Posts Tagged ‘email forward’

Mother’s Day Reflection 2013

Mom is Wow

~ Mother’s Day Reflection

When is Mother’s Day 2013?

**
Mother’s Day is Sunday, May 12, 2013

Mother’s Day is a celebration honoring mothers and motherhood, maternal bonds, and the influence of mothers in society. It is celebrated on various days in many parts of the world, most commonly in March, April or May. It complements Father’s Day, a similar celebration honoring fathers.

Mother’s Day is an American invention. It is not directly descended from the many celebrations of mothers and motherhood that have occurred throughout the world over thousands of years, such as the Greek cult to Cybele, the Roman festival of Hilaria, or the ChristianMothering Sunday celebration.^[1][2][3][4] Despite this, in some countries Mother’s Day has become synonymous with these older traditions. ~ wikipedia

Tiger Woods Lindsey Vonn Interesting Romance

However, things must have changed because Lindsey Vonn is officially single.

The 28-year-old gold medalist, who is the most decorated female skier in U.S. history, is officially divorced from her husband and former coach, Thomas Vonn.

The couple filed for divorce in November 2011 after four years of marriage.

Still believe it is one of the dumbest and questionable dating choices in recent years. 

Lindsey must have had a few too many falls on the slopes???

Hope she keeps her ski poles handy!

Just wondering if Tiger ever got his golf club back?

Inspirational Story Sandford Fleming and Winston Churchill

His name was Fleming, and he was a poor Scottish farmer. One day, while trying to make a living for his family, he heard a cry for help coming from a nearby bog. He dropped his tools 

and ran to the bog..

There, mired to his waist in black muck, was a terrified boy, screaming and struggling to free himself. Farmer Fleming saved the lad from what could have been a slow and terrifying death.

The next day, a fancy carriage pulled up to the Scotsman’s sparse surroundings. An elegantly dressed nobleman stepped out and introduced himself as the father of the boy Farmer Fleming had saved.

‘I want to repay you,’ said the nobleman. ‘You saved my son’s life.’

‘No, I can’t accept payment for what I did,’ the Scottish farmer replied waving off the offer. At that moment, the farmer’s own son came to the door of the family hovel.

‘Is that your son?’ the nobleman asked.

‘Yes,’ the farmer replied proudly.

‘I’ll make you a deal. Let me provide him with the level of education my own son will enjoy If the lad is anything like        his father, he’ll no doubt grow to be a man we both will be proud of.’ And that he did.

Farmer Fleming’s son attended the very best schools and in time, graduated from St. Mary’s Hospital Medical School in London, and went on to become known throughout the world as the noted Sir Alexander Fleming, the discoverer of Penicillin.

Years afterward, the same nobleman’s son who was saved from the bog was stricken with pneumonia.

What saved his life this time? Penicillin.

The name of the nobleman? Lord Randolph Churchill .. His son’s name?

Sir Winston Churchill.

Someone once said: What goes around comes around.

Work like you don’t need the money.

Love like you’ve never been hurt.

Dance like nobody’s watching.

Sing like nobody’s listening..

Live like it’s Heaven on Earth.

Send this to everyone you consider A FRIEND.

Pass this on, and brighten some one’s day.

A PROUD CANADIAN JOKE

A photographer on vacation was inside a church taking photographs when he noticed a golden telephone mounted on the wall with a sign that read ‘$10,000 per call’.

The American, being intrigued, asked a priest who was strolling by what the telephone was used for.

The priest replied that it was a direct line to heaven and that for $10,000 you could talk to God.

The American thanked the priest and went along his way.

Next stop was in Atlanta. There, at a very large cathedral, he saw the same golden telephone with the same sign under it.

He wondered if this was the same kind of telephone he saw inOrlando and he asked a nearby nun what its purpose was.

She told him that it was a direct line to heaven and that for $10,000 he could talk to God.

‘O.K., thank you,’ said the American.

He then travelled to Indianapolis, Washington, Philadelphia, Boston, and New York.

In every church he saw the same golden telephone with the same ‘$10,000 per call’ sign under it.

The American, upon leaving Vermont decided to travel up to Canada to see if Canadians had the same phone.

He arrived in Canada, and again, in the first church he entered, there was the same golden telephone, but this time the sign under it read ’50 cents per call.’

The American was surprised so he asked the priest about the sign. ‘Father, I’ve travelled all over America and I’ve seen this same golden telephone in many churches. I’m told that it is a direct line to heaven, but in the US the price was$10,000 per call. Why is it so cheap here?’

The priest smiled and answered, ‘You’re in Canada now, son … it’s a local call.’

KEEP SMILING

If you are proud to be a Canadian pass this on!

AND IF YOU ARE A PROUD AMERICAN

WHO CAN TAKE A JOKE,

YOU MAY PASS THIS ON TOO!

Funny Newspaper Headlines

Why you still need the newspaper…

GOD CREATED CHILDREN (AND IN THE PROCESS, GRANDCHILDREN!)

