Absence makes the heart glow fonder.
Pillow Talk is a project aiming to connect long distance lovers. Each person has a pillow for their bed and a ring sensor which they wear to sleep at night. The sensor wirelessly communicates with the other person’s pillow; when one person goes to bed, their lover’s pillow begins to glow softly to indicate their presence. Placing your head on the pillow allows you to hear the real-time heartbeat of your loved one.
what does one partner do when the other heartbeat suddenly starts increasing very rapidly during the middle of the day???
and that’s when the fight started!
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My Wife: ‘Sports, sports, sports! That’s all you ever think about! Watching Wimbledon for 6 hours at the pub ~ You even watched the rain delay! If you said you were going to stay at home one Saturday afternoon to help with the house work, I think I’d drop dead from the shock!’
Me: ‘It’s no good trying to bribe me, dear.’
and that’s when the fight started…
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A YOUNG MAN’S LOVE STORY
I used to be like this…
Then I met a girl…
She was like this…
Together, we were like this…
I gave her gifts like this…
When she accepted my proposal, I was like this…
I used to talk to her all night like this…
And at the office I used to do this…
When my friends saw my girlfriend, they stared like this…
And I used to react like this…
But on Valentine’s Day,
she received a red rose from someone else like this…
And she was like this…
And I was like this…
Which later led to this
I felt like doing this…
So I started doing this…
Now, look at me…
And now I’m back to doing this…
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He Said To Me!
Kris Humphries said, Why do you want a divorce?
Kim Kardashian said, Ten weeks is a long time to be married to one person. Besides, it was a publicity stunt and we made lots of money.
I said… Why are you such a jerk? He said, That’s not possible because I’m like Charlie Sheen and I have Adonis DNA and Tiger Blood.
He said to me. I don’t know why you wear a bra; you’ve got nothing to put in it. I said to him . . . You wear pants don’t you?
He said to me . . ……. Shall we try swapping positions tonight? I said to him: That’s a good idea – you stand by the stove & sink while I sit on the sofa and do nothing but fart.
He said to me, What have you been doing with the grocery money I gave you? I said to him, Turn sideways and look in the mirror!
He said to me… Why don’t women blink during foreplay? I said to him … They don’t have time
He said to me… How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper? I said to him … I don’t know; it has never happened.
He said to me… Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and good-looking? I said to him … They already have boyfriends.
He said…What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night? I said. . . A widow.
He said to me…. Why are married women heavier than single women? I said to him . . . Single women come home, see what’s in the fridge and go to bed. Married women come home, see what’s in bed and go to the fridge.
and that’s when the fight started…
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AFTER BEING MARRIED FOR 44 YEARS, I TOOK A CAREFUL LOOK AT MY WIFE ONE DAY AND SAID, “Darling, 44 YEARS AGO WE HAD A CHEAP APARTMENT, A CHEAP CAR, SLEPT ON A SOFA BED AND WATCHED A 10-INCH BLACK AND WHITE TV, BUT I GOT TO SLEEP EVERY NIGHT WITH A HOT 25-YEAR-OLD GIRL. NOW I HAVE A $500,000.00 HOME, A $45,000.00 CAR, NICE BIG BED AND PLASMA SCREEN TV, BUT I’M SLEEPING WITH A 65-YEAR-OLD WOMAN. IT SEEMS TO ME THAT YOU’RE NOT HOLDING UP YOUR SIDE OF THINGS.”
and that’s when the fight started…
MY WIFE IS A VERY REASONABLE WOMAN. AFTER SHE CALMED DOWN, SHE TOLD ME TO GO OUT AND FIND A HOT 25-YEAR-OLD GAL, AND SHE WOULD MAKE SURE THAT I WOULD ONCE AGAIN BE LIVING IN A CHEAP APARTMENT, DRIVING A CHEAP CAR, SLEEPING ON A SOFA BED AND WATCHING A 10-INCH BLACK AND WHITE TV.
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For the Ladies
“The Perfect Man” – “All I’m looking for is a guy who’ll do what I want, when I want, for as long as I want, and then go away. Or wait nearby, like a Dust Buster, charged up and ready when needed.”
What I want in a man- changes every 10 years.
What I Want In a Man, Original List
3. Financially successful
4. A caring listener
6. In good shape
7. Dresses with style
8. Appreciates finer things
9. Full of thoughtful surprises
What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 32)
1. Nice looking
2. Opens car doors, holds chairs
3. Has enough money for a nice dinner
4. Listens more than talks
5. Laughs at my jokes
6. Carries bags of groceries with ease
7. Owns at least one tie
8. Appreciates a good home-cooked meal
9. Remembers birthdays and anniversaries
What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 42)
1. Not too ugly
2. Doesn’t drive off until I’m in the car
3. Works steady – splurges on dinner out occasionally
4. Nods head when I’m talking
5. Usually remembers punch lines of jokes
6. Is in good enough shape to rearrange the furniture
7. Wears a shirt that covers his stomach
8. Knows not to buy champagne with screw-top lids
9. Remembers to put the toilet seat down
10. Shaves most weekends
What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 52)
1. Keeps hair in nose and ears trimmed
2. Doesn’t belch or scratch in public
3. Doesn’t borrow money too often
4. Doesn’t nod off to sleep when I’m venting
5. Doesn’t re-tell the same joke too many times
6. Is in good enough shape to get off the couch on weekends
7. Usually wears matching socks and fresh underwear
8. Appreciates a good TV dinner
9. Remembers your name on occasion
10. Shaves some weekends
What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 62)
1. Doesn’t scare small children
2. Remembers where bathroom is
3. Doesn’t require much money for upkeep
4. Only snores lightly when asleep
5.. Remembers why he’s laughing
6. Is in good enough shape to stand up by himself
7. Usually wears some clothes
8. Likes soft foods
9. Remembers where he left his teeth
10. Remembers that it’s the weekend
What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 72)
2. Doesn’t miss the toilet.
For centuries, marriage was viewed as an economic and social institution, and the emotional and intellectual needs of the spouses were secondary to the survival of the marriage itself. But in modern relationships, people are looking for a partnership, and they want partners who make their lives more interesting.
Caryl Rusbult, a researcher at Vrije University in Amsterdam who died last January, called it the “Michelangelo effect,” referring to the manner in which close partners “sculpt” each other in ways that help each of them attain valued goals.
“I’m not sure what this means, but I think I make our lives more interesting!!!”
“Here’s to me!”
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