2012 London Summer Olympics Humor and Jokes
“The Olympics is my favourite sporting event. Although I have a problem with that silver medal. When you think about it, you win the gold – you feel good, you win the bronze – you think, ‘Well at least I got something’. But when you win silver, it’s like, ‘Congratulations, you ‘almost’ won. Of all the losers, you came in first of that group. You’re the number one ‘loser.’ No one lost ahead of you.”
Jerry Seinfeld
The Anti-Social London Games
To Shake or Not To Shake…
British Athletes are being advised to NOT shake competitors hands during the games. The chance of getting sick may hinder their chances of doing their best. The advice was described as “a bit odd” by Debrett’s, the accepted authority on British etiquette. “It is the normal English greeting,” the etiquette adviser Liz Wyse told the Associated Press. “It is a bit of a sad thing if people are worried about shaking hands in case it spreads disease. It’s not very sociable.”
Olympic Vuvuzelas????
While visiting South Africa during the 2010 World Cup, London Mayor Boris Johnson made it clear that he doesn’t want the horns to catch on back home. “I’m not convinced that we are going to need an Olympic vuvuzela,” Johnson said “It’s a wonderful thing. It’s a beautiful instrument. It’s very easy to master, but I don’t think we’ll necessarily be issuing them to the crowds.”
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Greek Warship not allowed to storm London
Plans to sail an ancient Greek warship down the Thames as part of the Olympic opening ceremony have been abandoned amid fears it would prove too popular and become a safety hazard, it has been claimed. Greece is furious that their plans have been “sunk.”
Never heard such nonsense ~ TOO POPULAR????
Isn’t that what they want?
Many Bristish football (male) fans were upset with the new coin that explains the offside rule.
The Royal Mint published a diagram on the back of a 50p coin which explains how the offside rule works.
They felt the diagram should have looked like this:
Betting Advice: I’m putting all my Money on the Italian in the Olympic swimming final. I don’t know his name but apparently he’s a postman in Venice.
One of my friends was bragging that he made the Olympic Team. What does he want ~ a medal?
It’s 2012 Olympics in London. A Scotsman, Englishman and Irishman want to get in but don’t have tickets. The Scotsman picks up a manhole cover, tucks it under his arm and walks to the gate, “Mcleish, Scotland, discus” he says, and walks in.
The Englishman puts a scaffolding pole over his shoulder, “Jones, England, pole vault” he says, and walks in.
The Irishman picks up a roll of barbed wire and tucks it under his arm, “O’Leary, Ireland, fencing”
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At the Olympic Games, Rhoda meets a man carrying an eight-foot-long metal stick.
‘Excuse me,’ says Rhoda to the man. ‘Are you a pole vaulter?’
‘No,”‘ says the man, ‘I’m German, but how did you know my name is Walter?’
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Olympic VIPs will be escorted around London in 4,000 BMWs – so much for the ‘green Games!
The latest news is that Victoria Beckham has turned down the offer to perform at the opening ceremony with the Spice Girls. That’s their idea of world class entertainment before the world’s stage? A washed up 1990′s group of lip syncing girls? It’s England. They couldn’t ask Paul McCartney and Ringo Starr? Cold Play, the Who or maybe Adele? They ask the Spice Girls?
England’s genius has always been in inventing things, not building them. I bet you they are using imported construction labour.
Most importantly, will Lillibet be there? Chuck and Camilla? Wills and Kate (and will she finally be preggers)? Maybe Royal Watching will be an Olympic event this year. Who is designing the hats for the British team to wear when they enter the stadium?
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Pete Jones turned up for the Olympics with some barbed wire under his arm, and came third in the fencing.
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Paul Hamm, Gymnast: I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother and father.
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Olympic Boxing Analyst: Sure there have been injuries, and even some deaths in boxing, but none of them really that serious.
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Olympic Football commentator: If history repeats itself, I should think we can expect the same thing again.
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Olympic Basketball analyst: He dribbles a lot and the opposition doesn’t like it. In fact you can see it all over their faces.
The Olympic Diving Champion
A young man from London met a beautiful American tourist and he decided he wanted to marry her right away.
She protested, “But we don’t know anything about each other.”
He replied, “That’s all right; we’ll learn about each other as we go along.”
So she consented, and they were married and went on a honeymoon to a very nice resort.
One morning, they were lying by the pool when he got up off his towel, climbed up to the 10 meter board and did a two and a half tuck gainer, entering the water perfectly, almost without a ripple. This was followed by a three rotations in jackknife position before he again straightened out and cut the water like a knife. After a few more demonstrations, he came back and lay down on his towel.
She said, “That was incredible!”
He said, “I’m training for the 2102 Summer Olympics. You see, I told you we’d learn more about ourselves as we went along.”
So she got up, jumped in the pool and started doing laps. She was moving so fast that the froth from her pushing off at one end of the pool would hardly be gone before she was already touching the other end of the pool!
She did laps in freestyle, breast stroke, even butterfly! After about thirty laps, completed in mere minutes, she climbed back out and lay down on her towel, barely breathing hard.
He said, “That was incredible! Are you an Olympic endurance swimmer?”
“No,” she said, “I was a hooker in Alabama and I worked both sides of the Tennessee River.”
Simon Williams, head of Weymouth and Portland’s 2012 operations team, said the sandcastle was always going to be demolished after a photo call.
The town and neighbouring Portland will host the sailing events at the Games.
Mr Williams said an “organisational decision” had been taken to dismantle the 4m by 2m (13ft by 6.5ft) sandcastle, prior to it being built.
The decision to tear it down was ~”based on the fact, as I understand it, the way it was constructed,” he said.
“It was not all sand and clearly if you have a very large sand structure with other structural elements in it, if it was to collapse while unattended, I’m sure you media guys would be on our back straight away.”
Perhaps the biggest joke of all:
April 2012 London Olympic Budget:
The current budget is almost four times the estimated cost of staging the Games at the time of the bid in 2005.
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Organizers of the 2012 London Summer Olympics were feeling buoyant
— as the Olympic rings floated down the Thames
We may never know if Andreas Thorkildsen, the Javelin thrower from Norway, broke the world record. Apparently the military thought his javelin was a threat so they shot it down with a roof top missile.
Q: Why did they send the Olympic judge out in search of the lost wedding ring?
A: Because he was a medal detector.
Q: Where does the track and field team keep its Olympic medals?
A: In the pole vault.
Q: Why isn’t sun-tanning an Olympic sport?
A: Because the best you can ever get is bronze.
