Answers to WHY TEACHERS DRINK

Why Teachers Drink – Because Grading is so difficult!!!

Have you ever experienced grading / marking like this?

Dept of Statistics: All grades are plotted along the normal bell curve.

Dept of Psychology: Students are asked to blot ink in their exam books, close them and turn them in. The prof opens the books and assigns the first grade that comes to mind.

Dept of History: All students get the same grade they got last year.

Dept of Religion: Grade is determined by God.

Dept of Philosophy: What is a grade?

Law School: Students are asked to defend their position of why they should receive an A.

Dept of Logic: If and only if the student is present for the final and the student has accumulated a passing grade then the student will receive an A else the student will not receive an A.

Dept of Computer Science: Random number generator determines grade.

Music Department: Each student must figure out his grade by listening to the instructor play the corresponding note (+ and – would be sharp and flat respectively).

Dept of Physical Education: Everybody gets an A.

English is Hard to Learn! – Back to School

‘I refuse to read this refuse!’

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A poem showing how Absurd the English Language is.

When the English tongue we speak.
Why is break not rhymed with freak?
Will you tell me why it’s true
We say sew but likewise few?
And the maker of the verse,
Cannot rhyme his horse with worse?
Beard is not the same as heard
Cord is different from word.
Cow is cow but low is low
Shoe is never rhymed with foe.
Think of hose, dose,and lose

And think of goose and yet with choose

Think of comb, tomb and bomb,
Doll and roll or home and some.
Since pay is rhymed with say
Why not paid with said I pray?
Think of blood, food and good.
Mould is not pronounced like could.
Wherefore done, but gone and lone -
Is there any reason known?
To sum up all, it seems to me
Sound and letters don’t agree.

This was written by Lord Cromer, published in the Spectator of August 9th, 1902

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AND other strange English Language facts

He could lead if he would get the lead out.

A farm can produce produce.

The dump was so full it had to refuse refuse.

The soldier decided to desert in the desert.

The present is a good time to present the present.

At the Army base, a bass was painted on the head of a bass drum.

The dove dove into the bushes.

I did not object to the object.

The insurance for the invalid was invalid.

The bandage was wound around the wound.

There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.

They were too close to the door to close it.

The buck does funny things when the does are present.

They sent a sewer down to stitch the tear in the sewer line.

To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.

The wind was too strong to wind the sail.

After a number of Novocain injections, my jaw got number.

I shed a tear when I saw the tear in my clothes.

I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.

How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?

I spent last evening evening out a pile of dirt.

We polish the Polish furniture.

And Finally:

There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple.

English muffins weren’t invented in England or French fries in France.

Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren’t sweet, are meat.

Quicksand can work slowly.

Boxing rings are square and

if vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat??????

Incredible Answers In IAS Examination ~ [Indian Administrative Service]

Q. How can you drop a raw egg onto a concrete floor without cracking it?
A. Concrete floors are very hard to crack! (UPSC Topper)

Q. If it took eight men ten hours to build a wall, how long would it take four men to build it?
A. No time at all it is already built. (UPSC 23rd Rank Opted for IFS)

Q. If you had three apples and four oranges in one hand and four apples and three oranges in the other hand, what would you have?
A. Very large hands. (Good one) (UPSC 11 Rank Opted for IPS)

Q. How can you lift an elephant with one hand?
A. you will never find an elephant with one hand. (UPSC Rank 14 Opted for IES)

Q. How can a man go eight days without sleep?
A. No Probs, He sleeps at night. (UPSC IAS Rank 98)

Q. If you throw a red stone into the blue sea what it will become?
A. It will Wet or Sink as simple as that. (UPSC IAS Rank 2)

Q. What looks like half apple ?
A: The other half. (UPSC – IAS Topper )

Q. What can you never eat for breakfast?
A: Dinner.

Q. Bay of Bengal is in which state?
A: Liquid (UPSC 33 Rank)

Interviewer said “I shall either ask you ten easy questions or one really difficult question. Think well before you make up your mind!” The boy thought for a while and said, “my choice is one really difficult question.” “Well, good luck to you, you have made your own choice! Now tell me this.
“What comes first, Day or Night?”
The boy was jolted into reality as his admission depends on the correctness of his answer, but he thought for a while and said, “It’s the DAY sir!”
“How” the interviewer asked.
“Sorry sir, you promised me that you will not ask me a SECOND difficult question!”
He was selected for IIM!

