Hope these Vampire and Dracula jokes are not too painful?
Three vampires went into a bar and sat down. The barmaid came over to take their orders. “And what would you, er, gentlemen like tonight?”
The first vampire said, “I’ll have a mug of blood.” The second vampire said, “I’ll have a mug of blood.”
The third vampire shook his head at his companions and said, “I will have a glass of plasma.”
The barmaid wrote down each order, went to the bar and called to the bartender,
“Two bloods and a blood light.”
TOP COMPLAINTS OF MODERN-DAY VAMPIRES
Three words: Daylight Savings Time
Can’t enjoy a meal at BURGER KING without some redneck yelling, “Look…it’s Elvis!!”
After 45 years of Communist rule, it’s impossible to find clean, uncontaminated Transylvanian soil for bottom of coffin.
No bat is safe with Ozzy Ozbourne around.
All the crucifix-wearing Madonna clones make finding easy victims difficult.
No warm blood for miles around DC.
Fatty blood tastes like crap! Like the KFC Double Burger
Q: What has webbed feet, feathers, fangs and goes quack-quack? A: Count Duckula
Q: What does a vampire fear most? A: Tooth decay
Q: Where did the vampire open his savings account? A: At a blood bank
Q: What does a baby bat say before going to bed? A: Turn on the dark. I’m afraid of the light
Q: What is Transylvania? A: Dracula’s terror-tory
Q: Where does Dracula water ski? A: On Lake Erie
Q: How do vampires get around on Halloween night? A: By blood vessels.
Q: What’s the part of a restaurant where vampires don’t suck blood? A: The non-Suckers section.
Q: What kind of ship does Dracula own A: Blood vessel.
Q: Why doesn’t anyone like Count Dracula? A: He’s a pain in the neck.
Q: What does Dracula say when introduced to someone? A: “Hello, pleased to eat you!”
Q: How do vampires drive around? A: In their bloodmobiles.
Q: What is Dracula’s position in baseball? A: Batboy
Q: Who is the Dracula’s super hero girl friend? A: Bat Ghoul.
Q. What did Dracula say after reading Halloween jokes? A. They bite!
Q. Where does Count Dracula usually eat his lunch? A. At the casketeria.
Q. What is a vampire’s favorite fruit? A: A necktarine
Q. Why doesn’t Dracula mind the doctor looking at his throat. A. Because of the coffin.
Q. What songs does Dracula hate? A. “You Are My Sunshine” and “Sunshine on my Shoulders.
Q. Why doesn’t anybody like Dracula? A. He has a bat temper.
Q. Why did Dracula go to the dentist? A. He had a fang-ache.
Q. Who does Dracula get letters from? A. His fang club.
Q. Why did Dracula take cold medicine? A. To stop his coffin.
Q. Why does Dracula wear patent leather shoes? A. Sandals don’t look good with his tuxedo.
Q. What did Dracula have for dessert? A. Whine & Ice scream
Q. What is Dracula’s favorite restaraunt? A. Murder King
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