Two Great Gifts For Valentine’s Day
For that Special Valentine in your life,
you might want to consider the following two GREAT GIFT IDEAS.
They are free
No tax
No special equipment needed,
No batteries or parts
Always arrive on time
Guaranteed to please
Extremely Personal
Shipping is free
and they are returnable
A MASSAGE
AND A HUG
Just open up your arms
And open up your hearts.
Research shows that our skin is teeming
with nerve fibres which spring into action when we are
cuddled, hugged, massaged or gently touched.
They transmit the information back to the brain’s emotional hub,
creating feelings of pleasure.
Did you know that, if you visualise, you can actually hug on the phone? ~ Shelly Long
Where I live if someone gives you a hug it’s from the heart. ~ Steve Irwin
A hug is like a boomerang – you get it back right away. ~ Bil Keane
But remember,
a hug without a squeeze
is like apple pie without cheese.
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LOST MY WIFE
Man: I lost my wife……………
Inspector: What is her height…….
Man: I never noticed………….
Inspector: Slim or healthy………….
Man: Not slim can be healthy…………
Inspector: Color of eyes………..
Man: Never noticed………..
Inspector: Color of hair…………….
Man: Changes according to season……….
Inspector: What was she wearing………..
Man: Dress/suit/ I don’t remember exactly……..
Inspector: Was somebody with her ?????????Man: Yes my Labrador dog, Romeo, tied with a golden chain, height 30 inches, healthy, blue eyes, blackish brown hair, his left foot thumb nail is slightly broken, he never barks, wearing a golden belt studded with blue balls, he likes non veg food, we eat together, we jog together. And the man started crying…………..
Inspector: Lets search for the dog first !!!!!!!
Marriage Sarcasm
A man said his credit card was stolen but he decided not to report it because the thief was spending less than his wife did.
Marriage is the chief cause of divorce.
When I married MR. RIGHT, I didn’t know his first name was ALWAYS!
The wise never marry – And when they marry they become otherwise.
When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing: either the car is new or the wife.
Drink ’till she’s cute, but stop before the wedding.
Our marriage was a love match. Plain and simple, she was plain and I was simple!
Marriage is grand… and divorce is about 10 grand.
Marriage is not a word. It is a sentence (a life sentence!).
Marriage is the mourning after the knot before.
Marriage is the only sport in which the trapped animal has to buy the license.
Marriage is when a man and woman become as one; the trouble starts when they try to decide which one.
Marriage means commitment. Of course, so does insanity.
A Promise is a Promise
A man received a letter from some kidnappers. The letter said, “If you don’t promise to send us $100,000, we promise you we will kidnap your wife.” The poor man wrote back, ” I am afraid I can’t keep my promise but I hope you will keep yours.”
THE BOSS
It doesn’t matter how often a husband changes his job; he still ends up with the same boss.
NOT JUST IN AFRICA
A boy asks his father, “Dad, is it true, I heard in some parts of Africa a man doesn’t know his wife until he marries her.”
His dad replies, “That happens in every country son!”
THE WIZARD
An old man went to a wizard to see if he could remove a “curse” he’d had been living with for 40 years. the wizard says to him, “Maybe, but you’d have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the curse on you!”
The old man replies without hesitation, “I now pronounce you man and wife!”
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How to Say I Love You on Valentine’s Day
“When is Valentine’s Day 2012?”
Valentine’s Day falls on February 14 in 2012 as it does every year.
February 14 is a Tuesday in 2012
***
IF you are not sure how your lover will respond, then the gift of roses is always a safe bet.
However, if you are a little courageous, try the following unique Valentine’s gifts:
Nothing beats a great Massage!
A Massage is a Great Gift!
For the really courageous (or stupid), try the iRon.
**
Let me know how they respond to this Valentine Gift Coupon!
This little Mini Pig could be a great gift for Valentine’s Day.
Can you imagine her reaction?
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Best and Cutest Breast Cancer email
Best T-shirt in 2012! — Too Cute!!!
This is the best Breast Cancer forward I’ve ever received!
All you are asked to do is keep this circulating. Even if it’s to one more person. In memory of anyone you know that has been struck down by cancer or is still living with it. Please Keep This Candle Going! A Candle Loses Nothing by Lighting Another Candle.
A small request: All you are asked to do is keep this circulating.
It’s not the words we know that show wisdom, but how and when we use them.
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Sexual Satisfaction Increases with Age
A new study reveals that women’s satisfaction in the bedroom increases with age, even as sexual desire wanes.
The study, analyzed sexual activity, desire and satisfaction in a group of women, age 40 or older, with a median age of 67 years. The 806 women studied were part of the Rancho Bernardo Study, which has tracked the health of residents within a planned community in San Diego for 40 years.
The majority of women — including sexually active and sexually inactive respondents — were moderately or very satisfied with their sex lives, and the frequency at which women were very satisfied with their sex lives increased with respondents’ ages. Likewise, nearly two-thirds of the women reported at least moderate satisfaction with their sexual relationships. The study was published in The American Journal of Medicine this month.
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How do you get a job like that???
Judges select from hundreds of contestants vying for a spot in the Miss Universe. Beautiful women from over 80 countries and territories will compete for the title.
I bet there is more competition for the right to become a judge!
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I Married One For the Money…
The local news station was interviewing an 80 year old lady, because she had just gotten married for the fourth time. The interviewer asked her questions about her life, about what it felt like to be marrying again at 80 and then about her new husband’s occupation! “He’s a funeral director,” she answered. “Interesting,” the newsman thought. He then asked her if she wouldn’t mind telling him a little about her first three husbands and what they did for a living. She paused for a few moments, needing time to reflect on all those years. After a short time, a smile came to her face and she answered proudly, explaining that she had first married a banker when she was in her early 20s, then a circus ringmaster when in her 40s, and a preacher when in her 60s, and now in her 80s, a funeral director.
Astonished, the interviewer looked at her and asked, “Why did you marry four men with such diverse careers?”
She smiled and explained, “I married one for the money, two for the show, three to get ready and four to go.”