Technical Skill is the mastery of complexity, while Creativity is the master of presence of mind.
This is a famous paper written for an Oxford philosophy exam, normally requiring an eight page essay answer and expected to be backed up with source material, quotes and analytical reasoning. This guy wrote the below answer and topped the exam!

OXFORD EXAMINATION BOARD 1987, ESSAY QUESTION
Question: What is courage? (50 Marks)
Answer (After 7 blank pages, at the end of the last page…): This is courage.

Little Johnny and the Modern Classroom

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Teachers who cannot keep students involved and excited for several hours in the classroom should not be there.  John Roueche

It’s a different world.

Difficult to keep up with technology.

No need for Text Books.

How do you plan a curriculum?

Little Johnny ~ Circumcised!

The English language and what it really means!!!!!!!!!! Bless Little Johnny’s heart!

World Teachers’ Day ~ October 5, 2012 But Not in America

Since 1994 World Teachers’ Day is celebrated on 5 October.

It is an opportunity for UNESCO and Education International to celebrate

the profession and to promote international standards for the teaching profession.

This day is celebrated in many countries except the United States where it seems the theme should be:

destroy public education and teachers’ moral

Tenure laws were originally passed — New Jersey was first in 1909 — to protect teachers from being fired because of race, sex, political views or cronyism.

But:

To save money, many politicians want to destroy the teacher unions. Although this may also destroy the public school system, many politicians don’t care because their kids go to private schools or public schools in affluent areas.

Most politicians in Washington are millionaires!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 Governors in Florida, Idaho, Indiana, Nevada and New Jersey have called for the elimination or dismantling of tenure.

NJ Governor Chris Christie’s plans to gut public education!

Recently elected Wisconsin Republican Governor Scott Walker has proposed a bill that would eliminate almost all collective bargaining rights for most public workers and slash their pay and benefits.

More than 500 teachers and support staff demonstrated at the Detroit Public Schools headquarters to protest the draconian wage and benefits cuts recently imposed by Emergency Financial Manager Roy Roberts.

Roberts is a former General Motors manager who succeeded EFM Robert Bobb, who had been appointed by the then Michigan Governor Jennifer Granholm in 2009. Under Bobb’s tenure, scores of schools were shuttered and thousands of schools employees’ jobs eliminated. Roberts, for his part, has wasted no time in exercising his dictatorial powers to impose a new round of attacks on teachers.

.In her gubernatorial campaign, California billionaire Meg Whitman fancies herself a turnaround artist, not unlike CEOs who take on failing companies and put them in the black. In her analysis of why the nation’s most populous state and the world’s 12th largest economy has a chronically dysfunctional government, one villain stands out: public-employee unions.

The war that is being waged on the middle-class by Americans For Prosperity and their lackeys in Republican governor’s mansions has been ongoing for some time, but their latest escalation to include public school teachers as their primary target is beyond comprehension for reasonable Americans. The concerted effort by Republican governors to use teacher unions as scapegoats for budget deficits is a ploy to engender suspicion and hatred for our most valued public servants. Besides directing public anger at school teachers, Republicans are concealing funding mismanagement and corporate tax giveaways that are heavily contributing to state deficits.

Who Wants To Be a Teacher

After being interviewed by the school administration, the prospective teacher said:

‘Let me see if I’ve got this right.

‘You want me to go into that room with all those kids, correct their disruptive behavior, observe them for signs of abuse, monitor their dress habits, censor their T-shirt messages, and instill in them a love for learning.

