Tylenol should quell that brain-splitting headache.

# Back to Bed
You drank way too much, so you deserve a good rest. This is especially good if you can find someone to wait on your every need.

# Tomatoes
Hangover sufferers regularly eat tomatoes (soup, pasta sauce, raw, etc.) to ease their symptoms. They’re rich in vitamin C, which gets depleted after a night of drinking. This may explain why the classic morning-after drink, Bloody Mary, is so popular.

# Hair of the Dog

Did you know that Jan. 1 is also National Bloody Mary Day? Nothing helps a hangover like a little “hair of the dog,”
This is not one for the faint-hearted. Research has shown that it works – but only temporarily. While your body is busy dealing with a new intake of booze, it suspends its torture. But once you stop drinking you’re likely to go back to hangover hell.

# Fruit Juice
Juice, especially freshly-squeezed, works well because it replaces lost vitamins, the fruit sugar (fructose) boosts your energy levels, and it may play a part in speeding up your body’s toxin-ridding process.



# Roll in the Hay
When you’ve tried all else (better still, before) get together with, or on top of, the one you love. The exercise will get your blood flowing. And the rest, well you know what that does. When you’re done, you can down a big drink of water and slip back into a peaceful slumber.

This just might be the best Hangover cure! It’s taken years of field research to arrive at this conclusion!!!!!

Or you may wish to Give Up Drinking. These Ladies may convince you that you should!!!

http://www.e-forwards.com/2010/08/would-you-give-up-drinking/

Slainte ~ Happy St. Patrick’s Day

Sláinte is commonly used as a drinking toast in Ireland, Scotland and the Isle of Man,  literally translating as “health”. There are numerous circumstances in which slainte may be used. In bars, many people salute each other with a “slainte” before drinking, or after someone has purchased a drink for someone. It may also be said as a toast at the start of a meal or celebration, collectively welcoming all of the attendees and wishing them good health.

May the road rise to meet you, the wind be always at your back, the sun shine warm upon your face and, until we meet again, may God hold you in the palm of His hand.

– Irish Blessing

An Irishman, by the name of O’Malley proposed to his girl on St. Patrick’s Day. He gave her a ring with a synthetic diamond. The excited young lass showed it to her father, a jeweller. He took one look at it and saw it wasn’t real.

The young lass on learning it wasn’t real returned to her future husband. She protested vehemently about his cheapness.

‘It was in honour of St. Patrick’s Day, ‘he smiled.

‘I gave you a sham rock.’

Happy St. Paddy’s Day

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Have a Great St. Patrick’s Day!

But not too good!

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What to Do When Reddit is Down

You could always

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Practice your Warlock Skills.

St. Patrick’s Day  or Not – Just Order a ‘few’ Guinness!

You could just stare at the blank computer screen!

How to Catch a Leprechaun

A leprechaun (Irish: leipreachán) is a type of fairy in Irish Folklore, usually taking the form of an old man, clad in a red or green coat, who enjoys partaking in mischief.

According to popular belief, a leprechaun possesses a treasure (usually a pot of gold) which a human may obtain if he succeeds in capturing one, which is extremely difficult.

Even after capture, a person may not take his eyes off of him for an instant, for then he will vanish.

Leprechaun Trap

You can build a Leprechaun Trap out of almost anything. You could use a net or a box but remember to colour the trap with green and red.

The best bait for a leprechaun is a gold coin and a little Poitin or Poteen. I just colour little stones with gold paint. Leprechauns love a wee sip of the hard stuff – poteen! Poitn is brewed from potatoes (an Irish favourite) or barley and it ranges between 90 – 100% proof! So be sure you don’t take the offer of a drink from a leprechaun if you do catch a leprechaun or you’ll wake up with a sore head and no gold!

The very best place to place your trap is at the end of a Rainbow in Ireland.

Leprechaun Jokes and One Liners

A ventriloquist with a Leprechaun as his dummy is telling Irish jokes in a pub, when an irate Irishman stands up : “You’re making’ out we’re all dumb and stupid. I oughtta punch you in the nose.” 

“I’m sorry sir, I…”

“Not you,” says the Irishman, “I’m talking to that little fella on your knee.”

 

 

 

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Q: Why can’t you borrow money from a leprechaun?

A: Because they’re always a

little short.

Q: Why do leprechauns have pots o’gold?

A: They like to “go” first class!

Q: Why did the leprechaun stand on the potato?

A:To keep from falling in the stew!

Q: Do leprechauns make good secretaries?

A:Sure, they’re great at shorthand!

Q: How did the leprechaun beat the Irishman to the pot of gold?

A:He took a shortcut!

Q: What do leprechauns love to barbecue?

A:Short ribs!

Q: Why are leprechauns so hard to get along with?

A:Because they’re very short-tempered!

Leprechaun Poems

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Leprechaun Stew

Happy St. Patrick’s Day

Anyone acquainted with Ireland knows

that the morning of St. Patrick’s Day

consists of the night of the seventeenth

of March flavored strongly with

the morning of the eighteenth.  ~Author Unknown

For each petal on the shamrock
This brings a wish your way -
Good health, good luck, and happiness
For today and every day.
~Author Unknown

May your blessings outnumber
The shamrocks that grow,
And may trouble avoid you
Wherever you go.
~Irish Blessing

An Irish Wish for St. Patrick’s Day

Paddy and His Missing Wife -Irish Joke

Paddy was tooling along the road one fine day when the local policeman, a friend of his, pulled him over.“What’s wrong, Seamus?” Paddy asked. 

“Well didn’t ya know, Paddy, that your wife fell out of the car about five miles back?” said Seamus.

“Ah, praise The Almighty!” Paddy replied with relief. “I thought I’d gone deaf!”

Shamus and another fight with the Little Woman

Walking into the bar, Shamus said to O’Heir the bartender, ‘Pour me a stiff one – just had another fight with the little woman.’

‘O, bejabbers,’ said O’Heir, ‘And how did this one end?’

‘Hah, when it was over,’ Shamus replied, ‘she came to me on her hands and knees.’

‘Really?’ cried O’Heir, ‘now that’s a switch!  What did she say?’

She said, ‘Come out from under the bed, Shamus, you little chicken.’

funny emails

Irish Virus and Irish Curse -Email Forward For St. Patrick’s Day

Happy St. Paddy’s Day!

Click below for more Irish and St. Patrick’s Day Jokes and Humor

http://www.e-forwards.com/category/st-patricks-day/