Posts Tagged ‘Humor’

My Mother Taught Me!

• 
• My Mother taught me about ‘anticipation.’
  “Just wait until your father gets home.”
  My Mother taught me to ‘meet a challenge.’
  “What were you thinking? Answer me when I talk to you! Don’t talk back to me!”
  My Mother taught me ‘logic.’
• “If you fall out off that swing and break your neck, you’re not going to the store with me.”
• You spend a half hour searching for your sunglasses only to have your teenager say, “Mom, why don’t you wear the ones you pushed up on your head?”
• You hear a baby cry in the grocery store, and you start to gently sway back and forth, back and forth. However, your children are at school!
• 
• My mother taught me about ‘hypocrisy.’
  “If I told you once, I’ve told you a million times. Don’t exaggerate!”
  My mother taught me the ‘circle of Life.’
  “I brought you into this world, and I can take you out.”
• 
  My mother taught me about ‘behavior modification.’
  “Stop acting like your father!”
• For weeks a six-year old lad kept telling his first-grade teacher about the baby brother or sister that was expected at his house.
  One day the mother allowed the boy to feel the movements of the unborn child. The six-year old was obviously impressed, but made no comment. Furthermore, he stopped telling his teacher about the impending event.
  The teacher finally sat the boy on her lap and said, “Tommy, whatever has become of that baby brother or sister you were expecting at home?”
  Tommy burst into tears and confessed, “I think Mommy ate it!”
• Mother to daughter advice:
  Cook a man a fish and you feed him for a day.
  But teach a man to fish and you get rid of him for the whole weekend.
• The mother of three notoriously unruly youngsters was asked whether or not she’d have children if she had it to do over again. “Yes,” she replied. “But not the same ones.
• 

Check out the following site for more jokes, stories, free animations and poems about Mother’s Day:

http://mothersdayfunontheweb.blogspot.com/

Mother doesn’t want a Dog for Mother’s Day – very funny poem

Mother Doesn’t Want a Dog for Mother’s Day   by Judith Viorst

Mother doesn’t want a dog. 

Mother says they smell, 

And never sit when you say sit, 

Or even when you yell. 

And when you come home late at night 

And there is ice and snow,

You have to go back out because

the dumb dog has to go. 

Mother doesn’t want a dog. 

Mother says they shed, 

And always let the strangers in 

And bark at friends instead,

And do disgraceful things on rugs, 

And track mud on the floor, 

And flop upon your bed at night 

And snore their doggy snore. 

Mother doesn’t want a dog. 

She’s making a mistake. 

Because, more than a dog, 

I think She will not want this snake.

Romance and Old Age

I wonder if Romance and Old Age will really be like this?

An older couple were lying in bed. The husband was falling asleep but the wife was in a romantic mood, and she wanted to talk.

She said: “You used to hold my hand when we were courting.”

Wearily he reached across, held her hand for a second and tried to get back to sleep.

A few moments later she said: “Then you used to kiss me.”

Mildly irritated, he reached across, gave her a peck on the cheek and settled down to sleep.

Thirty seconds later she said: “Then you used to bite my neck.”

Angrily, he threw back the bed clothes and got out of bed. “Where are you going?” she asked.

“To get my teeth!”

It’s the tortoise life for me!

National Weed Day in the USA

HI! 

 Happy National Weed Day

Growing weed is like watching grass grow…

UPDATE:

 MARIJUANA IS FALLING FROM THE SKY

Initiative 502, passed last month by Washington voters, legalized recreational marijuana use starting December 6, but it will take a year before there are rules for growing and selling it.

 But a legal haze still engulfed pot smokers Thursday, when possession of up to an ounce of marijuana by adults become legal, though growing and selling it remains a crime.

 ”So I’m not sure where you’re suppose to get it,” Satterberg said. “If you stumble across some on the street or it falls from the sky, then you can have it. Otherwise, you are part of a criminal chain of distribution.” 

Can’t believe we have a National Weed Day?? What a great place to live!

The origins of 420 are a bit cloudy and covered in smoke.

Party On!!!!!

Can anyone catch  those damn bugs? 

National Weed Day is an informal sub-culture holiday that takes place on April 20th annually, in honor of the marijuana buzz term 420. Also known as ‘National Smoke Day’

Cheba Hut “Toasted” Subs will host what the company is billing as “the nation’s largest commercial celebration of 420, a holiday dedicated to those who enjoy the ‘high’ life of cannabis culture,” according to a news release.

