Posts Tagged ‘exercise’

It’s the tortoise life for me!

My Kind of Exercise Program

Have you exercised today?

What a clever exercise program! 

The Easter Bunny Gets in Shape For Easter

Now that Spring has arrived, it’s time for the Easter Bunny to start working out!

What does the Easter Bunny do to get in shape

so he/she can deliver all those Easter Eggs?

Easter Bunny Workout

- Bunny hops (lateral hops) 
- Cadbury crunches (crunches) 
- Single “egg” squats (single leg squats) 
- Bunny bombers (dive bomber push-ups) 
- Run bunny run (sprint)

Best Exercises For Winter Months Spent Sitting at Your Computer or iPad

Weekly Fitness Routine – My Version of a Workout

The Doctor told me, I should start an exercise program. Not Wanting

to harm this old body, I’ve devised the following:

Monday

Beat around the bush

Jump to conclusions

Climb the walls

Wade through the morning paper

Tuesday

Drag my heels

Push my luck

Make mountains out of mole hills

Hit the nail on the head

Wednesday

Bend over backwards

Jump on the Band Wagon

Run around in circles

Thursday

Advise the President on how to run the country

Toot my own horn

Pull out all the stops

Add fuel to the fire

Friday

Open a can of worms

Put my foot in my mouth

Start the ball rolling

Go over the edge

Saturday

Pick up the pieces.

Sunday

Kneel in prayer

Bow my head in thanksgiving

Uplift my hands in praise

Hug someone and encourage them.

Whew! What a workout!

funny emails

Chocolate Can Help You Be Thinner

SWEET!

Best news I’ve heard in years!

Especially around Easter time.

What’s the best way to stay thin?

A new study finds it’s

and

eating a healthy diet full of – chocolate

So should you start adding a bar of chocolate to your daily diet?

Researchers say it’s too soon to say.

I disagree!

Better to be safe than sorry!

Even though chocolate can be loaded with calories, it’s full of antioxidants and other ingredients that may promote weight loss, the researchers said.

What kind of chocolate is best? ~ dark chocolate, because of its bitter flavor,  may suppress appetite whereas sweet chocolate may stimulate it.

The study was performed by scientists at the University of California, La Jolla.

How much chocolate should you eat each day?

 About 1 oz or 28-gram portion of dark chocolate, or add cocoa powder to your food or coffee just once a day.

MY NEW PHYSICIAN

Q: Doctor, I’ve heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?
A: Heart only good for so many beats, and that it… Don’t waste on exercise. Everything wear out eventually. Speeding up heart not make you live longer; it like saying you extend life of car by driving faster. Want to live longer? Take nap.

Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?

A: Oh no. Wine made from fruit. Brandy distilled wine, that mean they take water out of fruity bit so you get even more of goodness that way. Beer also made of grain. Bottom up! 

Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have body and you have fat, your ratio one to one. If you have two body, your ratio two to one.

Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
A: Can’t think of single one, sorry. My philosophy: No pain…good!

Q: Aren’t fried foods bad for you?
A: YOU NOT LISTENING! Food fried in vegetable oil. How getting more vegetable be bad?

Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?
A: Oh no! When you exercise muscle, it get bigger. You should only be doing sit-up if you want bigger stomach.

Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: You crazy?!? HEL-LO-O!! Cocoa bean! Another vegetable! It best feel-good food around!

Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If swimming good for figure, explain whale to me.

Q: Is getting in shape important for my lifestyle?
A: Hey! ‘Round’ is shape! 

Well… I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.

And remember:
Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well-preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways – Chardonnay in one hand – chocolate in the other – body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming “WOO-HOO, what a ride!!”

AND…..

For those of you who watch what you eat, here’s the final word on nutrition and health. It’s a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting nutritional studies.

1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

3. The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans…

5. The Germans drink a lot of beer and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

CONCLUSION: Eat and drink what you like – speaking English is apparently what kills you.

New Years Resolution 2012 – More Exercise and Walking

“Many people look forward to the New Year for a new start on old habits.” — Anonymous

*

Why I won’t be walking for Exercise in 2012

Walking can add minutes to your life.

This enables you at 85 years old

to spend an additional 5 months in a nursing

home at $7000 per month.

I like long walks,

especially when they are taken

by people who annoy me.

The only reason I would take up walking

is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.

I have to walk early in the morning,

before my brain figures out what I’m doing..

I joined a health club last year,

spent about 400 bucks.

Haven’t lost a pound.

Apparently you have to go there.

Every time I hear the dirty word ‘exercise’,

I wash my mouth out with chocolate.

The advantage of exercising every day

is so when you die, they’ll say,

‘Well, she looks good doesn’t she.’

If you are going to try cross-country skiing,

start with a small country.

I know I got a lot of exercise

the last few years,……

just getting over the hill.

We all get heavier as we get older,

because there’s a lot more information in our heads.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.

AND

Every time I start thinking too much

about how I look,

I just find a Happy Hour

and by the time I leave,

I look just fine.

You could run this over to your friends

But just e-mail it to them