‘You want me to check their backpacks for weapons, wage war on drugs and sexually transmitted diseases, and raise their sense of self esteem and personal pride.

‘You want me to teach them patriotism and good citizenship, sportsmanship and fair play, and how to register to vote, balance a check book, and apply for a job.

‘You want me to check their heads for lice, recognize signs of antisocial behavior, and make sure that they all pass the final exams

 ‘You also want me to provide them with an equal education regardless of their handicaps, and communicate regularly with their parents in English, Spanish or any other language, by letter, telephone, newsletter, and report card.

‘You want me to do all this with a piece of chalk, a blackboard, a bulletin board, a few books, a big smile, and a starting salary that qualifies me for food stamps.

-without support from many parents ( When I was a student, If I got in trouble at school I got in more trouble at home)

-with dwindling budgets and support

-with a great deal of stress

-with a huge workload

-with low status

-after 5 years of College or University Education

‘You want me to do all this and then you tell me. . .

I will not be able to have security (tenure) and have the threat of losing my job if students perform poorly on state, or federal tests (which are a waste of money and time). Or, to save money, a principal can let me go after a few years so that he/she can hire a new teacher at a lower pay scale.

Destroy teachers moral, decrease spending in poor performing schools, increase class sizes … When will the stupidity end?

When the people who make the decisions and have the power put their children in private schools, why should they care about Public Education? The sad answer is they don’t!

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Many people believe that they are experts on teaching. After all, we spent so many years in a classroom!

But many are unaware of the new realities in public schools today.

Evaluating teachers by using test scores is all fine and good but you might as well evaluate a retail worker on how happy her customers are about the price of the products.

Back to School – Best Quotes about Education and School Days

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• I have never let my schooling interfere with my education. - Mark Twain
• My school days were the happiest days of my life; which should give you some indication of the misery I’ve endured over the past twenty-five years. - Paul Merton
• I took a test in Existentialism. I left all the answers blank and got 100. – Woody Allen
• My school was so tough the school newspaper had an obituary section. - Norm Crosby
• Smartness runs in my family. When I went to school I was so smart my teacher was in my class for five years.
• I’m not going to buy my kids an encyclopaedia.  Let them walk to school like I did. - Yogi Berra
• In elementary school, in case of fire you have to line up quietly in a single file line from the smallest to the tallest. What is the logic? Do tall people burn slower? - Warren Hutcherson

• You learn something every day if you pay attention. - Ray LeBlond

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• In youth we learn; in age we understand - Von Ebner-Eschenbach
• If there were no schools to take the children away from home part of the time, the insane asylums would be filled with mothers. -Edgar W. Howe

• funny emails, funny stuff

Funny Sayings About Teachers and School – Little Johnny Jokes

Little Johnny and Maps – Back at School

The teacher of the earth science class was lecturing on map reading.

After explaining about latitude, longitude, degrees and minutes the teacher asked, “Suppose I asked you to meet me for lunch at 23 degrees, 4 minutes north latitude and 45 degrees, 15 minutes east longitude…?”

After a confused silence, Little Johnny volunteered, “I guess you’d be eating alone.”

funny emails, funny stuff,  stupid

Back to School Jokes and Little Johnny

A teacher had been giving her second-grade students a lesson on science. She had explained about magnets and showed how they would pick up nails and other bits of iron. Now it was question time, and she asked, “My name begins with the letter ‘M’ and I pick up things. What am I?”

Little Johnny, in the back row proudly said, “You’re a mother!”

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Little Johnny reported for a final examination that consisted of only true/false questions. He took a seat in the hall, stared at the test for five minutes, removed a coin from his pocket and started tossing the coin and marking the answer sheet. Heads meant true, tails meant false. Little Johnny finished the exam in 30 minutes, while the rest of the class was sweating it out. Suddenly, during the last few minutes, he began desperately throwing the coin and sweating profusely. The moderator, alarmed, approached Little Johnny and asked what was going on. “Well, I finished the exam in half an hour,” he said, “but I thought I ought to recheck my answers.”