To those of us who have children in our lives,  Whether they are our own, grandchildren,  Nieces, nephews, or students…  Here is something to make you chuckle.  Whenever your children are out of control, you can take comfort from the thought that even God’s omnipotence did not extend to His own children. After creating heaven and earth, God created Adam and Eve. And the first thing he said was ‘DON’T! ‘ ‘Don’t what ?’ Adam replied. ‘Don’t eat the forbidden fruit.’ God said. ‘Forbidden fruit? We have forbidden fruit? Hey Eve..we have forbidden fruit! ’ ‘ No Way ! ‘ ‘Yes way! ‘ ‘Do NOT eat the fruit! ’ said God. ‘Why? ’ ‘Because I am your Father and I said so! ‘ God replied, wondering Why He hadn’t stopped creation after making the elephants. A few minutes later, God saw His children Having an apple break and He was ticked ! ‘Didn’t I tell you not to eat the fruit? ’ God asked.   ‘Uh huh,’ Adam replied. ‘Then why did you? ‘ said the Father. ‘I don’t know,’ said Eve. ‘She started it! ’ Adam said. ‘Did not ! ’ ‘Did too! ’ ‘DID NOT! ’ Having had it with the two of them, God’s punishment was that Adam and Eve should have children of their own. Thus the pattern was set and it has never changed. If you have persistently and lovingly tried to give children wisdom And they haven’t taken it, don’t be hard on yourself. If God had trouble raising children, what makes you think It would be a piece of cake for you ? THINGS TO THINK ABOUT ! 1. You spend the first two years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next sixteen telling them to sit down and shut up. 2. Grandchildren are God’s reward for not killing your own children. 3. Mothers of teens now know why some animals eat their young. 4. Children seldom misquote you. In fact, they usually repeat Word for word what you shouldn’t have said. 5. The main purpose of holding children’s parties Is to remind yourself that there are children more awful than your own. 6. We childproofed our homes, but they are still getting in. ADVICE FOR THE DAY: Be nice to your kids.. They will choose your nursing home one day! AND FINALLY:  IF YOU HAVE A LOT OF TENSION AND YOU GET A HEADACHE, DO WHAT IT SAYS ON THE ASPIRIN BOTTLE:  ‘TAKE TWO ASPIRIN’ AND ‘KEEP AWAY FROM CHILDREN’!!!!!  Quick, send this on to ten people within the next five minutes. Nothing will happen if you don’t, but if you do, Ten people will be laughing!!

 

A Hot Air Balloonist and the Engineer

A man is flying in a hot air balloon and realizes he is lost. He reduces height and spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon further and shouts, “Excuse me, can you help me? I promised my friend I would meet him half an hour ago, but I don’t know where I am.”

The man below says, “Yes. You are in a hot air balloon, hovering approximately 30 feet above this field. You are between 40 and 42 degrees North latitude, and between 58 and 60 degrees West longitude.”

“You must be an engineer,” says the balloonist.

“I am,” replies the man. “How did you know?”

“Well,” says the balloonist, “everything you have told me is technically correct, but I have no idea what to make of your information, and the fact is I am still lost.”

The man below says, “You must be a manager.”

“I am,” replies the balloonist, “but how did you know?”

“Well,” says the man, “you don’t know where you are, or where you are going. You have made a promise which you have no idea how to keep, and you expect me to solve your problem. The fact is you are in the exact same position you were in before we met, but now it is somehow my fault.”

“The best executive is the one who has sense enough to pick good men to do what he wants done, and self-restraint to keep from meddling with them while they do it.” 
~ Theodore Roosevelt

HAPPY FAT TUESDAY 2013

Fat Tuesday, Mardi Gras, and Shrove Tuesday  are celebrated on Tuesday, the day before Ash Wednesday and the beginning of Lent.

Mardi Gras Day (Fat Tuesday) 2013 February 12th
Mardi Gras Day (Fat Tuesday) 2014 March 4th
Mardi Gras Day (Fat Tuesday) 2015 February 17th
Mardi Gras Day (Fat Tuesday) 2016 February 9th
Mardi Gras Day (Fat Tuesday) 2017 February 28th
Mardi Gras Day (Fat Tuesday) 2018 February 13th
Mardi Gras Day (Fat Tuesday) 2019 March 5th
Mardi Gras Day (Fat Tuesday) 2020 February 25th

( and Paczki Day – or doughnut day )

Mardi Gras is French for “Fat Tuesday” — the famous festival in New Orleans, Louisiana. “Gras” is French for fat and “Mardi” is French for Tuesday. In many areas, the term “Mardi Gras” has come to mean the whole period of activity related to the celebratory events, beyond just the single day.

Carnival is an important celebration in Catholic European nations. In the United Kingdom and Ireland, the week before Ash Wednesday is called ” shrovetide ” , ending on Shrove Tuesday. It has its popular celebratory aspects as well. Pancakes are a traditional food. Pancakes and related fried breads or pastries made with sugar, fat and eggs are also traditionally consumed at this time in many parts of Latin America and the Caribbean ~ wikipedia

Just what we need, a Fat Day!

My GUT FEELING is that they should change the name from Fat Tuesday to something like Good Tuesday!

Wish they had more FAT DAYS

GROUNDHOG DAY FUNNY PREDICTIONS

According to legend, if Punxsutawney Phil sees his shadow, there will be six more weeks of winter weather. If he does not see his shadow, there will be an early spring.

Predictions for Groundhog Day

Wonder if climate change interferes with Punxsutawney Phil’s predictions?

• What do you get when you cross a groundhog with a pistachio? 

  A green beast who predicts a dry spring, and acts like a nut.

• 

• On Groundhog Day, what does it mean if Punxsutawney Phil comes out and sees the village idiot?  

  Within 6 weeks you’ll have a village full of idiots.

• What happened when the groundhog met the dogcatcher?

  He became a pound hog!

Groundhog Day Joke

Over breakfast one morning, a woman said to her husband, ‘I bet you don’t know what day this is?’

‘Of course I do,’ he answered indignantly, as he slammed the door, and drove to his office.

At 11 o’clock, the doorbell rang.  The wife answered, and there at her front door was a UPS driver, in his had was a box containing 12 red roses. 

Later, at 2 pm there was another knock at the door, this time it was a deluxe box of Belgian chocolates.

Eventually the husband came home, tired after a hard day’s work.  His wife greeted him by saying: ‘First the flowers, then the chocolates, I’ve never had a more wonderful Groundhog Day in my life!’

Winter Driving Hazards Funny