The sandwich chain, which has an Iowa City location at 314 E. Burlington St., is offering a meal deal April 20 — a 4-inch sub, chips and a drink for $4.20. All meals will be served on Frisbees.

All-day festivities are planned at Cheba Hut locations nationally, including live music, ranch dressing and pickle juice chugging contests, Kool-Aid dunk tanks.

For more National Weed Day humor check out:

Weed Day Humor

Happy Big Wind Day April 12

Why do we have a BIG WIND DAY?

Bet you didn’t know there was a WIND DAY?

The answer is blowing in the wind… or Gone with the wind…

On April 12th, 1934, surveyors at the observatory on Mt. Washington in New Hampshire, recorded the highest velocity natural wind ever measured on Earth. The “big wind”, which reached 231 miles per hour. This date is commemorated each year as BIG WIND DAy.

Today, a team of individuals live in the observatory at the 6,000-ft. summit and monotor the weather 24 hours a day, 365 days a year.

Summit Volunteer

Spend a Wednesday to Wednesday shift on the Summit of Mount Washington mainly cooking and cleaning as well as helping the crew with daily chores, research work, or other special projects. Experience the “world’s worst weather” first hand and for free!

Learn more at: http://www.mountwashington.org/about/volunteer/

The wind is like the air, only pushier.

Look what the wind blew in….

Quotes About the Wind

“Madame, bear in mind that princes govern all things–save the wind.”

Victor Hugo

“A certain amount of opposition is a great help to a man. Kites rise against, not with, the wind.” ~ Lewis Mumford

I hear the howl of the wind that brings
The long drear storm on its heavy wings.

William Cullen Bryant

“I’ve learned that everyone wants to live on top of the mountain, but that all the happiness and growth occurs while you’re climbing it.”
~Andy Rooney

“A great wind is blowing, and that gives you either imagination or a headache.” ~ Catherine the Great

“Faeries, come take me out of this dull world, 
For I would ride with you upon the wind, 
Run on the top of the dishevelled tide, 
And dance upon the mountains like a flame.” ~ W. B. Yeats, The Land of Heart’s Desire

“-She is like the wind, open and free. If I cage the wind, would it die? 
-Then don’t cage it, Mikhail. Trust it to stay beside you.” ~  Christine Feehan, Dark Prince

“A great wind swept over the ghetto, carrying away shame, invisibility and four centuries of humiliation. But when the wind dropped people saw it had been only a little breeze, friendly, almost gentle.” ~ Jean Genet

“A light wind swept over the corn, and all nature laughed in the sunshine.” ~ Anne Bronte

“I can’t change the direction of the wind, but I can adjust my sails to always reach my destination.” ~ Jimmy Dean

Farmer Brown: “Did you lose much in that last tornado?”

Farmer Jones: “Lost the henhouse and all the chickens. But that’s OK ’cause I ended up with three new cows and a pick-up truck.”

Happy 79th Big Wind Day

What to do when Reddit is Down

What to do when Reddit is down!

Reddit is Down!

You could always

*

When Redit is down you could practice your Warlock Skills.

St. Patrick’s Day  or Not – Just Order a ‘few’ Guinness!

If Reddit is down you could just stare at the blank computer screen!

Reddit Down ~ You could always check out Pinterest!!!!

Pinterest – Especially for Men

My Kind of Exercise Program

Have you exercised today?

What a clever exercise program! 

5 facts about You

You

You

You

You

You

You

You

You

You

You

You

You

You

You

You 

1 – U are so lazy that U didn’t read all the You’s. 

2 – U didn’t notice I put in a Yoo. 

3 – U are now looking to find out that Yoo. 

4 – U are laughing coz U realize that there is no Yoo & U are fooled. 

5 – U are going to forward this to 2 others who are unaware of this 

Hey, it’s April and U have been fooled . . .

The Digital Tablet or Paper ~ The Future?

Thought this TV spot from France was hilarious!

It takes up the debate between ‘all digital’ and the die-hard defenders of paper.

The Paperless Future – “Emma”

Why we can’t go paperless, yet!

Only 30 seconds long!!!

The film humorously highlights the fact that no digital tablet will ever replace the comfort of the paper.